


The Collection

by GemmaRose



Category: One Piece, Star Trek
Genre: Alternate Universe - Avatar & Benders Setting, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - Homestuck Fusion, Alternate Universe - Magic, Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Alternate Universe - Star Trek Fusion, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Alternate Universe - Wings, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Female Franky, Illustrated, Klingon Zoro, Multi, Pirate Vivi, Princess Nami, Summoner Robin, Troll Sanji, Waterbender Chopper, Winged Brook
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-03 06:47:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 48,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10961898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GemmaRose/pseuds/GemmaRose
Summary: What’s a pirate to do when kidnapped into an alternate dimension along with alternate versions of their nakama? Get back home, of course! But nothing is ever so straightforward when the Straw Hats are involved.Written for the2017 One Piece Big Bang. Updates twice daily.





	1. Chapter 1

[ ](https://subtlyimpulsive.tumblr.com/post/161101372630/)

Z’oro looked around, and frowned at what he saw. They’d beamed down to this planet in a bunch of trees, but he couldn’t see a shred of green anywhere. His face settled into a scowl as he scanned the horizon. Somehow he’d wound up on top of a hill, surrounded by dry golden grass in all directions. Nami was going to give him an earful when they got back to the ship. Again. He sighed, and started towards what might be a cloud of dust raised by his over-enthusiastic captain. At least this planet was advanced enough that they had a bit of leeway with the prime directive. Luffy was terrible at concealing the fact that he was muhi when he was in a fight. If he’d learn to actually use a weapon other than his fists, maybe they wouldn’t get written up so much.

Once at the bottom of the hill, he looked around again. There was a weird distortion in the air over some of the grass off to his left, and he forged through the plants towards it. In his experience, weird usually meant his captain or crewmates were involved somehow. And if they weren’t involved when he noticed it, they would be soon enough.

As he neared the distortion, it resolved itself into a rough circle of space which looked for all the worlds like a hole in a cloaking system. He ran a hand over his swords, and frowned. There was no Federation base on this planet, nor any registered observational outposts, which meant this cloaked building was most definitely illegal. And with something like this, Luffy would inevitably end up here, so it would be for the best if he went in and got things sorted out for his captain.

He stepped through the hole, and experienced a brief moment of vertigo as gravity lessened. A cloaking field _and_ gravity dampers? These were some well funded criminals. Nami would be able to tell how well-funded if they brought back some intel when they beamed back up. He scanned the room he’d stepped into, taking in the expensive-looking control console and shiny clean white walls and floors. And, most importantly, the two dozen jack-booted guards with guns trained on him. Carefully arranged so they were invisible from outside the breach, and ready to kill or incapacitate whoever wandered in.

“Fire.” A voice from his left barked, and Z’oro hit the floor. He spun on his right arm as projectiles flew overhead (actual bullets, like this was some kind of historical drama) and knocked one of the guards over with a sharp kick. The guard toppled sideways, knocking the rest of the line off-balance, and Z’oro drew two of his swords with his left hand. Wado settled between his teeth as he spun to his feet, and with Kitetsu he deflected the next volley of- no, they weren’t bullets, they were darts. Tranquilizers, or poison? Either way, he wasn’t about to find out by trial and error.

He drew Shusui with his right hand, and swung hard enough to knock over the guards who were still standing. They didn’t get back up, but the pathetic groans meant they weren’t dead. Good, casualties meant paperwork, and that shit was _boring_. “Who’s next?” he asked, glaring at the rest of the occupants of the room. They were some manner of alien he’d never seen before, and their clothes weren’t any uniform he recognized, but he definitely knew a scientist when he saw one. And the one standing next to the biggest, most important-looking control console definitely was not a scientist.

“You are.” the not-a-scientist said with a grin that showed off too many teeth for comfort. There was a crack from behind him, and Z’oro turned to bat the dart away. He wasn’t prepared to deflect the second one, though, and it stuck in his forearm. Shit, he had to get outside. If he could call the transporter room, they could beam him up and Chopper would be able to make sure that whatever he’d just been injected with wasn’t going to kill him.

“Oh, you’re a stubborn one.” the not-scientist grinned as Z’oro backed towards the hole he’d entered through. His vision was already beginning to blur at the edges, his limbs growing heavy. He’d fought through worse, though. With a captain like his, you had to learn how to win against impossible odds. As long as he could get outside- his arms lifted on pure reflex when metal flashed across his field of vision, and his feet skidded as he kept the gleaming baton from touching his skin. The tip crackled with electricity, the sound and smell of it making every hair stand on end.

“Just. Pass. Out. Already.” the guard with the shock stick grunted, trying to thrust the weapon at Z’oro’s chest. Z’oro ducked so it flew over his shoulder, jammed Kitetsu’s hilt into the guard’s chest, and kneed him in the face on his way down. Some of the guards with guns were getting back up, and Z’oro cursed. He could feel his movements growing sluggish as the dart’s contents took effect. He wouldn’t be able to fend off another volley like the first one. He stepped backwards, towards the hole he’d entered through, and his heel caught on one of the still-down guards.

The world tilted, and he gritted his teeth around Wado’s hilt. No. _No_. He was _not_ going to fall here. He only barely got his other leg back fast enough to avoid falling over, but his vision still spun dangerously. He had to- had to- black gnawed at the edges of his vision, and his limbs felt so _heavy_. One of his swords slipped from his fingers, but the clatter of it on the floor sounded so far away. Call the Sunny. He had to call-

The alien who wasn’t a scientist raised a hand and said something, his voice a dull drone in Z’oro’s ears. He fumbled with the latch on his belt, trying to pull his communicator free. Why wouldn’t it come loose? He tugged, and the world tilted again. This time, his legs didn’t move fast enough. He hit the ground on his back, and his head fell to the side, giving him a good, if distorted and fuzzy, view of the breach he’d entered through. There was a distant crackle, and the circle vanished, leaving only a smooth wall behind.

Something stuck his head, and Z’oro blacked out.


	2. Chapter 2

Z’oro was no stranger to waking up in places other than his quarters. He couldn’t even count the number of planets Luffy had gotten them arrested on, not to mention all the times he’d woken up in sickbay. So, given his history, waking up in a hard metal chair with his hands cuffed to an equally hard metal table wasn’t exactly a new experience. What was new, was the alien sitting across from him. He’d seen a lot of species during his time in Starfleet, and this one looked like nothing he’d ever seen before. It smiled, showing an unsettling number of sharp teeth between its thin blue lips.

“I was wondering when you would wake up.” it said, its voice setting Z’oro’s hair on end. This thing was a predator, that much was clear from the sharp horns and teeth and the claws which rested in plain view on the table. Z’oro made to reach for his swords, and the chain between his wrists rattled, stopping his hands before they got more than a few inches off the table. “Ah, no need to worry about your weapons.” the alien said smoothly, the skin around its flat green eyes crinkling as it smiled wider. If it was trying to be reassuring, it was most definitely failing at that. “They’ve already been treated, and are waiting for you in your new quarters.”

New quarters? Z’oro scowled. If these crooks thought he was going to just play along with their scheme, whatever it was, they were sorely mistaken. “No.” he said firmly, clenching his hands into fists. The cuffs felt fragile around his wrists, obviously not meant to contain klingon strength. Given how spindly the alien in front of him was, and how weirdly thin the guards had been, Z’oro would’ve been willing to bet that this species wasn’t very physically strong.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” the alien made a sound which might’ve been its version of a laugh, a skree-skree-skree sound which made Z’oro itch for his swords in his hands. “Did you think that was an offer?”

“I _think_ -” Z’oro pulled his arms up sharply, and the cuffs shattered. “That you don’t know who you’re messing with.” he stood, sending his chair skittering backwards as he splayed his hands on the table and leaned forwards. “My captain is the most reprimanded Starfleet officer still on active duty. When he gets here, you’ll-”

“Sit down, Roronoa.” the alien said, still smiling that too-many-teeth smile. “I would hate to harm my employer’s latest collection piece on the first day.”

“And I’d hate to be away from my crew.” Z’oro fired back, straightening up and heading for the open doorway. His swords were nearby, he could sense the specialized frequency emitters Usopp had worked under their hilt wrappings. He just had to follow that frequency, and-

The pain was so sudden, he almost collapsed on the spot. It felt like someone was trying to bore through his skull with one of Robin’s old ink pens, almost like how Sanji described the migraines he got when he tried to suppress his powers for too long. It wasn’t that intense, though, and he caught himself after a single stumbling step. He’d endured worse, fought through worse. The scars on his face and chest were proof of that. The pain stopped cold as suddenly as it had begun, and Z’oro shook his head minutely. That had been, weird. The kind of weird that Luffy called a mystery and Nami called a pain in the ass. He took another step towards the frequency emitters, and the pain returned with a vengeance throughout his entire body. This time he staggered, catching himself with one hand on the doorframe.

“I believe I told you to sit.” the alien said as the pain vanished again, leaving Z’oro clearheaded. Its smile remained unchanged. He looked at the alien, then up at the barely-there seam where the walls met the ceiling. He couldn’t see any cameras, but they could easily be cloaked. He would have to play along, just until he had his swords back in hand. Then he could fight his way out and Chopper could figure out why his head hurt so much.

Z’oro sat down across from the alien again, pointedly ignoring the broken handcuffs. “Start talking.” he growled in Klingon. Sure he was fluent in several other languages, but according to his crewmates the translator always made him sound angrier when he spoke Klingon.

“Let’s begin again, since you interrupted me earlier.” the alien said smoothly, its smile less toothy but still unnerving in a way Z’oro couldn’t name. “I am a curator. My employer is a man of considerable taste, and you have been granted the honour of being part of his latest collection.”

Z’oro scowled. Part of a collection? That was just a fancy way of calling him a slave. Whatever had caused the pain in his head must be this planet’s version of the explosive collar they’d rescued Caimie from way back when. Sure it had caused an interplanetary incident, but at least they’d gotten their friend home before being stuck planetside for a year, or two in Luffy's case.

“Oh, no need to be so put out.” the alien cajoled. “It’s not like we’re taking anything from you. From now on, your life will be one of ease. Your every want shall be provided for.”

“I _want_ to go back to my crew.” Z’oro growled. The alien just grinned wider.

“Worry not, Roronoa.” the alien said, smiling with too many teeth again. “It would hardly be a collection with only two specimens. The rest should be arriving shortly.” it made a dismissive hand gesture as Z’oro’s frown deepened. “Now, there are of course a few things my employer expects of you.” the alien continued. “You simply need to maintain your appearance to his standards, and dress appropriately when brought out for formal events.”

Z’oro scowled harder, fingers curling against his palms. He itched to have his swords in his hands, to find out what colour this nameless alien bled. If he had even one of them, he could get to the rest and then make someone send him back out to his crew. But first, he had to get to them. They were all in one spot, at least, so once he had them he’d be out of here in ten minutes, tops. The alien was looking at him expectantly. Z’oro crossed his arms. “Can I have my swords now?”

“Of course.” The alien kept smiling that toothy smile as it stood with an inorganic grace. “A guard will be here to escort you to your new quarters shortly. Your weapons are waiting for you there.”

Z’oro watched the alien leave with narrowed eyes, making note of how the doorway vanished into featureless wall with a wave of its hand. A few waves of his hand over the same spot did nothing, which meant it was probably biometrically locked. Cutting off someone’s hand to open the doors between himself and the room with the broken bit of shielding would be a pain, but then so would taking a hostage. Whatever, he’d figure it out once he had his swords.


	3. Chapter 3

The first thing Z’oro noticed about the room he was led to was its size. It was easily as large as the bridge on the Sunny, and populated by four clusters of furniture and appliances. Nearest to him was a leisure area, with couches and chairs and other soft, squishy things. Across the room he could see a large dining table with benches instead of chairs, and a kitchen so shiny it _had_ to be full of fancy high end appliances. Sanji would probably do his spinning happy dance at the chance to work in it, and Z’oro smiled at the thought. The final area his eyes landed on was quite obviously meant for training. Racks of weights lined the walls in that corner, interspersed with benches and machines. A punching bag hung from the ceiling, and a large square mat denoted a sparring area. It was pretty well equipped, for what he was guessing amounted to a cell.

The second thing Z’oro noticed was the familiar broad shoulders of the chief engineer, hunched over and poking at something low on the wall opposite the door. Why was Franky planetside? He’d declined to join the away team to tinker with a new engine prototype, and when Franky was working on a new project it was damn near impossible to drag him away from it unless the ship was in danger. “What’re you doing here?” he asked, switching to Ettian. Sure, he and Franky both knew Federation Standard, and they both had universal translators, but it was nice to use his first language sometimes.

Franky turned, and Z’oro’s eyes widened. That, wasn’t Franky. Unless Franky had installed metal boobs and a more feminine face since he beamed down to the surface, which now that Z’oro thought about it wasn’t entirely implausible. Usopp wore a uniform dress sometimes instead of a shirt and slacks, maybe Franky was doing something similar and taking advantage of his body’s malleability? Or would it be their body. He’d go with they to be safe.

“Zoro!” Franky beamed, rushing across the room and scooping him up in a crushing hug. Yep, definitely Franky. Z’oro rubbed at his chest when his feet were back on the ground, and wondered if he’d bruise this time. It was always a crapshoot with Franky, crazy cyborg was still working on pressure sensors outside of their hands. “Man, Zoro you-” Franky frowned. “What happened to your face?”

“Nothing?” Z’oro frowned, lifting a hand to feel around his eyes. His face didn’t feel bruised anywhere that would make it look weird.

“Your forehead is all messed up.” Franky poked one of his ridges, and Z’oro swatted their hand away.

“My forehead is perfectly fine.” he snapped, crossing his arms. “What are you doing planetside? I thought you were busy with a project. Unless this was the project.” he gestured at Franky’s body. “In which case, you look great.”

Franky tilted their head, eyebrows drawing together. “I’ve always looked like this.” they said. “Or, well, I have since I finished my upgrades on Karakuri. You’re the one who looks different.”

Z’oro opened his mouth to ask if Franky had removed a few memory chips during his last set of modifications, then shut it as an idea occurred to him. That distortion he’d passed through had looked like a faulty cloaking field, but the entrance had vanished when he tried to leave. That, plus the fact that Franky thought he looked strange... had he wound up in another universe again? Fuck, Nami still hadn’t let him live down the first time.

“Who’s your captain?” he asked, trying to recall what had been different the last time he’d wound up in the wrong universe. Nothing major was jumping out at him, though, just little things. The lack of a ring on Nami’s finger, Robin wearing the uniform dress, Sanji’s heel to his jaw when he went to say he was back. And, of course, the fact that the Sunny’s name had been something different.

“Monkey D Lucy.” Franky said without missing a beat. “Did you hit your head? I’m sure Chopper can fix that.”

“No.” Z’oro shook his head. That confirmed it. The name was too close to be a coincidence, but distinctly different. This Franky’s Luffy was probably a girl too. “My captain is Monkey D Luffy. He and the Franky Flam I know are both male, like me.”

“Wait, Franky Flam?” Franky frowned. “My name’s Franny.”

“Huh.” Z’oro made a mental note of the difference in names. “Well, we’re from different universes, so I doubt wherever we are now is in either of them.” he pursed his lips and glanced around, honing in on the frequency coming from his swords. There, on the couch. He strode over and picked them up, turning off their emitters one by one and hanging them from his hip. Much better. The curator alien had said something about not wanting to damage him, so his swords had probably been treated with the due amount of respect, but he would still give them a once-over later.

“What?” Franny frowned. “What do you mean alternate universes?”

“I mean alternate universes?” Z’oro frowned back. “Like the one Usopp and I got beamed into once where the Federation was even more of a shitshow than usual.”

“Federation?” Franny practically had question marks dancing around their head.

“Yeah.” Z’oro nodded, and at the continued lack of recognition almost sighed. “The interplanetary government we all work for?” he prompted. They’d served the Terran Empire in that fucked up universe he visited with Usopp and Robin, maybe Franny came from a universe where the Federation operated under a different name.

“I’d rather die than work for the government.” Franny spat, a level of vitriol in their voice Z’oro had never heard from the Franky he knew.

“O-kay.” Z’oro frowned. “Then who do you work for?” hell, how many options were there to crew a spaceship without working for the government? Merchant companies, transport companies, mercenaries...

“Lucy?” Franny sounded confused. “We’re pirates, we don’t answer to anyone higher than our captain.”

Z’oro’s eyes widened. Pirates? Even in the shittastic universe he’d been to last time, they were still loyal to their government. The thought of Luffy ordering them to ransack planets just felt, wrong. Like the thought of Sanji kicking Nami the way he kicked the men on the crew when they said or did something stupid. “Really?” he asked, because he wouldn’t put it past Franky, or Franny, to pull his leg over something like this.

“Really.” Franny nodded. “Second most famously all-girl crew out there, too.” they- _she_ grinned. “You, me, Lucy, Nami, Robin, Sanju-”

“Sanju?” Z’oro asked, tilting his head. Another name too close to be a coincidence. And, given that Sanji’s estranged biological sister was named Reiju, it wasn’t even particularly surprising.

“Yeah.” Franny nodded with a grin. “She’s the best, even when she starts waxing poetic about Nami’s hair.”

“I bet.” Z’oro grinned, then a thought occurred to him and he tilted his head slightly. “Wait, if your Sanji- sorry, Sanju, is still an idiot about girls, how is she still alive?”

Franny threw her head back and laughed, the riotous uhahaha sound familiar even if it was in a higher register than usual. “I asked her why she wasn’t swooning over me once, and she told me to go take a bath.”

“That sounds like Sanji.” Z’oro chuckled. “So, how’s the surveillance in this place?” he glanced around, and picked out a few places where a camera might be hidden. He almost wished he’d sprung for one of the cybernetic eyes with an expanded visible spectrum, but those were pricey and had a bad habit of causing headaches when used continuously.

“Damn good.” Franny sighed, backing up and moving to flop down on one of the couches. Z’oro sat on the arm of a chair and crossed his legs, listening attentively. “I’m still trying to figure out how they do it. They’re not hiding baby phone snails in the vents so I’m really not sure-”

“Phone snails?” Z’oro frowned.

“No, phone snails.” Franny repeated herself. Z’oro shook his head. Stupid translator. He pulled out his communicator, thankfully still in its pouch on his belt, and turned it off from the synchronised app.Once its power-down noise finished playing in his ear, he gestured for Franny to repeat herself.

“Denden mushi.” Franny said, obviously confused. Z’oro nodded and turned his translator back on.

“Sorry, the translator was picking up your Japanese and translating it.” he said once the power-on sound had faded, making a mental note to figure out where the language settings were later and remove Japanese from the translation list. He’d gotten Usopp to do it last time, taking the dialects of Ettian and Klingon he knew off the list, but it had only taken the helmsman a few seconds so obviously it couldn’t be _that_ complicated.

“Y’know what, I’m not even gonna ask.” Franny held up her hands.

“So far, I spot five places they could be hiding a camera, just in this half of the room.” Z’oro’s eyes flicked to each of them in turn. “There are probably more in the kitchen and dining area, as well as microphones hidden throughout the room.” that was alright, though. The guards who marched him from the interrogation-style room to here had been just as spindly as the curator alien, so as long as he was ready for their anachronistic weapons he’d be able to mow them down without issue.

“You’re pretty calm about this.” Franny remarked, leaning forward. “You sure your head’s okay?”

“My head is fine.” Z’oro scowled. “Luffy’s just gotten us arrested enough times everyone qualified for away missions with him knows the drill by now.” he rolled his eyes, and Franny chuckled.

“Sounds about right.”

“So. You’ve been here longer than me.” Z’oro met Franny’s eyes. “What have you noticed about guard patrols?”

“Nothing.” Franny shook her head. “I was only dragged in here yesterday.”

“That’s fine.” Z’oro said, glancing aside at the wall where he was certain the door opened up. It was featureless, which could prove an issue if the two of them didn’t figure out a way to get it open. “How about structural integrity?”

“Sturdy as hell.” Franny huffed, rubbing her knuckles. “Strong Right didn’t even make a dent in the wall.”

Okay, that was... potentially problematic. Z’oro had been on the receiving end of that punch in too many sparring matches to doubt its power. If Franny couldn’t punch through it, though, he would just have to cut it. He could slice through anything shy of the Sunny’s hull, and even that he could put a decent scratch in. “Well, first we have to figure out guard movements.” he said, running his fingers over the hilts of his swords. “Once we know those, I can get us out of this room. Think you can operate the machine that brought us here?”

Franny scrutinized him for a few long seconds, then her face split with a familiar beaming smile. “Sure thing, sis! Ah, sorry, bro.” she chuckled, and Z’oro allowed himself a small smile. At most, it’d only be a few more hours until he was back with his crew. God, he was almost looking forward to Franky’s inevitable rib-crushing hug.


	4. Chapter 4

After giving his swords a quick check, and explaining to Franny that the marks near the base of Wado’s blade were an engraving not damage, Z’oro stood and headed into the kitchen. They were certainly being watched and listened to, which meant any discussions of escape plans needed interference. If there was one thing he’d learned from watching Sanji working with Zeff during longer shore leaves, it was that kitchens were full of loud things. He could feel Franny watching him as he looked through the cabinets, pulling out any appliance that looked like it would be loud when plugged in and turned on.

“So, what are you doing?” she asked when nearly half the counter was filled with things Z’oro couldn’t name.

“Testing.” he said simply, and plugged one in. It made a quiet hum. No good. He unplugged it and moved on to the next one. Crackling and a loud whir, but not loud enough.

“Oooh.” Franny nodded, and got up. She grabbed an appliance from near the middle, plugged it in, and turned to the freezer. There were ice cube trays inside, and she dumped half of one into the clear cup-like container on top of the shiny base. A press of a button later, and the kitchen was filled with a racket comparable to Franky’s workshop in full swing. “Like that?” she grinned, and Z’oro felt a smile tug at his lips as he nodded.

“Exactly like that.” he said, glancing at the likely places for a bug to be hidden. “We’ll listen for guards every day for a week.” he said quickly, keeping his head tilted down so his lips wouldn’t be visible on any watching cameras. “Then I’ll cut open the door, and we make a run for the machine that brought us here.”

“Solid plan.” Franny nodded approvingly. “What about the other doors though? We’ll need one of those skinny weirdos to open them for us. Hell, we’ll need one to point them out.”

“Shouldn’t be too hard.” Z’oro shrugged. “Put a sword to a man’s neck, and you’ll find most value their own lives over their employer’s money.”

“True.” Franny grinned, vicious and wild in a way Franky’s smiles just weren’t. Okay, maybe Z’oro could see this version of his friend being a pirate.

“But here’s the most important part.” Z’oro said, opening the lid of the blender to dump more ice in. “We don’t start listening today, or tomorrow. We start in two days, after they’ve changed the guard schedule.”

Franny gave him a look he couldn’t decipher. Something like surprise and pride mixed together. “When did you become a strategist?” she asked, shutting off the blender and moving to dump it out in the sink.

Z’oro shrugged, leaning back against the counter. “When your captain gets you arrested or held hostage half the time you leave the ship, you get good at it.”

“Sounds like Lucy.” Franny laughed, setting the now-empty blender back on its base.

“So.” Z’oro said, breaking the silence before it could grow awkward. “In your universe, how long have Sanji and I been together?”

Franny blinked at him a couple times, then threw her head back and laughed. “You and Sanju?” she howled. “Oh, man Zoro. You must’ve hit your head _really_ bad if you think _that_ would ever happen.”

Z’oro scowled, and gripped Wado by the saya, his hand closing over the engraving hidden beneath smooth lacquered wood. “For that last time, there’s nothing wrong with my head.” he growled in Klingon, feeling a slightly vicious spark of joy at the way Franny immediately shut up. In the crazy universe, he’d only been in a clandestine relationship with Sanji for a year or two. Even in his own, they hadn’t gotten along that well until a good while after the incident with Caimie that left them on shore leave, then on separate ships while Luffy recovered from the incident with Newgate and Teach and served his own extended probation. And since Franny looked much younger than the Franky he knew, as much as a cyborg with artificial skin could show age, it made sense that the Sanju and Z’oro she knew hadn’t come to terms with everything yet.

“Alright.” Z’oro shrugged, loosening his grip on his sword. “How about everyone else?”

“Oh no.” Franny shook her head. “Your turn.”

“My- turn?” Z’oro frowned.

“To answer a question.” Franny said, as if it were obvious. Which, well, now that he thought about it it kinda was.

“Alright, shoot.” he said, crossing his arms.

“What’s with your outfit?” Franny gestured to his clothes.

“I’m the chief of security.” Z’oro said flatly. “We weren’t supposed to be heading into town, so I didn’t bother changing out of my uniform.”

“Oh, right.” Franny pulled a face. “You’re from a crazy universe where we work for the government.”

“And you’re from a crazy universe where we’re pirates.” Z’oro fired back.

“Hey, it’s not crazy.” Franny scowled at him. “We just want to be free to live our lives as we please.”

“By raiding and pillaging helpless settlements?” Z’oro scowled. “By attacking Federation vessels and killing good, law-abiding citizens?”

Franny opened her mouth, and Z’oro held up a hand. “This won’t get us any closer to getting back to our own crews.” he said firmly. “I’m going to go give my swords a more thorough check. You go back to doing whatever it is you were doing when I got here.”

“I can’t believe you work for the government, after everything they’ve done.” Franny said bitterly as he walked towards the workout area. Z’oro ignored her, and began looking under the workout machines for containers which might hold swordcare materials. A chest under the bench press bench yielded an oil stone and rags, and Z’oro made himself comfortable on the floor, leaning his back against the wall. They’d be out of here within a week, if everything went according to plan.

The guard schedule was unlikely to change from day to day, he knew firsthand how difficult it was to schedule patrols at two different intervals and get the men walking them to actually alternate, let alone making a new schedule for every day. Even if these aliens knew who they’d captured, they didn’t know how many times he’d done this. Half of his and Luffy’s away missions gone wrong weren’t even officially on the record, Luffy was so bad at doing his captain’s logs. He drew Wado, and ran his fingers over the engraving with a small smile. Sanji’s name looked so lovely in the Klingon Standard script, and it seemed almost like the blade of his sword had been made to hold those very characters.

Just a few days and he’d be back. Nami would tease him for getting lost, Luffy would demand to know who he had to beat up, and Sanji would yell at him for making them all worry. Probably kick him in the head too. He was good at that. Z’oro’s chest twinged, and he exhaled slowly. He’d been prisoner for more than a week before, but never so long without any of his crew around. It was going to be a long couple of days.


	5. Chapter 5

Vivi threw the door to her quarters open and rushed in, hat clutched to her chest and eyes squeezed shut against her tears. This was wrong. Everything was wrong. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go! She moved to put the hat down, and stumbled. What- her eyes opened, and she staggered back a step. This wasn’t her room. The walls and floor weren’t familiar warm wood, and there were entirely too many armed guards.

Guards, armed guards, with guns aimed at her. Reflex took over as they levelled the barrels at her chest, and she managed to dodge the first shot. Slashers. She needed her peacock slashers. But the hat- fuck, no two ways around it. She jammed the hat on her head, dodged a second bullet, and drew her slashers. They sang through the air, and she dove forwards. One down, two, another shot dodged. The bullet struck a guard behind her, and she was startled by the lack of blood spray for a second before realizing it wasn’t a bullet at all but a dart. Poison? A tranquilizer? Either way, she didn’t want one of those sticking in her.

She got her peacock slashers around the neck of the second last one standing, and spun so she was facing the only one still pointing a gun at her. “Drop it, or he’s dead.” she said, flashing haki over the bloodied bladed string for good measure.

“I think you’ll find that a rather poor idea, Miss Nefertari.” a smooth voice said as the room went quiet. No more fizzing lightning noise, no more whirring fans, no more crack of gunfire. Just breathing, groaning from the men she’d taken down, and the quiet click of a gun being cocked. She met the eyes of the speaker, and almost slit her hostage’s throat by accident as she stiffened. He wasn’t human. She wasn’t sure how she knew he hadn’t simply eaten a strange devil fruit, but she knew.

“And why’s that?” she asked, eyes flicking between the not-human man who’d spoken and the guard. Both had guns aimed at her, and the speaker was at enough of an angle she couldn’t be sure to block both shots with her hostage if it came to that.

“Because you are here.” he said, seeming to glide closer rather than step. “And with the portal closed, here you will stay.”

Portal? Vivi’s eyes narrowed. “Where am I?” she demanded. “Where are my friends?”

“All will be explained. And you have my word that you will not be harmed.” the inhuman speaker said. “But first, release the guard. Blood is such a hassle to clean up.”

Vivi looked warily from the speaker to the gunman again, and waited until both had lowered their weapons before she released the haki on her slashers and let her hostage go. He staggered away, and she quickly spun both weapons into damp, sticky coils around her fingers. She’d need to soak them in hydrogen peroxide later, to make sure the strings didn’t get stiff. “Alright. Now, where am I?”

“All in good time.” the inhuman speaker smiled, sending a shiver down Vivi’s spine. She couldn’t sense any motivation from it at all, it was like sensing a fish. No, fish knew where they would move next, their tiny bodies resonated with the thought. This thing was more like a plant. Simply, there. Existing. “First, you need to get a shot.” it lifted its hand, and Vivi yelped as hands closed around her wrists. More guards? Where had they been earlier? A needle pressed into her neck, and she cried out in pain as something was injected. Her entire skull tingled, and as soon as the needle was out of her neck she ripped her arms free of the inhuman grips restraining them.

“What was that?” she snapped, pressing a hand to the injection site.

“Oh, nothing of consequence, if you behave yourself.” it smiled, again showing far too many teeth. “Now, follow me. There is a room already furnished for us to discuss your future.”

Vivi gritted her teeth. Her _future_ was getting back to her friends and figuring out how to fix what Blackbeard had done. She had nothing to discuss with this creature. But if it wanted to speak in a pre-designated room, she wouldn’t force it to stand here arguing with her. And she supposed the unconscious bodies on the floor could be considered unnerving, if one wasn’t accustomed to such things. “Lead the way.” she said as neutrally as she could manage, smoothing her face free of expression.

The alien kept smiling that too-big smile, lips stretched in a sharp-edged mockery of Luffy’s bright sunny grin, and lead her across the room to a blank stretch of wall. A wave of its hand over the surface, however, produced a door. Franky would probably love to be here right now, peeling apart what made this place tick. The room beyond the doorway was simple, furnished with a metal table and two metal chairs. The only notable feature on any of the pieces was a metal loop built into one side of the table, with an unusually sturdy pair of handcuffs threaded through it.

“Please, sit.” the inhuman being said, taking the seat opposite the handcuffs. Vivi sat across from it and folded her hands in her lap, careful not to touch the restraints. She could probably get out of them with a liberal application of haki, but she didn’t want to test that. “You asked where we are?”

Vivi nodded.

“We are currently located in a building on my employer’s considerable estate.” it said, gesturing with one hand. It only had four fingers, Vivi noticed belatedly. Three, and a thumb. “I am a curator for his collections, and you have been granted the privilege of being part of his newest and most prestigious one.”

Vivi wanted to glare, but she got the feeling intimidation wasn’t going to work on this being. So instead she schooled her expression into neutral displeasure, and adopted a brusque but businesslike tone. “I can’t do that.” she said firmly. “I’m acting captain of the Straw Hat Pirates, they need me until we-” she shut her mouth, inhaled, and exhaled. No crying, not now. “I have duties I cannot shirk. Until we get Luffy back, I can’t afford to waste time in here.”

“Ah, you see, this is where you are mistaken.” the curator folded its hands together and rested its forearms on the table, leaning forward with that too-many-teeth smile. “I am not requesting that you join my employer’s collection. I am telling you that you have joined, and will continue to be part of it for the foreseeable future. You may be an... imperfect specimen, but my employer will be pleased by the addition of you nonetheless.”

Imperfect specimen? Vivi frowned, looking down at herself. Yeah, her forearms and the backs of her hands were kinda covered in blood, and her clothes too where she’d been sprayed or wiped her palms, but that was what happened when you got in a fight. Unless he meant her scar? Sure, she hadn’t minimized it as much as she could’ve, but it was a mark she was proud to wear. She’d outsmarted a fucking _god_. Or at least highly dangerous a man with delusions of being one. “No.” Vivi said firmly, palming a slasher out of her pocket and sliding the ring onto her finger. It was a little stiff, but she’d worked with it in worse condition during her time as an assassin. “I’m not staying here while my friends need me.”

“I’m not giving you a choice, Miss Nefertari.” the curator said, its voice as smooth and unruffled as ever. “You asked what the thing in your neck is?”

Vivi nodded, stomach twisting uncomfortably.

“That magnificent little device is called a neural jack. It allows us to tap into your nervous system, and activate it however we see fit.” the curator’s smile made every hair on her body stand on end, and sent ice rushing through her veins. She knew just enough about anatomy to know that complete control of the nervous system was a very, _very_ bad thing. “For punishment should you misbehave, or for reward if you go above and beyond my employer’s expectations. Should you misbehave, I assure you you will regret it.”

Vivi lifted her free hand to touch the back of her neck, still sore from whatever had been injected into her body. Between the inhuman curator and the doors appearing from nowhere, she didn’t doubt its words. She wouldn’t be walking out of here a free woman. Not right now, at any rate. “I see.” she said flatly, lowering her empty hand to her lap and pocketing her slasher again. “Is there anything else you’ll be outfitting me with for your employer’s pleasure?”

Okay, maybe she could’ve kept her tone a little more diplomatic there, but she couldn’t help recalling the auction house on Sabaody. The collars, the customers, the way that fucker’s face had looked when the smoke cleared, lolled slack and vaguely stunned. Gods, that had been satisfying. And so worth it, honestly.

“Oh, not at all.” the curator said, waving one hand lazily in the air. “You will of course be expected to maintain your appearance to my employer’s standards, but aside from formal events your life here will be one of comfort and ease.”

Comfort and ease, huh? Like an animal in a zoo. Vivi pressed her lips together, inhaled through her nose, then exhaled slowly. “In that case, lead me to my quarters.” she said, keeping her tone carefully neutral. Step one in her escape plan would have to be finding a way to remove the jack without damaging anything. Gods, she wished Chopper were here. Or Law. Law might actually be more helpful at this moment. His devil fruit powers really were quite handy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit for Vivi's AU goes to [dottenator](http://archiveofourown.org/users/dottenator), the writer of [Straw Hat Vivi](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4886821), which she has graciously allowed me to borrow the main character of. You should totally go read it if you like Vivi, Robin, female friendships, and/or excellent writing.


	6. Chapter 6

When Vivi stepped into the room, doorway vanishing behind her, her eyes were immediately drawn to the kitchen and dining area. And just like that, some of the tension bled out of her shoulders. Zoro and Franky were here, talking in low voices she couldn’t make out over the sound of a blender crushing ice. “Zoro! Franky!” she called, crossing the room towards them. Both her friends turned to look at her, and Vivi froze mid-step. They looked, off. She couldn’t quite put her finger on what was wrong with Franky’s face, but Zoro’s forehead looked strange and his face seemed different somehow. Harder, more scarred? Oh, that was it. He had both eyes, but also the scar which should’ve sealed his left one shut. How strange. And both those eyes were narrowing at her, which was even more strange.

“You shouldn’t have that.” he growled, a strange rumble behind his words that had her tensing, ready to draw her slashers or dodge his blades at a moment’s notice.

“What?” she asked, sliding one hand into her pocket and working the ring of her slasher onto her finger.

Franky shut off the ice-filled blender as Zoro stalked towards her, white sword ringing as he drew it slowly from its sheath. “I don’t care if you’re an ambassador, I don’t care if you’re Nami’s wife, I don’t give a flying fuck about what happened to your face.” Zoro snarled, his words underlaid with a deep, almost animalistic sound that had adrenaline pumping her heart faster. “You’re going to tell me why you have my captain’s hat, and you’re going to do it _now_.”

The tip of his sword, his white sword, the one he’d favoured when they first met and still had when they first met the second time, hovered just a hair’s breadth away from her neck. Vivi opened her mouth, and- “Wife?” she asked, eyes wide. It was stupid, so stupid, she should explain about the hat first but Zoro had called Nami her _wife_ and that was a whole new level of baffling, even for him.

“Yeah. Her wife.” Zoro looked her up and down, then lowered his sword. Not all the way, but enough that the tip no longer hovered under her chin. “Who do you serve?” he asked, eyes narrowing.

“What?” Vivi frowned, slipping the slasher ring from her finger. This was Zoro, he wouldn’t attack her. Even if he’d gotten hit in the face hard enough to mess up his forehead and make him forget about her scars.

“What government do you work for.” Zoro said again. Franky rolled his eyes.

“Ala-” Vivi shook her head. “None. Not anymore.”

Zoro scowled, but lowered his sword. “Then who do you work for?”

“Luffy?” Vivi said hesitantly. “I mean, he’s the captain. I’m just filling in until we get him back.”

“Great.” Zoro huffed. “Another pirate universe.” he glared at Franky. “Is she part of the crew in your universe too?”

“Nah.” Franky shook his head. “I only know her from stories.” he paused and tilted his head. “Well, stories and Nami’s sappy midnight denden calls.”

Vivi blinked. Sappy midnight calls with Nami? She wouldn’t’ve objected to those, back when she was a princess, but that had never happened. “What do you mean, midnight calls?” she asked.

“I mean, Nami calls you up at ass o’clock in the morning and wakes half of us up giggling with you.” Franky rolled his eyes. “Or, well, our you. Not you you.”

Her head hurt. What the hell was- “You have boobs.” she blurted as she finally noticed the shiny metal peeking out from under Franky’s bikini top.

“Yep.” Franky grinned, knocking on them with one big red hand. They made a dull metallic sound. “Couldn’t get the skin to sit right, though, so now they’re shiny!”

“Why do you have boobs?” Vivi asked, shaking her head.

“Because I’m a girl?” Franky sounded confused. “Oh, wait, is your me not a girl?”

“What do you mean, my you?” Vivi frowned. “You’re you, aren’t you?” gods, this was getting confusing. Was this what Luffy felt like when they’d been planning what to do in Alubarna?

“Oh, right.” Zoro shook his head and sheathed his sword, gesturing between himself and Franky. “We’re not the friends you know. Franny is from a universe where we’re all girls, and I’m from one where we’re all decent law-abiding citizens.” he said the latter part almost scornfully, and Vivi pressed a hand to her forehead, tilting the hat back. Right, she was still wearing that. She pulled it off, and looked down at the woven straw.

“So it’s like different timelines.” she said slowly. “But instead of diverging when Blackbeard kills Shanks, your lives diverged a lot earlier.”

“ **Blackbeard kills Shanks?!** ” Zoro and Franny yelled, eyes going wide.

“Oh, sorry.” Vivi winced. “I shouldn’t’ve said that.”

“When?” Zoro demanded, grabbing her arm roughly. “When do Teach and Admiral Shanks fight?”

“Years ago!” Vivi said quickly. “They fought right after Roger’s death, and Blackbeard killed Shanks, and without Shanks everything- everything went sideways.” she waved her free hand in front of her chest, palm out. “But I’m going to fix it.” she said as Zoro released her arm.

“How could Teach have killed Shanks that early?” Zoro muttered, his the furrows in his ridged brow deepening as his eyebrows drew together. “They weren’t even-”

“Time travel.” Vivi answered. “Blackbeard found a devil fruit that let him travel back in time, and used it to kill Shanks before he could meet Luffy.”

“Time travel isn’t real.” Zoro frowned.

“Devil fruit.” Franny retorted, rolling her eyes. “Honestly, I can’t wait ‘til Lucy punches that jackhole in the face. After what he did to Whitebeard and Anne, he deserves a beating.”

Lucy? Anne? Vivi frowned, then shook her head minutely. Lucy was obviously Luffy, and Anne was probably Ace. She’d have to make Franny tell her everyone’s names, maybe write them all down so she didn’t get confused. “Agreed.” Vivi said, nodding once. He’d deserved every bit of the beatdown the Straw Hats had given his crew. For what he did to her friends, to _Luffy_ , she almost wished she could’ve hurt him more.

“You never answered my question.” Zoro said, one hand resting on the hilt of his white sword. “Where did you get that hat?”

Vivi looked back at the hat in her hands, running her fingers over the three lines of stitches along the crown. “Blackbeard had it. When we routed his crew, it was with his treasure.”

“And Luffy?” Zoro pressed. Vivi gripped the brim of the hat tighter.

“We’re working on it.” she said, keeping her voice measured. She had no idea what she would do, once she returned to her own world, but there had to be something.


	7. Chapter 7

“So, what happened to your face?” Franny asked, moving towards the blender full of ice and picking it up.

“Oh, this?” Vivi lifted a hand and touched the scar which covered nearly half of her face, tracing the now-familiar fractals with her fingertips. “Robin and I fought a god.”

“Oh, yeah.” Franny laughed as Zoro stared at her in open disbelief. “Eneru, right? My Robin’s got some scars from him too.”

“Eneru wasn’t a god when we fought him.” Zoro frowned. “Just a delusional maniac.”

“Still, guy made of lightning.” Franny dumped the ice into the sink and set the cup back in its stand. “Kinda glad I wasn’t on the crew yet, honestly. It’s bad enough trying to dodge Nami’s thunder lance, and she’s not even aiming at me most of the time.”

“Most of the time?” Vivi asked, heading over to the sink as Franny opened the fridge and began rummaging around in it.

“I mean, she’ll never admit it but sometimes she’ll use area attacks to hide a jab at someone who’s pissed her off. You can tell because it’s a lower amperage than her actual attacks, but I’m metal so.”

Zoro snorted, accepting the things of meat and cheese Franny handed him. “Sounds like Nami, alright. I can’t count how many times she’s ‘accidentally’ hit someone with friendly fire. Always on minimal stun, too.”

Vivi giggled, and after a moment of staring at the strange controls turned the sink on lukewarm. The blood on her arms had mostly dried, but the sooner it came off the better.

“Yo, Vivi.” Franny said, getting her attention. “How do you want your burger?”

Burger? Vivi looked at the meat, the sliced cheese, and the griddle on what must be the stove. Of course, Sanji wasn’t here so they’d have to take turns cooking. At least Franky was good at burgers, so Franny probably was too. “Medium with cheese, please.” she grinned, sticking her hands under the warm stream and setting to rubbing them clean.

By the time she’d washed both her forearms clean, Zoro had set the table for three and Franny was laying cheese on the thick patties. They smelled nice, though not as good as anything Sanji made of course. A few minutes of comfortable silence later, Franny was setting their burgers down and fishing a handful of cans out of the fridge. They were labelled in a language Vivi couldn’t read, but when she mimicked Zoro and pulled the tab to open it she was met with a familiar fizzing hiss. Cola. It was cola in a can. No wonder Franny had taken four of them.

“Can’t believe I’m saying this, but I miss replicator food.” Zoro said after a few bites. Vivi wasn’t sure what a replicator was, exactly, but she could guess the feeling. The burgers were strangely flavoured, and after eating Sanji’s cooking for months on end they tasted kinda bad.

“Hey, I can’t read the labels on the spice jars, and I don’t exactly have a nose.” Franny gestured at her unmistakable shiny metal nose. “This is trial and error.”

“Mostly error.” Zoro said flatly. Vivi took a sip of her cola to wash down a mouthful of burger.

“So, is this our whole cell?” she gestured at the large room, indicating the four clusters of furniture. There didn’t seem to be a bathroom, which could honestly be a blessing in disguise. If they had to flag down a guard somehow every time they needed to pee, that was all the more opportunities to escape.

“Nah.” Franny shook her head. “There’s two bedrooms and two bathrooms behind that wall.” she pointed at the wall opposite where Vivi had come in. “I’ll show you how to get in after wash-up.”

“Alright.” Vivi nodded once. She hadn’t seen any surveillance denden mushi since coming in here, but bathrooms were an extra unlikely place to find one. The steam made them dizzy, so running the water warm for a while would certainly give them some privacy to discuss how they were getting out of here. Because of course they were getting out of here. Between Franny and Zoro, Vivi didn’t doubt they already had half a plan in place.

“How many beds are in your room, Franny?” Zoro asked, shoving the last of his burger in his mouth and following it with a gulp of cola.

“Five.” Franny tilted her head. “Yours?”

“Same.” Zoro frowned. “That’s strange. Why would they split them up like that?”

“Maybe these things don’t have genders?” Vivi suggested after a few seconds of silence. “So they just split the beds evenly.”

“In that case, why make separate rooms at all though.” Franny pointed out. “Or separate bathrooms.”

“Does it matter?” Zoro frowned. “If things go well, we’ll be out of here before they can fill up the beds anyways.”

“True.” Franny nodded. “Just seems weird to me.”

“Same.” Vivi agreed, finishing off her burger and then her drink. Sharing a bedroom with Franny might be a little strange, but she’d shared a room plenty of times before. And it wouldn’t be for long, either. If Zoro said they’d be out of here soon, she would trust his judgement. And between her and Franny, they might even be able to keep him from getting lost on the way back to the portal.


	8. Chapter 8

Brook paused and lifted his bow, cocking his head to listen better. There was something off. Some unusual noise drifting through the foggy air. Like voices, muffled by distance, but without the accompanying sounds he was used to. He lowered his violin, and tucked it in his ribcage before wandering towards the source of the sound. Perhaps they were simply too far off for him to hear their ship? It had been a long time since he’d met anybody brash enough to be so loud in the Florian Triangle that he could hear the crew well before the ship.

He rounded the mast, and had he eyebrows they would’ve risen to his hairline. There was a hole in the air right at the prow, a shimmering image of a strange white room beyond. He tucked his bow inside his jacket, picked up his cane, and stuck his head through. It was a real room, not some sort of strange mirage. A real room, with real people. Not human people, but people nonetheless. Brook grinned and stepped through. “Hello.” he greeted, touching the fingers of one hand to his forehead as he bowed. Hmm, no ladies. A pity.

“You seem rather unconcerned by the armed guards.” one of the people said, a man dressed much more smartly than the ones with guns.

“Well, it’s not like they can hurt me.” he said, wings clacking as he stretched them out to display the picked-clean bones. “After all, I’m already dead!”

“Something I’m sure my employer’s tailors can accommodate.” the smartly dressed man said as Brook folded his wings up against the back of his jacket again. “To be clear, you _are_ the famed Humming Brook, yes? Once known as the Soul King, during your years as an acclaimed musician?”

Brook’s eyes widened, or they would’ve if they weren’t empty sockets. “Acclaimed musician?” he laughed, lifting a hand to his cheek. “Stop, you’ll make me blush. But wait, I have no skin to blush with! Yohohoho, skull joke!” he swore he heard one of the guards snort, and another snicker, and grinned even wider. So many people! People who laughed at his jokes! If he didn’t have to retrieve his shadow and return to Twin Capes, he wouldn’t mind staying here for a while.

“Hmm.” the man frowned and looked at a rectangle in his hand. “But you are Brook, correct?”

“Yes.” Brook nodded, wings clacking behind his back. “Why do you want to know?”

“Because.” the man with the rectangle smiled, beckoning Brook follow him as the room grew quieter. “My employer is hosting a gala tonight. As a man of fine tastes, he can have no less than the best performing for his guests.”

“And you chose little old me?” Brook felt his face would split with the force of his smile, or would’ve if it weren’t already a skull.

“Of course.” the man replied, pausing in front of a featureless bit of wall and waving his hand in front of it. A doorway opened up, revealing a hallway. “A suit is awaiting final adjustments, though I did not account for, those.” he gestured at Brook’s wings, voice slipping into a tone of disgust for a moment. Brook straightened up, wing bones clacking as he re-settled them against his back.

“Excuse me?” he huffed, stopping and crossing his arms. “I may not have feathers anymore, but I’d rather have bare bones than be wingless like you.”

“Apologies.” the man raised a hand with a strange, toothy smile. “I am certain they were magnificent, when they were whole. And I am equally certain that my employer’s tailors will have no problem accommodating them.”

Brook huffed again and clacked his wings, but resumed following the man. “Will there be ladies at this gala?” he asked after a turn or two through the eerily indistinguishable halls.

“Oh, most certainly.” the man nodded, coming to a stop in front of a blank bit of wall and waving his hand. Another doorway opened, and Brook stepped through into a room which felt somewhat familiar. A dark, sharp suit hung next to a set of floor-to-ceiling mirrors, the glass arranged so someone standing in the middle could examine themself from all angles.

“Then I will gladly play!” Brook declared, reaching into his ribcage and extracting his instrument. “Yohohoho, yo-hohoho~” he warbled, bowing the opening notes of his favourite song.

The man laughed, or at least Brook assumed it was a laugh. “I will have sheet music brought here for you to study. How many songs can you memorize in the next twelve hours?”

“Twelve hours?” Brook hummed, tapping his chin with the tip of his bow. “Four, perhaps five or six if they’re on the simpler side.”

“I’ll have a selection sent down.” the man nodded. “Now, if you would wait here, the tailor will be here to fit your suit in just a moment. And afterwards, you can memorize the songs you’ll be performing tonight.”

“With pleasure!” Brook grinned, doing a little twirl on the ball of his foot. It had been so long since he played for an audience!

\---

“You must be Brook.”

“And you must be the tailor I was instructed to wait for.” Brook bowed to the elderly man, quite possibly older than even his dusty bones, touching his hand to his forehead and flaring his wings slightly. “Ah, and this dashing young woman must be your apprentice.” he beamed as his eyes landed on the polished looking lady beside the tailor. “Hello.” he said, crossing the room quickly and taking one of her four-fingered hands in both of his. “May I see your panties?”

Her face flushed, and she looked away with a giggle. A sharp pain on the side of his head reminded him they weren’t alone, and Brook turned to see the tailor looking rather cross. “I’m on a bit of a tight schedule, so hold your flirting bone man.” he snapped. “Take off your shirt and jacket, I need your measurements.”

“Oh, of course.” Brook released the lovely lady’s hands and stepped back to a polite distance, unbuttoning first his jacket then his shirt. He pulled both off at once, and laid them on the only table in the room with care.

“You measure those and take down the numbers.” the man said gruffly, pulling out a measuring tape as the woman nodded and drew a tape of her own from the small kit hanging on her hip. “You, arms out. And hold still.”

“I won’t even breathe.” Brook said solemnly, grinning when the lady giggled at his joke. He liked it here.

“And be quiet, would you?” the man snapped, grabbing Brook’s arm to measure it from wrist to shoulder.

“As the grave.” Brook promised with an even wider grin. The lady giggled again, and had he blood he would certainly have flushed with joy.


	9. Chapter 9

“There you go. All fastened up.” the lovely lady smiled at him. Her skin was an iridescent purple, and her pale pink wings were adorned with long draping strands of beads in dark muted blue to match her modest dress. She had declined to show him her panties when she came in with jewellery for his wings, but Brook had no doubt they were as lovely as the rest of her elegant, sensible outfit.

“Thank you, ma’am.” Brook smiled, stretching his wings out to examine his new accessories more closely. The thin silver chain was intricately knotted around his wing bones, with long loops that shimmered in the light and gave him the silhouette of proper wings again. Sure, he couldn’t open his wings to their full extent, but it wasn’t like he could fly or anything. Even before being reduced to bones, his devil fruit had made sure of that.

“You look quite dashing.” she grinned, and Brook picked up his violin with a flourish.

“And you look as lovely as a song.” he replied, tucking his violin against his shoulder. “Shall I play one for you?”

“Oh, I would be honoured.” she giggled, a sound like songbirds in the morning. “But I’m afraid you’re expected at the gala soon. I’ll tell the guards you’re ready to be escorted there.”

Brook nodded, but still raised his bow and started playing one of the tunes he’d been given to memorize. He’d managed the whole dozen of them, somehow. In a strange way, he felt like he already knew them. perhaps it was something he’d learnt by ear and forgotten? There were countless songs like that, he was sure. All someone would have to do was break out in song and he would likely be able to pick up the accompaniment or harmony or whatever role they needed.

He continued playing softly as he was lead through the halls, the featureless white slowly fading to grey. Or perhaps it was simply the light changing. He paused in his warm-ups when one of the guards gestured at a wall, and was glad of it when the smell of food his his nostrils. Or whatever he had instead of nostrils now. His non-existent stomach growled, and he pressed a hand to his deep blue suit jacket as one of the guards gave him a dirty look.

“I haven’t eaten in quite a while.” he said, swallowing the saliva that welled up in his mouth from nowhere.

“Just get in there.” the other guard rolled his eyes and gave Brook a hard shove between the shoulder blades, jamming the fastener for his wing jewellery against his spine. He stumbled forwards into the dimly lit backstage area, which had more colour than he’d seen just about anywhere else since arriving here, and the doorway vanished behind him.

“Rude.” he huffed, straightening up and clacking his wings. His eyes widened, and he did it again. Oh, that was wonderful. He might ask to keep the jewellery as payment, after his performance. The chains produced such a lovely sound, running against each other. It was soft, like waves on the hull of a ship, and the tone was strangely calming.

“There you are.” a woman in a crisp black suit huffed, dark eyes narrowing as she spotted him. “You’re on in five. Follow me.” she turned on her heel and walked quickly towards what must be the stage he’d be playing on. Her dark, heel-less shoes were silent on the dark floor, and the milling black-clad stagehands gave her a wide berth. Brook trailed after her, not bothering to distinguish the words being whispered between the employees as he passed. He had a performance to ready for, after all.

“Stand here.” the woman in a suit said in a firm whisper. “And don’t play a note until you’ve got spot. Understood?”

“Of course, madam.” Brook replied at like volume. “But I do have one question.”

“What?” she glared at him, tapping her foot silently.

“May I see your panties?” he grinned. Her glare turned into a scowl, and she leaned in close.

“If you weren’t worth more than what I make in a month, I would smack your skull right off your shoulders.” she hissed. Then she straightened up, turned on her heel, and stalked silently off past the curtain which marked the edge of the stage. Brook straightened his bow tie. She was probably wearing plain, unremarkable panties and was embarrassed about it.

Now that he was standing on-stage, if he listened closely he could hear the murmur of conversation beyond the curtain. How many people were out there? Where they as varied as the ones he’d met so far? He was halfway convinced this was all a fantastical dream, the way these people looked. And, come to think of it, if he’d dreamt up tonight’s music then of course it would be easy to memorize. It was basically one of his own compositions. But regardless of whether or not he was dreaming, he still had a concert to play.

“Guests, friends, honourable patrons of this fine establishment.” a voice said from the other side of the curtain, clear as a bell. “Tonight, our host has dazzled us all with collections of fantastic beings, creations, and other fine things. Now, for your pleasure, we present a concert by the one and only Soul King.”

There was that name again. Brook wasn’t sure why they kept calling him Soul King, he preferred rock and classical music in all honesty, but it had a nice ring to it. A bright light came on overhead, and he squinted up at it for a second before quick, quiet footsteps drew his attention back down. It was a young man, four-fingered like the guards and tailor. “Play.” he hissed, and hurried back over to the side of the stage.

Oh, so this was spot? Brook glanced up at the light again, then ahead at the curtain. Well, who was he to say no to people that wanted to hear and enjoy music? He tucked his chin against his violin, set his bow to the strings, and began to play.

The curtain began to lift after a few bars, and Brook’s eyes widened when it had risen enough to let him see the number of people seated at tables in the wide, colourful room beyond. There were at least as many people here as there had been Rumbar Pirates, when their crew was at its largest. He closed his eyes, and let his fingers and bow dance across the strings. Note after note flowed out, seeming to amplify into the room without distortion. It was silent, save his music, and he was glad of that fact. Had the audience been singing and dancing, laughing and clapping, he would surely have cried.

\---

“Thank you, Soul King, for that wonderful performance.”

Brook smiled, and gave his best sweeping bow, pressing his violin to his chest and flourishing his bow out to the side. The room rang with applause, and he was sure his face would be red had he still blood to rush to it. He turned to walk back into the shadowed part of the stage, and got precisely two steps past the line of tape none of the black-clad employees would cross before the woman in a suit was in his face.

“And where do you think you’re going?” she asked, voice at a normal volume as the man with the very loud voice announced a collection of... rebel hats? Brook wasn’t paying much attention, but it sounded like an interesting collection if you were the kind of person who got particularly excited about headwear.

“Back to my ship, I would hope.” he smiled politely. “It’s been a wonderful evening, but my old bones are tired.”

“No.” she frowned, pulling something from her pocket. “I’ve got permission to put a decent punch of electricity in you if you misbehave, but damaging the new collection piece is not how I want to end my night.” she hissed, waving the little grey box at him so he could see the dark oval-ish button on its face. “So you’re going to get back out there, and stand next to that hulking mistake of a Flam.”

Brook balked, taking a step back. “What? Collection? No, no.” he shook his head. “I’m afraid you’re mistaken, ma’am. I’m here as a musician.”

“And part of the big boss’s latest collection.” she said, enunciating each word as if speaking to a particularly dim child. “Now give me your instrument. It’ll look intentional, that way.” she said brusquely, snatching away his violin and bow before he could protest. A shove from one of the black-clad boys had him stumbling back onstage, and his heart sank right through the pit of his stomach. This collection wasn’t of hats at all. It was of people.

A man with strange growths on his forehead wore a suit identical to his own, and two women wore flattering dresses in a slightly paler shade of blue. One of them, on the man’s left and further away from Brook, was badly scarred. The other was nearly as tall as he was even in flat shoes, with massive shoulders, forearms, and hands. He could only assume that the nearer of the two women was Flam, and he was meant to stand in the empty space at her right side, placing them in order of height.

He had made a mistake, deciding to play for whoever this collector was. Anybody who was in the habit of 'collecting' _people_ was not a person he wanted anything to do with. But right now, with his sword cane back in his dressing room and apparently some manner of shock device hidden on his person, he could do nothing. He would simply have to wait, and strike as soon as the opportunity presented itself. He couldn’t stay here.


	10. Chapter 10

“Brook!” the smaller, scarred woman cried as soon as the guards left, sealing the four of them in a large, dimly lit room. Her arms squeezed his lower ribs for a long second or two, and then she pulled back with a worried expression. “Are you hurt?”

“That’s Brook?” the man asked, the ridges on his strange forehead even more pronounced by creases between them as he frowned.

“Yeah!” Flam grinned. “Brooke with _wings_.” she nodded approvingly. “Pretty sweet swag, by the way. Even if it is a glorified shock collar.”

The shorter woman backed up, adjusting her dress as she looked him up and down. “Nothing’s broken, is it? We’ve got some drinks in the fridge, but I’m not sure if there’s any milk.”

“I assure you, miss, I’m perfectly healthy.” Brook grinned. “Or, as healthy as I can be, given my condition.” he gestured to his skeletal face, pulling up a wide grin. “Yohoho, skull joke!”

The man groaned and rolled his eyes, but Flam cackled and the smaller of the blue-haired women laughed. It seemed genuine, like she was absolutely delighted to hear his joke, and he turned to face both of the oh-so-lovely ladies at once. “And, if I may be so bold. May I see your panties?”

Flam laughed louder at his request, and the scarred woman shook her head with a giggle.

“Yep, that’s Brook alright.” the man said. “Pervy old man in every universe.”

“Hey, sometimes she’s a pervy old lesbian.” Flam said with a grin.

“Lesbian?” Brook frowned. “I may be a little behind the times, but doesn’t that require me to be a woman?”

“Pervy old man.” The man with the strange forehead smirked at Flam. He should probably get their names sooner than later.

“Oh, well, in my universe you’re a lady.” Flam shrugged. “Nice to hear you play again, though.” she grinned.

“Again?” he asked, tilting his head slightly. “I’m sorry, Miss, but have we met? I’m sure I’d remember being turned down by a woman as striking as yourself.”

“Met?” Flam frowned. “We’re nakama. Have been for years.”

“Same here.” the smaller woman said.

“You’ve been with us in my universe since Luffy found you drifting alone in the middle of nowhere.” the man added.

“Your universe?” Brook asked, disregarding the comment about nakamaship to focus on the more interesting thing. One of his crew had been adamant that there were parallel worlds to their own, places where everything was the same save some small thing. Like, perhaps, Brook being a woman as Flam had mentioned. “You mean there’s more than one?”

“Well, yeah.” the man looked him up and down. “The Brook I know has flesh and- well, I’ve never actually seen him bleed when he’s hurt but he’s definitely got skin.”

“Oh my.” Brook lifted a hand to touch his cheekbone. He’d never thought about what might’ve happened to his body if it had still been fresh when he re-inhabited it. No more blood was probably the least of his worries, in that case. 

“We’re all from different universes.” the smaller woman said, gesturing between herself, the larger woman, and the man with the strange forehead. “Different times, too.” an expression of indescribable sadness passed over her face. “I guess, you’re from a world where you haven’t met Luffy yet.”

“And he’s got _wings_.” Flam said, gesturing at him. “How awesome is that?” she gasped, eyes sparkling. “What do my wings look like? Are they **super** cool?”

“Am- Vivi _just_ said he hasn’t met Luffy yet.” the man snapped, gesturing at the shorter woman who was apparently named Vivi. “And if he hasn’t met Luffy, he hasn’t met any of us.”

“Ah, right. Damn.” Flam pouted.

“Who is this Luffy you keep mentioning?” Brook asked, the chains on his wings running against each other as he shifted the bones. He wished he had his violin on hand. A little music would lighten the mood considerably.

“The captain.” all three people facing him answered as one.

“He’ll be yours too, eventually.” the man said, waving a hand dismissively. “If he’s captain in their messed up pirate universes, he’s captain in your universe.”

“Oh. I’m a pirate.” Brook said, pulling his wings tight to his ribs with a clack and slight jangle of chains. “But I haven’t had a crew in quite some time.”

“Oh for the love of the gods!” the man exclaimed throwing his hands up and turning on his heel to stalk off across the room. Flam and Vivi giggled, a sound which was quite welcome after his long isolation in the Florian Triangle.

“Does he do that often?” he asked once the man had stalked through a doorway which vanished behind him.

“He gets pissy whenever it comes up that we’re pirates.” Flam said with a nod. “Thinks his sideways universe where we work for the government is the way it should be.”

Brook pulled a face, as much as his fleshless skull allowed him to, and Vivi nodded as well. “I can’t believe Robin would ever work for them, after what they did to Ohara.” she tilted her head, expression thoughtful. “Or, not as directly as he’s implying.”

“Well, I dunno ‘bout you two but I’m beat.” Flam yawned. “Gonna grab some cola, then hit the sack.”

“Same here.” Vivi yawned, demurely hiding her mouth with one hand. “I’ll pass on the cola, though.”

“Is there any food?” Brook asked, following Flam towards the kitchen as Vivi headed for the opposite wall the man with the strange forehead had vanished through.

“Oh, yeah!” Flam grinned. “I mean, nothing any of us make is gonna measure up to Sanju’s cooking, but feel free to make yourself whatever.”

Brook nodded with a quiet hum, and opened the icebox. Oh, gods, there were so many different options! He hesitated for a minute, then picked up a bowl of grapes and a small plate bearing a formless lump of pale cheese. He couldn’t remember the last time he had fresh fruit. Fruity teas, even, were a rare find on the abandoned ships he found adrift in the fog. And cheese was always welcome, being good for his bones and much more easily kept than milk.

“Ooh, lemme grab crackers. We can share.” Flam grinned, reaching over his shoulder and grabbing a brightly coloured can labelled Cola.

A minute later found them sitting across the table from each other, Flam plucking grapes from the bunch with tiny hands which sprouted from her massive palms. Brook tried not to stare, it was ungentlemanly to watch a lady eat with any sort of scrutiny, but the extendable hands were fascinating. If Flam noticed, she didn’t comment, and soon she was setting the plate, bowl, and cheese knife in the sink.

“C’mon, I’ll show you how to open the bedrooms.” she said, gesturing for him to follow. Once the strange hand-wave system had been explained and demonstrated, Brook bade the lady goodnight and stepped into what was apparently the men’s room. Five beds lined one wall, with dressers arranged opposite. The man with the strange forehead was sitting cross-legged on the end of one, and- Brook’s heart leapt in his chest, or would’ve if he still had one.

“My violin!” he exclaimed, rushing to pick it up from the mattress adjacent to the occupied bed. His cane and bow were also there, but he spared them barely a glance, running his fingers over the neck and body of his instrument. A few experimental plucks assured him that the strings were still in perfect tune, and he sighed in relief. Thank the gods it was unharmed. He could play without a proper bow, but if his violin was damaged he wasn’t sure what he would do with himself.

“Pretty sure whatever clothes you arrived in are in the dresser.” the man said, not opening his eyes.

“Ah, thank you...” Brook paused, lowering his violin. “I’m sorry, I haven’t asked your name.”

“Z’oro.”

“Thank you, Z’oro.” Brook grinned, setting his instrument back down and crossing to the dresser. This suit was nice and all, but he preferred his own clothing. It was much easier to store his violin underneath, and he’d need his hands free for holding his sword and sheath when he staged his escape.

“I wonder if Miss Flam will show me her panties tomorrow.” he mused as he unbuttoned his suit jacket. She hadn’t said no, after all. Merely laughed, as if his request was a fantastic joke. Of course, with a reaction like that he wouldn’t be surprised if her answer was no, but then again it usually was. Yorki had always said he needed more tact. Behind him, Z’oro chuckled.

“She walks around in a bikini and an open shirt.” Z’oro said, voice carrying the sound of a wry smile. “I don’t think you’re gonna have to ask.”

“Really?” Brook whirled around to look at Z’oro, who was indeed smiling slightly. Z’oro nodded. Brook spun on his heel, and went back to shedding his suit. Maybe he could stand to stay here for a little while, if he’d get to be around a lady like Miss Flam in her swimsuit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story now has art! It's embedded at the start of chapter 1, and linked in the whole-fic end note.


	11. Chapter 11

_... can’t believe those stupid guards…_

_... not meant for animals…_

_... big boss won’t be happy when…_

_... hold it still…_

Something pinched at the back of his neck, and he groaned. One of the indistinct voices murmured something indistinct in a soft, soothing tone, and he slipped back into unconsciousness.

\---

The ground under him was hard. Much harder than it had been when he went to sleep. Chopper groaned quietly, then his whole body went tense. He couldn’t smell the ocean. Couldn’t smell the trees, or dirt, or grass, or- or anything! He bolted to his feet, eyes taking in the nigh-featureless room. One metal table, two matching metal chairs on either side, four white walls with no door in sight. A cage? Had someone put him in a cage? He reached for his bag. One of his transformations would have to be helpful here. Arm, Horn, and Jump Point could all be used to break down a wall, and if that didn’t work... well, he only had three rumble balls left so he would only have one chance to unleash _that_ form.

His hoof met air behind his back, and Chopper let out a squeak of surprise. His bag was gone! It wasn’t on the floor, or the table, or either seat. Without his bag, without his rumble balls, he only had Heavy Point for brute strength. He wished he were back on the Sunny. His nakama would know what to do, how to escape and rob this island blind. As much as an island could be blind, anyways.

“Sit.” a voice said sternly from behind him. Chopper startled, fur standing on end all over his body as he whirled to face the- that wasn’t a human. Its limbs were too thin, its hands had the wrong number of fingers, and its face just looked _wrong_. And it didn’t smell anything like a human. Zoro might’ve smelled of blood most of the time, but under that scent he smelled human. This thing smelled like nothing Chopper could name, sour and bitter almost to the point of being rancid but still very much alive. Under normal circumstances he would’ve been fascinated, would’ve begged to run it through a basic physical, but in this strange place where everything felt wrong in a way he couldn’t name he could only stare in mute horror.

The humanoid thing practically glided across the room and sank into one of the metal chairs before giving Chopper a disdainful look. “I said _sit_.” it snapped. “If you’re too defective to follow instructions, I’ll have you gotten rid of and search out a suitable replacement.”

Gotten rid of? That sounded bad. If he was gotten rid of, how would he get back to Luffy and the others? He couldn’t just leave them without a doctor. Sure, he’d taught Robin and Usopp basic healing forms, and Luffy had picked them up somehow, but Usopp specialized in plants and Robin in ice and Luffy’s form was all messed up. Chopper nodded quickly, and hurried to clamber up into the still empty seat. The table in front of him had a metal loop welded to it, and he wondered briefly what it was for before the inhuman thing across from him set down a thing on the table, drawing his attention.

“I doubt you can understand me, so I’ll make this quick.” it said tersely. “You have been chosen to be part of my employer’s most recent collection. Misbehave, and the neural jack implanted in your spine will make you regret it.”

Collection?! Chopper’s eyes went wide, but before he could ask what the inhuman thing had meant it was standing and gathering back up the rectangular thing it had put down a minute ago. “Guards, show this one to the common room.” it said to nobody. “The other pieces can figure out what it eats.” it strode towards the wall, waved its hand in front of the smooth material, and a doorway opened in front of it. The second it stepped out, two more stepped in. These ones wore dark, heavy-looking vests and equally dark pants, and carried a smell of electricity with them. No doubt the guards the first thing had spoken to before opening the door.

“C’mere li’l guy.” one of them crooned, beckoning him closer with one hand. He slid off his chair, and trotted over towards them. The other guard scoffed when he passed it, and gave him a kick which sent him flying down the hall.

“Hey, what was that for?” the nice guard exclaimed as Chopper picked himself up with a groan. After all the fighting on Sabaody and crashing at the end of his three-day flight, his whole body felt like one big bruise. He’d bandaged himself up as well as he could, after landing, but after everything that happened with Hachi he hadn’t had enough left for anything more than binding his scabbed-over wounds.

“What?” the mean guard laughed, a cold jinununu sound that made Chopper’s skin prickle. “Big boss is probly gonna make the curator send it back anyways.”

“Doesn’t give you the right to kick him.” the nice guard huffed.

“Whatever.” the mean guard scoffed. “We gotta lead this thing down to the rest of the collection. You can bring up the rear.”

“Gladly.” the nice guard said, tone flat. Chopper quickly stepped back to avoid the mean guard’s shiny boot aimed at his legs, and looked up to see a sharp, hawkish face sneering down at him as the guard passed. The sharp teeth made his heart thunder in his chest, and he glanced at the nice guard.

“C’mon, cutie.” it sighed, ushering for Chopper to follow the mean guard down the hall. “Let’s get you in with the rest of the set.”

Chopper shook his head, swallowing hard against the urge to cry. He had no idea what these things were, or what they wanted, but he couldn’t get back to his nakama if he was locked away like an animal in a zoo. But he didn’t know where he was, and without his bag he didn’t even have Rayleigh’s vivre card to guide him back. Gods, the old man was probably already done coating the Sunny by now. He needed to get back to Sabaody, and quick, before any of his nakama did something stupid and got hurt. Which, knowing them, they’d do within half an hour of setting foot on the island. Hell, Franky and Nami were probably back there already! Robin and Sanji probably weren’t that far behind, or Brook or Usopp or Luffy or- okay, maybe not Zoro.

Zoro’s sense of direction was so bad, they’d probably have to go find him once they all met back up. Once they reached the New World they should get a vivre card made for Zoro, so they could find him when he inevitably got lost. The thought made him smile, but he quickly stopped when the mean guard paused in front of a blank stretch of wall. Right, he had to get his bag and figure out how to get out of here so he could return to Sabaody. Maybe if he was being put in a zoo, he could ask the other animals for help? A gorilla or a rhino would probably be able to put a hole in the wall.

The wall opened at a wave of the mean guard’s hand, and Chopper hovered in the doorway, eyes darting around until a boot connected with his back. He yelped as his feet left the ground, and curled up as much as he was able. Hopefully he wouldn’t land on his head...


	12. Chapter 12

Chopper’s breath left him in a rush as he landed on his back, sinking into something soft and squishy. A bean bag, he realized after a second. He’d landed on a bean bag.

“Chopper?”

His eyes flew open at the familiar voice, and he flailed for a second before getting free enough of the bean bag to push himself up.

“Chopper!” another familiar voice cried, and then he was wrapped up in strong arms and being hugged to a chest with a scar he knew all too well.

“Zoro!” he sobbed, throwing his tiny arms around as much of his friend’s chest as he could. “You’re alright!”

“Of course I’m alright.” Zoro said, loosening his hold slightly. Chopper just pressed his forehead harder against Zoro’s chest, breathing in the familiar mixture of steel and sword-oil and blood. He smelled a little bit funny, but everything here smelled funny.

“You were hurt!” Chopper hiccupped, and his nose was running all over Zoro’s shirt but he didn’t care. “First on Thriller Bark, then again fighting Kizaru. You-” he lifted his head, horns knocking against his friend’s chin. Zoro lowered his head from the knock with a small, bemused smile.

“Kizaru? Why would I be fighting Admiral Kizaru?” he asked, dark eyes soft and fond.

“ACK!” Chopper screamed, jerking backwards away from Zoro and stumbling a few steps on the beanbag. “What happened to your forehead?!”

“Why does everyone keep saying that?” he grumbled under his breath.

“Wait right here, I’ll-” Chopper reached to uncork his pouch of bending water, and swore when it wasn’t there. “Water!” he looked past Zoro, and spotted a sink in the shiny kitchen. He changed to Heavy Point and hurried over, turning on the tap. Waterbending had always come easily to him, despite his devil fruit, and he pulled a cup or so of water into a ball in his hands.

“Oh. That’s new.” said an almost-familiar voice.

“Alright now hold still.” Chopper instructed. bending the water in a circle around himself as he crossed back to Zoro. “This may feel a little weird, but if you move around too much I’ll have to knock you out.”

“Chopper, I’m not hurt.” Zoro frowned. “My forehead’s always looked like this.”

“No it hasn’t!” Chopper yelled, bending the water out to crack just in front of Zoro’s forehead. Stupid, thick-skulled swordsman. He couldn’t hit hard enough to be noticeable without potentially worsening whatever brain damage had made Zoro think his face was _supposed_ to look the way it did. “Now sit still and let me heal you.”

“Well, at least magic hasn’t changed her personality.” the not-quite-familiar voice laughed. “Zoro-bro’s head really has always been like that, Toni-sis. He’ll explain it to ya in a sec, right?”

“Huh?” Zoro looked over at the speaker, so Chopper did as well. At the table sat a cyborg with Franky’s head, but also a pair of shiny metal breasts visible under her bikini and open hawaiian shirt. Also sitting there was Brook, with- Chopper shook his head, reflexively moving to stow the water before remembering that his pouch had been taken. Brook had two large bones protruding from his back, draped with delicate, shining chains.

The faucet turned off, and he glanced over to see Vivi standing there. Only, the last time he’d seen her Vivi didn’t have short hair. Or a massive lightning scar which marred half her face and trailed down her neck under her clothing. “When did that happen?” he exclaimed, eyes bugging out of his face. “And Brook, what’s wrong with your back?!”

“Nothing?” the skeleton tilted his head.

“Yeah, Brook here’s just from a universe where we all have wings.” the not-quite-Franky cyborg said with an easy, familiar grin. “Like you’re from one with magic, apparently.”

“What?” Chopper frowned. What did that mean, a universe where they had wings? One with magic?? Behind him, Zoro sighed.

“We’re all from different universes.” the swordsman said calmly. Chopper turned around, and found him wearing a small, fond smile on his face. “Franny is from one where we’re all girls, Brook is from one where humans have wings, Vivi is...” Zoro frowned, the hand he’d been gesturing with falling a bit.

“From a timeline where I’m acting captain of the Straw Hats.” she volunteered. 

“What?” Chopper squeaked, water splashing to the floor around his feet. “What happened to Luffy?”

“It’s a long story.” Vivi sighed.

“One she can tell over lunch.” Zoro said, ushering Chopper towards the table. He switched back to his usual hybrid form before sitting down on the bench near Zoro, and Brook gasped as Vivi came back to the table with another place setting.

“Oh my. You’re quite adorable.”

“Oh stop it.” Chopper blushed, wiggling in his seat. “That’s not gonna make me happy, you bastard~”

“Well then, maybe this will.” Franny said with a smile, setting a bowl of gently steaming tomato soup in front of him. “Not as good as Sanju’s, but eh.” she shrugged her massive shoulders. “Nobody measures up to Sanju.”

“You mean Sanji?” Chopper frowned.

“Yes.” Vivi said, cutting off whatever Franny was going to say. “In her timeline the whole crew is made up of girls, so some of us have different names.”

“My Luffy’s actually used Lucy as a fake name a few times.” Zoro said with a grin.

“That seems like a rather thin pseudonym.” Brook said as Chopper tried a spoonful of the soup. Franky was right, it really didn’t measure up to Sanji’s.

“You’re telling me.” Zoro shook his head, his small smile firmly in place. “We’re still not entirely sure how he graduated from the Academy. Or made Captain, for that matter.”

“Graduated?” Chopper asked, tilting his head.

“Yeah.” Zoro nodded, then frowned. “You do work for the Federation, right?”

“No?” Chopper frowned back.

“Oh, for the love of-!”

Franny’s raucous uhahaha laughter cut off whatever Zoro had been about to say, and she held one massive metal hand out across the table to Chopper. “Pirate, right?” she grinned.

“Yep.” Chopper nodded, tapping his hoof to her large red palm.

“If I may ask.” Brook said, tilting his head to look down at Chopper. “What were you going to do with that water, earlier?”

“Mm?” Chopper cocked his head to the side, then looked over his shoulder at the puddle. He’d have to clean that up after lunch. “I was going to heal Zoro’s forehead.”

“With water?” Vivi asked, lips pursing slightly.

“Yeah.” Chopper nodded. “Until I find my bag, I can only heal with waterbending.”

“Is that how you made the water float?” Zoro’s eyes were sharp, his mouth pulled down ever so slightly at the edges.

“Yes?” Chopper frowned back, then looked around the table. These strange, alternate versions of his nakama all looked at least a little bit confused. “What’s with those faces? It’s just waterbending. Robin and Usopp can do it too.”

“I’ve been around for quite a while, and I’ve never heard of such a power.” Brook said, his expressionless skull projecting an air of confusion.

“Me neither.” Franny shook her head.

“Or me.” Vivi added.

“Looks like that’s your thing.” Zoro said sagely. “Hey, does seawater work for healing Luffy?”

“I don’t think so?” Chopper frowned, trying to recall if he’d seen anyone use seawater for healing. “The purer healing water is, the more powerful it becomes. And I can’t bend seawater anyways. Part of being a fruit user.”

“Huh.” Franny sipped her cola. “Bet you’d love to find out.

“Definitely.” Chopper nodded. “I’ve heard of seawater being used for healing before, in a pinch, but I’ve never heard what it does to fruit users.”

“That sounds really neat.” Vivi said with a small, almost bittersweet smile.

“You know what else sounds neat?” Chopper asked, stirring his soup and looking from that to Vivi. “How you wound up acting captain instead of Zoro.”

“Oh.” she blushed. “Well, it started with the Reverie...”


	13. Chapter 13

“Wow.” Chopper breathed when Vivi finished her story, looking again at her lightning scars and Luffy’s hat on her head. “And he’s really-?”

“Mmhmm.” Vivi nodded.

“Honestly, I can’t say I disapprove.”

“Zoro!” Franny exclaimed, reaching across the table and smacking the side of Zoros’ head.

“What?” Zoro scowled. “If I disapproved I’d be a Gods-damned hypocrite!”

“I hope the you in my universe isn’t such a hardass.” Brook said, taking a sip of the tea he’d brewed during Vivi’s story.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Zoro snapped, glaring over Chopper’s head at Brook.

“Nothing.” Brook said, looking away. Chopper swore he could see a hint of a smile on his skeletal face.

“I mean if it’s any consolation, my Zoro’s got way less chill.” Franny said with a grin. “She would’ve already challenged you to a fight.”

“A fight?” Brook asked, cocking his head to the side.

“Well, yeah, you’re a still swordsman right?” Franny inclined her head towards Brook’s cane-sword.

“You’re a swordsman?” Zoro frowned.

“Is he not one in your world?” Vivi asked, looking at Zoro with a puzzled expression.

“Nope.” Zoro shook his head. “Doesn’t do much fighting at all, really.”

“Well, I _am_ a swordsman.” Brook said, drawing his cane-sword just enough to show the blade. “I’m afraid my skills are a bit rusty, though.”

“Fight, fight, fight.” Franny chanted with a wide grin.

“I could use a good sparring match.” Zoro said with a downright predatory smirk. “You’re on, you old bag of bones.”

“Yohohoho~” Brook laughed, spinning to his feet and drawing his sword. “May I ask what style you use?”

“Wej 'etlh tonSaw’.” Zoro grinned, drawing one of his swords. “But if you’re rusty, I’ll go easy on you and start with one.”

“Not in the kitchen.” Vivi said sternly as Brook pointed his sword at Zoro. “There’s a sparring mat in the training area.”

“Oh, yeah.” Zoro glanced at the counter of gleaming appliances, then at Brook with a familiar taunting grin. “Race ya.”

“Boys.” Vivi sighed, shaking her head as Brook and Zoro dashed out of the kitchen area.

“Pretty sure that Zoro’s older than me, actually.” Franny remarked.

“Still.” Vivi rolled her eyes.

“I feel ya, sis.” Franny nodded.

“I thought the Brook and Zoro from your universe were girls.” Chopper frowned.

“Well, yeah, but they’re still idiots.” Franny shrugged.

“Say, Chopper?”

Chopper turned away from Zoro and Brook’s fight to see Vivi giving him a concerned look. “Yeah?”

“Why do you have bandages all over?” she tilted her head, eyes boring into him.

“We got in a fight.” Chopper shrugged.

“Ha, when do we not?” Franny grinned. “Lemme guess, Sanju got her ribs busted again?”

“I- I don’t know.” Chopper blinked, trying to will back his tears. “We got split up so fast, I couldn’t-” his breath hitched. Across the table, Franny’s eyes widened and her mouth fell open in an expression of pure shock.

“Split up- you mean the fight we got into on Sabaody? With Kuma and Kizaru and that crazy pervert with the battle-axe?”

“You’re one to talk.” Vivi hissed, elbowing Franny in the side. She rubbed her elbow after the dull metal clang sounded, and looked more than a little cross.

“Mmhmm.” Chopper nodded. “I need to get back to them. Rayleigh’s already gonna be done coating the ship, and Nami’s probably already back, and we have to all be there before we can go find Zoro-”

Franny burst out laughing, and Chopper blinked away his tears. “Don’t worry about Zoro.” she assured him. “Or getting back to Sabaody right away. It’ll be a couple-a years before you see them again, and when you do Zoro’ll be the first one to get there.”

“Really?” Chopper frowned. That didn’t really sound like Zoro, ending up where they had agreed to meet. Sure, he usually wound up where they were going somehow or other, but that was by dumb luck.

“Yeah. She teased Sanju about it until we left, more or less.”

Okay, that sounded more like Zoro. Chopper grinned, and looked back at Zoro and Brook’s sparring. Zoro looked like he was having fun, but Brook seemed frustrated, the bones on his back flaring out as far as the chains around them would allow as he tried without success to land a hit.

“Want to look for your bag?” Vivi asked, drawing Chopper’s attention back to her. “There’s not many places it could be.”

“If they kept it.” Franny pointed out.

“They let Brook keep his violin and cane-sword.” Vivi retorted, standing and picking up her bowl and Franny’s. “And while we’re looking, the dishes can soak.”

“Good plan.” Franny nodded, getting up and heading towards the fridge. “I think I’ll work on my project a bit.” she opened the door and pulled out a can of cola. It looked ridiculously tiny in her massive metal hand.

“The most likely place for your bag to be is in one of the bedrooms, since none of us saw anyone come in.” Vivi said as she set her and Franny’s bowls in the sink and turned on the faucet. Chopper gathered up the empty bowls on his side of the table and brought them over, shifting into Heavy Point to put them in the sink. “Thanks.” she grinned, turning off the water once it had passed the upper lip of the bowls. “C’mon, I’ll show you how to open the doors.”

A quick demonstration later, Chopper and Vivi entered the men’s room. All five of the beds were neatly made, the dressers lined up on the opposite wall giving no hint as to which one might have his bag in one of its drawers. “I’ll search these three, you search those two?” Chopper suggested, and Vivi nodded.

“Good plan.” she said, starting over to the other end. It didn’t take long for Chopper to confirm that his bag wasn’t in any of the dresser drawers, and a few seconds after he closed the last drawer Vivi made a frustrated sound. “It should be somewhere in here.” she frowned. “There’s no reason for them to put it in the girls’ room.”

“They’re aliens, right?” Chopper tilted his head. “Maybe they don’t treat genders like humans do.”

“That would explain the number of beds in each room.” Vivi mused, then smiled. “You go clean up that puddle in the common area, I’ll check for your bag.”

“Okay.” Chopper nodded with a small grin. He still had to get back to his nakama, but until then he had these weird versions of them to keep him company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you on mobile, Wej 'etlh tonSaw’ is Three Sword Style in Klingon.


	14. Chapter 14

Fifty two loaves of grubloaf, two dozen kilos of Teyrian cheese, three dozen of smoked oinkbeast meat... Sanjie marked the items down on his list, each update to the provisions log saving automatically. Everything had been so hectic leaving the last planet, he hadn’t had time to put everything in the computer save as a mark that resupplying had been done. He’d been able to get just about everything on his list, though, so that meant he could tell Nammie they had enough supplies to last them almost half a perigee. He smiled slightly at the thought of their lovely helmswoman. She was in the helmsbridge right now, guiding them through the void while Uusopp rested. Or, well, he was _supposed_ to be resting. Sanjie could hear him and Luffy laughing a deck up, accompanied by pounding feet and Choppa yelling at them both.

A strange sound cut through the ambient noises of the Merrie, and when Sanjie turned towards it his eyes widened. There was a hole in the wall. A hole looking into a room that looked like it belonged in a planetside hospital. “What the fuck?” he frowned, setting his handheld husktop down on a box and approaching the hole. “Hey, Na-” no, fuck, Nammie was in the helmsbridge right now. And with Nammie in the helmsbridge Vivivi was probably keeping her company. That, plus Choppa having chased Uusopp and Luffy well out of earshot meant there was only one person on the ship who was likely to hear him. “Hey, moss-blood!” he called over his shoulder as he came to a halt in from of the hole. “Come check this out!”

He looked back at the hole, and took a step to the left to get a better view of the room on the other side. It was mostly empty, with featureless white walls which met near-seamlessly with the floor and ceiling. The few figures he could see were bipedal, but had absurdly skinny limbs. One reached out towards him, and Sanjie’s eyes widened as its hand broke through the portal in the wall.

“Whoa!” he yelped, leaping back against a storage crate. More of the alien figures turned towards him, guns raised, and he felt his ear fins flare out as he bared his teeth. He could handle a dozen or so scrawny alien guards no problem. And if he finished them off before Zororo showed up, his crewmate would probably be pissed. Two of the aliens charged him, and he grinned as he slammed the heel of his shoe into each of this foreheads in quick succession. Not hard enough to kill, this was just a warm-up fight after all, but definitely hard enough to concuss. These guys would make an excellent warm-up for some sparring with Zororo.

The third alien he took down with a shot to the shame globes and a chuckle, but when he lowered his leg to taunt the ones hovering anxiously by the portal something lashed out and wrapped tight around his ankle. He looked down, and quickly pivoted on his ensnared foot to bring his free heel down on the rope. The rope turned out to be more of a cable, though; one even his nice new shoekind specibus couldn’t put a dent in. Another cable shot from the portal to wrap around his free leg, and Sanjie yelped as he was pulled off his feet. No, no, he was _not_ getting wigglernapped. Zororo would never let him live it down if he got grabbed right out of the ship’s hold.

He dug his claws into the floor, but it was useless. He had no leverage, or what he did have wasn’t enough to resist whatever winch was reeling him in like a landed fish. One of the aliens he’d kicked earlier made to stomp on his hand, and he snatched both of them to his chest. A few heartbeats later the familiar ambient sounds of the Merrie were gone, replaced by a mechanical noise and the crackle of raw energy. The winch stopped dragging him across the smooth white floor, and he flipped to his feet.

“Let me go, and I’ll kill you quickly.” he snarled, glaring at the aliens in front of him. Two were soldiers, wearing the same protective vest and dark uniform as the ones he’d kicked, while the one between them was smaller and wore a white coat. The soldiers held guns with wires protruding from the barrels and spools near the shoulder bit. So all he needed to do was yank the weapons out of their hands? That should be simple, now that he was standing.

“I think not.” the small alien said, glaring in what he probably thought was a fierce manner. “Guards, the injection.”

Injection? Fuck no. Choppa was the only one who got to inject anything into his body. Sanjie whirled on his heel, ripping one of the guards’ guns free. It made for an impromptu weapon, one he was sure had no grief specibus designation, but when the hefty holding part of the gun slammed into the other guard’s head he grinned. “Sorry, asshole. Ship’s doctormentor has exclusive rights on my treatments.” he lowered his foot, and immediately tensed as something heavy clamped around both of his ankles. Fuck. Shit, fucking- he spun, lifting his foot to smash into the skull of the alien but wobbled when the chain between the heavy, solid cuffs snapped taut. **Crap**.

Firm hands grabbed his elbows, dragging them behind his back and forcing him down to his knees. “The injection?” the scientist alien said right by his ear, tone clipped and impatient.

“Ready.” a uniformed alien said, holding up something that looked way, _way_ too big to be an actual syringe.

“Fuck you!” Sanjie snapped, trying and failing to wrench his arms free. “Shitty alien nookwhiffers!” he yelled, baring his teeth and twisting to snap them around the thin arm that tried to reach past his head with the massive needle. It was a dirty move, even in the lowblood fighting style he used, but it was his only option left. Hot, salty blood welled in his mouth, and he bore down with all the force he could muster. Something, probably a bone, snapped between his teeth. Blood dribbled out at the corners of his thin black lips, hot against his cool skin. His head snapped to the side suddenly, whole constellations of stars bursting behind his eyes, and as he was crying out in pain hands gripped his horns and yanked his head forwards into what was probably a knee.

“My arm!” one of the guards cried, and Sanjie forced his eyes open. The alien’s arm was gushing mutant blood, and not a pale mutation like Choppa’s or a technically-on-spectrum one like his own, but a bright, eye-searing red like the band on Luffy’s hat and the laces on Zororo’s boots. Where the fuck was he that the Empire hadn’t eradicated these things yet? Sanjie realized the guards were staring, and smiled his widest, most threatening grin. His lips and chin were wet with that hideous mutant blood, which probably made up for the intimidation factor he lacked when he wasn’t wearing his rainbow shoes.

“Next one who tries something like that, I’ll go for dismemberment.” he snarled, eyes flicking from guard to guard.

“You, get a muzzle.” one of the guards said to another. “You, get a tourniquet on his arm and call an ambulance.”

“Yes, sir.” both aliens said, and bustled off. The alien in charge leaned forward over Sanjie, and Sanjie flared his ear fins out deliberately. Sure, his blood colour hadn’t meant anything in over four sweeps, but these aliens had no way of knowing that.

“I really wish you weren’t part of the collection.” the alien who’d given orders said, gripping Sanjie’s jaw. “Then I could have you shot for the damage you’ve done to my men.”

“Collection?” Sanjie managed through gritted teeth, glaring up at the alien guard. He had to buy time. Zororo should be here any second, and that crazy midblood would be able to mow through these guys like grass. Oh, he _had_ to figure out how to turn that into a blood colour joke. Uusopp would definitely find it funny.

“Got the muzzle!” the guard from earlier said, trotting back into Sanjie’s field of vision. Sanjie’s eyes latched onto the curved piece of metal in his hands, and his breath caught in his throat. No. No, no, no no no no.

“No.” he growled, shoulders tensing. “I’m not letting you put that on me.”

I ask?” the head guard asked rhetorically, stepping aside so the one with the mask could approach. The head guard had to release his chin for the mask to get close, and Sanji lunged for his hand. He got one knuckle of the bulgehead’s middle finger, then a hand wrapped around one of his horns and forced his head back so roughly his neck made an unhealthy sound. Then the mask was on and being buckled behind his head and he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t see anything but straight ahead. His muscles burned with the desperate need to move, to run, to _fight back_ , but the shackles around his ankles felt as heavy as solar iron and his knees felt locked in position.

“Do the injection.” the head guard said, pulling Sanjie’s head forward and down until all he could see was the white floor splattered with ugly, mutant red. His mouth tasted like their mutant blood. He swallowed, and almost gagged when he realized he’d just eaten the alien’s finger. But who knew when the next time he’d be fed was, if his crew didn’t get here in time? There was a spike of pain at the back of his neck, then the guard with the bleeding hand was retreating and the alien behind him was forcing him to his feet.

“Take him to the curator.” the alien holding his elbows said, releasing his arms and shoving him forwards.

The guard alien took him by the wrists, and Sanjie forced himself to breathe through his mouth as he was marched towards the wall. A door appeared with a wave of the alien’s hand, and he stumbled slightly when he was pushed into the room. Two chairs, a table with a loop to hook handcuffs through, and no mirror so there were probably cameras hidden in the nigh-invisible seams somewhere. He fell into the nearer seat, and breathed through his mouth as deeply as he could manage. His crew would come for him, he had no doubt of that. He couldn’t look pitiable when they got here.


	15. Chapter 15

Sanjie looked up as an alien entered the room from the wall opposite the one he’d come through. This one was dressed more nicely than the ones in the last room, his outfit closer to Sanjie’s own crisp black suit but lacking any visible symbol.

“Good to see you’ve calmed down.” the alien, probably the curator, said with a too-wide smile. It wasn’t as wide as Luffy’s, but something about it made Sanjie’s skin crawl.

“What do you want?” Sanjie said harshly, elbows braced on the table like he was just leaning forward, not halfway still curled in on himself and fighting his breathing back to normal. He was almost there, but almost wouldn’t be good enough to fool Choppa.

“Hmm, they really weren’t exaggerating.” the curator frowned, sitting down in the other chair. “An even more imperfect specimen than the last.”

Sanjie stiffened, bile rising in his throat. “Shut up.” he snarled, hands curling into fists against the dull metal of the tabletop. “I’m nobody’s _specimen_.”

“Perhaps not before, but you are now part of my employer’s collection.” the curator said, looking down at the handheld husktop he’d set on the table.

“Fuck. No.” Sanjie growled, pitching his voice as low as he could and gesturing for his grief specibus. “I’d rather be culled than _kept_.” he selected his sturdiest shoes, the ones decorated with so many layers of blood the original black was all but invisible, and shifted his weight on the table from his elbows to his hands. The curator’s eyes widened, and Sanjie let out his best war cry as he vaulted the table. Pain jackknifed through his body seconds before his heels struck the curator’s face. He gritted his teeth and threw all his force into the blow.

Something broke under his heel, and the pain intensified. Before it had been like bruised ribs through his whole body, now it was more like broken ones. But still, he’d fought through worse. He pivoted on his hands, keeping his feet tight together as he swung around for another strike. His vision was going monochrome, he could feel the familiar rage burning through his chest and out into his limbs, and for once he didn’t try to fight it. He wouldn’t be kept here, away from his crew, away from the stars. The curator moved back out of his range, chair falling over with a clatter, and Sanjie launched himself at the alien with a roar. He’d rip this shithead’s face off, rend him limb from bloody limb, paint the walls with his fucking freak blood.

The pain got exponentially worse as he grabbed the curator’s lapels, dragging the alien down to the ground where he could kneel on his abdomen. His head was pounding, vision spinning from the pain, his racing pulse and inarticulate roar drowning out whatever words were coming from the curator’s mouth. The curator went limp under him and then there were more aliens, a pair wearing the dark suits of guards, and he flung himself at them with a scream. He’d kill anything that got in the way of him getting home, back to his crew and his freedom. Blood splashed on his face and neck, probably on his jacket and shirt too, but he didn’t care.

Something struck the back of his head, and Sanjie blacked out.

\---

Sanjie woke with a scream stuck in his throat, chest heaving uselessly. He could still taste their blood, still feel the echo of rage thrumming under his skin, still hear the screams echoing in his ears. His eyes flew open, and he nearly choked on air. A sterile white ceiling filled his field of vision, his peripheral view of the rest of the block cut off by the edges of eye holes cut in something which was formed against his face. He raised a shaking hand to touch the mask, and gasped in a shallow breath through his mouth. A muzzle. No, it couldn’t be- his crew wouldn’t let- but his hands were covered in mostly-dry blood and he could taste it in his mouth and-

His head was spinning as he clawed at the muzzle with both hands, scratching and pulling until something gave and he could breathe again, could fling it across the room, could sit up and take in the rest of his surroundings. The block was much better furnished than any captivity block he’d ever seen or heard of, five respite slabs and five squat wardrobifiers along opposite walls. Everything was white, save the respite slab coverings by his hips and no-longer-shackled feet. There the fabric was stained with blood, and Sanjie’s stomach lurched as he noticed the colour. Deep, brownish red. Like a mix of Luffy and Nammie’s blood. But there were no other colours. None of Vivivi’s lovely cerulean or Uusopp’s sclera-gold, no splashes of Zororo’s mossy green, not a drop of Chopper’s mutant pastel. He drew a shaky breath and squeezed his eyes shut, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyelids. Just a daymare. Nothing more than a bad dream. It wasn’t their blood, wasn’t their lives on his hands.

He could hear laughter, muted somewhat by distance and at least one wall. Zororo’s familiar gyehahaha, Choppa’s halting eh eh eh, Vivivi’s adorable snorting giggle. He managed a deeper breath, and forced himself to his feet. If his crewmates were here, there was nothing to worry about. They were alive, he was alive, they were together. It was a little unnatural, to pity so many people, but Luffy was just so stupid it was hard not to be a little bit pale for him and when everyone was pale for the captain it turned into one big mess that’d probably get them all culled if they lived on any planet in the Empire.

Sanjie swung his feet over the edge of the respite slab and stood up, thankful for a moment that his limbs weren’t shaking anymore. His pump biscuit was still racing, though, and he knew that if he stopped focusing on his breathing it would go right back to quick, shallow gasps. Zororo. Sparring with the moss-blood never failed to settle his nerves, or at least shift any restless energy into something he knew how to deal with. He started towards the sound, and waved his hand over the wall until a doorway opened up.

The block beyond seemed to have multiple purposes. There was training equipment, a table with benches, a _stunning_ culinary area, and the sort of furniture you’d expect to find in a leisure block. The leisure area was where the noise was coming from, and Sanjie’s eyes widened as he took in the chaotic scene before him. A huge, muscular alien with Choppa’s horns was trying to pull apart two aliens with disfigured faces and unnaturally colourful hair while a massive cyborg alien laughed. That was all well and good, but his eyes caught on the _thing_ playing a violin next to her. The thing with a skeletal face and hands, and two massive bones rising up over its shoulders decorated with swags of gleaming chain. The thing that embodied the worst of the horror stories Zehffe had used to scare him into getting in his recuperacoon before dawn when he was a wiggler.

“ **ANGEL!** ” he screamed, and launched himself forwards. It was futile, but at least he’d go down fighting.


	16. Chapter 16

The next few things happened very fast. His foot connected with the angel’s head, knocking it clean off. The alien with Choppa’s horns stared at him with wide blue eyes, the one with the scarred face had paused with an arm around her opponent’s throat, and the one in a pan-lock looked like he’d just been hit between the eyes. Sanjie’s feet hit the floor, and he whirled to slam his heel into the angel’s ribs. There was an ugly sound of splintering bone, and the angel staggered back as massive metal hands fastened around his biceps. The aliens were yelling at him now, but it was all one big blur of colour and motion and noise to him.

“Put him down!” Choppa’s voice squeaked, the hulking alien turning into a more colourful version of his latest crewmate. “Franny, put him down on the couch. Zoro, Vivi, go check on Brook.”

Sanjie flopped onto the soft seat he was put in, and didn’t even flinch as a Choppa look-alike scooted up to his side. He had to breathe but his lungs weren’t working, refusing to hold air for more than a second or two. He was shaking again, head spinning, and then the alien with green hair and dark eyes was crouching in front of him and saying something. The words just sounded like meaningless noise, but something about them was still soothing. The alien took Sanjie’s hand and pressed it to the front of his red shirt, then inhaled deeply and held it for a second before slowly exhaling. Did this nookhead think he didn’t know what he had to do? Sanjie tried to snatch his hand back, but the fingers around his wrist were firm.

“Breathe.” the alien said, his tone soft but firm, like Sourah’s had been the last time she spoke to him. “Try to match me.” he inhaled, and Sanjie did the same. He couldn’t match the alien’s pace at first, but after a minute or two he realized he’d stopped shaking. His breaths were coming easier too, and the alien sat back with a small, strange grin. “Better?” he asked, releasing Sanjie’s wrist.

Sanjie nodded and drew his hand to his chest, eyes darting from the alien’s strange face and eyes to the Choppa look-alike to the skeletal probably-an-angel which seemed to be unconscious on the floor between the two female aliens. “Where’s my crew?” he asked, eyes settling back on the alien in front of him. He seemed to be the oldest, and his outfit looked like a uniform of some sort, so he was probably in charge.

“Back in whatever universe you came from.” the alien shrugged. “But don’t worry, we’re working on finding a way back.”

“I think you mean _we’re_ working on finding a way back, Zoro bro. You’re not part of that particular plan.” the cyborg woman laughed. “I’ve seen my Zoro get lost going in a straight line.”

“Same.” the girl with bright blue hair said, nodding sagely.

“Mmhmm.” the Choppa look-alike nodded.

“Thanks for the vote of no confidence.” the alien with the strange forehead grumbled, sitting back and crossing his arms, glowering at each other alien in turn before returning his gaze to Sanjie. “What’s your name, kid?” he asked, uncrossing his arms.

“Kid?” Sanjie scowled. That was a word other species used for their young, and sure he hadn’t hit his adult moult yet but _still_. “I’m nine sweeps in a few perigees, I’m not a wriggler anymore.”

“Nine?!” the aliens exclaimed as one.

“How long does your species live?” the Choppa look-alike asked, eyes wide and sparkling with excitement. The resemblance to his crew’s doctormentor really was uncanny.

“Naturally?” Sanjie frowned, trying to recall the bootleg schoolfeeds he’d skimmed through at the Baratie sweeps and sweeps ago. “Rustbloods, typically a couple dozen sweeps. Seadwellers don’t usually go under a hundred and twenty, though.” and his blood colour had never existed before, or at least hadn’t made it past grub-hood without being culled, but simple math told him he would outlive the next highest member of his crew by three or four dozen sweeps. If they weren’t all culled before then, which they probably would be because the Empire did not take kindly to pirates or to disruption of the status quo and they were pretty solidly both.

“Wha?” the Choppa look-alike tilted his head, mouth pinching in a small, confused, absolutely pitiable pout.

“I’m going to live for a very long time.” Sanjie said, rolling his eyes. “How long does your species live?” he directed the question at the Choppa look-alike.

“Oh, well...” he looked aside, and the blue haired girl spoke up.

“Humans can live about a hundred and forty years, give or take.” she said, gesturing at herself and the cyborg with one hand as they sat the skeleton up. “Chopper is a reindeer human, so we’re not sure about him.”

“Lil bro’s one of a kind.” the cyborg grinned, and the little Choppa look-alike did a very familiar wiggle-dance with a happy giggle.

“That’s not a compliment, you bastard~”

Okay, this was too weird even for him, and his life was pretty damn weird.

“I thought human lives were only a century.” the red-shirted alien frowned.

“Maybe in your crazy space world.” the cyborg rolled her eyes.

“What do you mean, crazy space world?”

“Sorry, crazy space _universe_. You’re the only one here who lives on a spaceship.”

“I live on a spaceship.” Sanjie interjected. “Have since I was hatched, more or less.”

“Hatched?” the skeletal angel asked as it stood, managing to look shocked despite having no face to make expressions with.

“Okay, it’s obvious this is alien Sanji.” the blue haired girl said, holding her hands up to forestall any further questions or comments. “Chopper, is that blood his?”

“Not that I can tell.” Chopper shook his head.

“Alright. Sanji, whose blood is it?”

“How do you know my name?” he asked. “For that matter, what are any of your names?” he looked around at the aliens who were probably his best chance at getting back to his ship and his crew.

“I’m Brook.” the skeleton volunteered. “Not an angel, just a skeleton.”

“Franny.” the cyborg identified herself with a grin.

“I’m Chopper.” the little fuzzy alien said quickly, and Sanjie nodded.

“Figured that one out already.”

“Commander Z’oro Roronoa.”

Wait, what. It wasn’t quite right, but the similarity was too much to be a coincidence. Sanjie’s eyes flicked down to Z’oro’s waist, where three swords hung. Zororo kept his swords in the same spot, since he was a dumbass who had never bothered to figure out how a sylladex worked.

“Oh, _commander_ Zoro.” Franny teased. “What’s Luffy, a commodore?”

“A captain.” Z’oro frowned, as if Franny’s question was completely stupid.

“And I’m Vivi.” the girl with short blue hair said, stepping between Z’oro and Franny. They both stopped arguing, but sorta glared at each other over her head for a second. Chopper, Z’oro, Vivi, their names were too similar to his crew for him to ignore. And come to think of it, Chopper’s hat was damn close to Choppa’s blood colour. Z’oro’s hair was a perfect match for Zororo’s, and Vivi’s was like a mutant version of Vivivi’s blood.

“Is your home planet called Alabasta?” Sanjie asked, meeting Vivi’s gander bulbs. They were blue, bright like the crackle of psiionics and sharp as his nice knives. The colourless sclera around her irises was a little unnerving, but the tan skin around the edges crinkled slightly as she smiled.

“Island, but yes, I’m from Alabasta.”

“Island?” Z’oro frowned, or frowned deeper, the ridges on his brow becoming more pronounced as the skin between them furrowed. “Alabasta’s a planet.”

“Maybe where you’re from, bro.” Franny grinned smugly. “In my ‘verse, Alabasta’s a country. And Vivi’s the princess.” she slung an arm around the smaller woman’s shoulders. There it was again, the casual reference to universes. Had that hole he went through, that _portal_ , taken him into another universe? That would explain why Zororo hadn’t come after him, and why these aliens were so similar to his crew.

“You’re a princess?” Brook tilted his head, leaning forwards. Sanjie shrank back against the couch as subtly as he could, and Chopper sighed next to him. “Really?”

“Not anymore.” Vivi shook her head with a smile. “I’m a pirate now.” she fixed her eyes on Sanjie, and he felt the prickle of instinctive fear he’d only felt before when facing down an adult highblood. It was disconcerting, feeling that sort of energy from an alien who barely looked older than him and whose... troll counterpart, was so many castes lower than him. “Now we’ve been introduced, so answer my question. Whose blood is on your shoes?”

“I’m not sure.” Sanjie admitted. “Everything’s a bit of a blur. I doubt I managed to kill anyone, though.”

“Alright.” Vivi nodded once. “I’m sure you’ve got questions for us.”

Sanjie nodded. So many questions. Who was he to them in their universes? Why were their eyes white instead of yellow? How were they planning to get back to their own lives? Why was Z’oro _taller_ than him? Zororo was only noticeably taller because of his horns, but Z’oro had no horns and he was still definitely taller than Sanjie.

“Then go ahead and ask.” Vivi turned and walked to one of the armchairs, swaying forward slightly before she sat down. “We’ll do our best to answer.” the others seemed to take this as their cue to find seats as well, and Sanjie was silently grateful when Brook chose one well away from him.

All his questions, and where to begin...? Something simple, easy to answer, and he could build up to the more complex ones once he had an idea of how these aliens worked. Oh, he had just the thing!

“Why’s moss-pan’s forehead look all weird?” he pointed at Z’oro.


	17. Chapter 17

Sanjie stared into the hunger trunk with a small frown, eyes flicking from item to item. Most of them looked like normal food, or at least similar enough that he could guess how best to cook with them and make them last, but a few looked strange. He grabbed a not quite rectangular container of something made up of brightly coloured stripes, and pulled the lid off to sniff it. Not much of an odor, possibly because it was still cool. He grabbed a spoon from his sylladex, and was about to scoop a bit out when Z’oro’s hand fastened around his wrist.

“The hell are you doing?” he asked, glaring at Sanjie.

“Testing the food.” Sanjie scowled right back. He was already starting to hate this guy. “I need to know what I’m working with if I’m going to keep everyone here alive until we come up with a plan.”

Z’oro’s eyes widened slightly, his grip becoming more gentle but no less firm. “Still, you shouldn’t stick random things in your mouth. For all any of us know, something toxic to us could be perfectly edible to them.”

“I’m immune to 95% of all known toxins and illnesses.” he deadpanned, giving Z’oro his flattest stare. “Now let me do my job, or get out of my culinary block.”

“Uhahaha, Zoro got told!” Franny laughed.

“Well fucking excuse me for trying to make sure this idiot doesn’t give himself mercury poisoning or something!” Z’oro snapped, releasing Sanjie’s wrist. Sanjie bared his teeth in a sneer.

“We’re not even clade, you nookstain.” he jerked his hand back to his side, fingers curling tight around the spoon handle.

“The fuck does that mean?” Z’oro frowned.

“It means, I’m not your goddamn responsibility.” Sanjie hissed, equipping a less lethal pair of shoes with a quick shuffle of the cards in his grief deck.

“Maybe not, but that won’t stop me from looking out for you.” Z’oro crossed his arms.

“Fuck that!” Sanji made a slashing motion with his hand, stowing the spoon and yet-unidentified food in his sylladex to free them both. “I don’t know you, and even the moss-blood I _do_ know doesn’t fucking pity me like that.”

“Pity?” Chopper stage-whispered, and Sanjie could see the little doctortormentor leaning towards Vivi out of the corner of his glance nugget. She shrugged.

“What the hell?” Z’oro made a confused face. “I don’t pity you. Except maybe those unfortunate eyebrows.”

Sanjie could hear someone chuckling, but didn’t turn to see who it was. “What was that?” he snarled, assessing his surroundings as well as he could without actually looking around. This alien wasn’t Zororo, but Zororo still had some kind of pitch thing going with Nammie so Sanjie didn’t feel _too_ bad about hate-flirting with Z’oro.

“Ugh, sorry.” Z’oro groaned, lifting a hand and running it over his face. “Reflex.”

“Sorry?” Sanji straightened up, relaxing his stance. “The shit are you sorry for?”

“Egging you on?” Z’oro gave him a look he couldn’t decipher. “Look, you’re just a kid. I’m not going to fight you.”

“I’m practically nine!” Sanjie exclaimed, shuffling his grief deck back to the nice new shoes he’d been wearing when he came through the portal.

“Like I said. A kid.” Z’oro repeated himself, moving to pass Sanjie. “I’m not gonna do anything with you but make sure you stay alive to get back to your own Z’oro.”

Oh, that was **it**! Sanjie spun and slammed the steel-reinforced heel of his shoe into Z’oro’s shoulder. On Zororo a clean hit like that would’ve numbed his fingers for about a second and made his arm feel limp for closer to two or three. Even when Sanjie was barefoot or couldn’t make that clean hit, landing the strike never failed to throw his favourite sparring partner off-balance. Z’oro didn’t even stagger.

“Fight me, you shitty moss-pan!” Sanjie yelled, jumping up to plant his heel in Z’oro’s back. It was like kicking the hull of an imperial starship. He dropped to the floor, landing on one foot and shaking his other in the air. “What is that shirt made of, woven steel?”

“Hah! I wish.” Z’oro laughed. “Then it’d actually hold up in a fight.” he turned, and Sanjie saw his expression change from a smile to a smirk to a frown in the space of about two seconds. Z’oro’s eyes darted over to him, then quickly away as his frown deepened. That fucker was still pitying him?!

“Hey, Sanji?” Vivi said sweetly, drawing his attention away from planning another attack on Z’oro. “You can cook, right?”

“Of course!” he answered brightly, smiling at her. “Are you hungry?”

“Just a bit.” Vivi smiled somewhat sheepishly. “If it’s not too much trouble-”

“For such an exceptional blueblood as yourself, it’s no trouble at all.” Sanjie grinned, doing a little spin before turning to the hunger trunk. Viv liked hull-fruits, which he didn’t see any of here, but those things there, and that other container, and maybe some of that... he could get a cold thing ready in five minutes, tops, and most of that would be finding the tools.

Sanjie tuned out the quiet conversation between his fellow captives as he pulled open drawers and removed the utensils he needed, letting himself focus wholly on the dish he was making until Chopper raised his voice slightly to address him.

“Hey, Sanjie?”

He glanced over his shoulder, then back at the cutting board. “Don’t worry, I’m making a plate for the guys too.”

“Oh, thanks, but..." he paused, and Sanjie turned to face him.

“But what?” Sanjie tilted his head, then looked from the little reindeer-human to the cutting board. “Shit, are you allergic to something in these? I’ll make you some separate.”

“No, no.” Chopper shook his head. “Just, are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah.” Sanjie nodded. He was still kinda tired from sleeping sans-sopor, and a headache was building just under his horns, but both of those could only be solved with sopor and he wasn’t about to tell Chopper about a problem that couldn’t be fixed. The tiny doctormentor was just too damn pitiable. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, you haven’t hit on Vivi or Franny once yet.”

Franny, who’d been taking a drink of her off-brand Tab, spit the cola all over Brook. “Holy shit, you’re right!”

“Oh yeah.” Z’oro gave him a look that felt far too much like an examination for Sanjie’s comfort. He bristled, and gritted his teeth when the moss-pan looked away. God, he hated to think of making Nammie upset but when he got back to Merrie he was going to end up stealing Zororo’s pitch attentions for himself. She had a quadrant and a half without him, she’d be fine.

“Huh, that is weird now that I think about it.” Vivi pursed her lips slightly and tilted her head.

“Well I’m not going to proposition someone who’s already spoken for.” Sanjie frowned, leaning back against the counter. Vivi was older than Viv, so it only made sense that she had more quadrants filled than the one and a half which was so common on his crew.

“Spoken for?” Franny, Brook, and Chopper asked in unison. Vivi said nothing, but her eyes widened.

“Well, I can’t imagine any universe where Viv and Nammie aren’t flushed for each other, so-” Sanjie trailed off in a shrug. Vivi’s face went darker, and she looked down at the table.

“Oh, um- Nami and I aren’t- I mean-‘

“Wait, really?” Z’oro gave Vivi an incredulous look. “I mean you weren’t married in the other fucked-up universe I went to, but you were still kinda together. I think.” he frowned.

“Not surprised.” Franny nodded. “I can’t count how many times Nami woke us up giggling with you at stupid o’clock in the morning. And before you came aboard, she did have that fling with Sanju.”

“Wait, what?” Sanjie leaned forward, eyebrows rising on his forehead. “Nammie and I were together?”

“Well, you’re both flaming lesbians in my universe, but Usopp told me that once Vivi showed up she dumped you and they’ve been insufferably cute ever since.” Franny shrugged her massive shoulders, and Sanjie felt his mouth curling into a dopy smile. Him and Nammie, flushed for each other? Even if it was only briefly, and only in another reality where they were all girls, the thought that it _had_ happened made his pump biscuit flutter in his chest.

“Oh.” Vivi’s voice, small and almost pained, drew Sanjie’s attention back to the present. Her whole face had gone dark with blush, and her gander bulbs seemed almost glued to the tabletop.

“Hey, don’t worry about it.” Z’oro said, reaching across the table to clap her on the shoulder. “If you’re together in three universes so far, I’m sure you’ll end up with each other in your own.” he released Vivi’s shoulder, and sat back upright. “And I’m sure it’ll be a whirlwind romance in your universe, too.”

“Or a hurricane.” Vivi smiled, giggling delicately at some joke only she was privy to. Sanjie smiled, and turned back to making a snack. Maybe there were some crackers in the hunger cabinet that he could plate with the fruits and cheeses. A bit of crunch would make this snack even better, and they’d need all of their energy to find a way back to their own lives.


	18. Chapter 18

Robin reached up, and pulled a book down off of the shelf. Crocodile’s library was expansive, sure, but his books were largely about marines and fictions of the sort she wasn’t interested in.

“Do you need any help, miss?”

“Yes, actually.” Robin put the book in her hand back where she’d taken it from, and made a mental note to come back for it later. It looked rather entertaining. “Does this library have a section on magical theory? I’m looking for a book on exotic summons referenced in a certain academic journal.”

“Oh, yes.” the library assistant bobbed his head. “It’s downstairs in the reference section. We’ve got the more specific ones shelved by affinity, so the book you’re looking for may be under S instead of M.”

“Thank you.” Robin nodded back, and turned to continue down the aisle. She hadn’t been in the Rainbase libraries enough yet to learn their esoteric cataloguing system, but the employees were friendly enough. Possibly because her boss ran the city’s largest and most successful business, possibly because they were genuinely interested in library sciences and the sharing of knowledge. She suspected the former was more likely.

The books on general magical theory looked well-worn, and she picked one up to flip through as she walked on towards the S section. The edges of the pages were worn soft, corners creased and rounded by countless fingers folding down or passing over them. But for all the wear on the pages, the binding was in good condition. At least one person here cared about the books under their ownership. Robin set the book down on an end table between shelves, and started scanning the spines for the title she’d read in the bibliography of an interesting article yesterday. She was already quite capable, but a mage could never have too many spells memorised, especially one of her affinity.

A sound caught her attention as she was reaching for a book which seemed tangentially related to the one she was looking for, and Robin turned to see what looked for all the world like a hole in mid-air. It looked like it opened into an empty white room, but something felt off. Robin crossed her arms, and bloomed an arm with an eye on the palm to peer through. Closing her eyes, Robin turned her third hand from side to side. There were a few inhuman beings standing behind a large bulky console of some sort, and- yeah, no, those were definitely soldiers.

A boot swung at her third arm and eye, and Robin reflexively muffled her cry of pain as it connected with considerable force. The bloomed limb disintegrated into petals, and Robin pressed an aching hand to her watering eye. She had to get out of here, or at least into the stairwell. She couldn’t fight in a library, not freely like she could out in the open. Her summons that could handle a large number of enemies were either too big for these aisles or would cause too much collateral damage to the books.

The first soldiers through the portal, she bloomed arms on their shoulders and twisted their heads until she felt something snap. They dropped, and one of the second wave made a strangled, pained sound before crumpling with Robin’s hands on either side of his head. She’d made it almost to the end of the aisle when something not quite humanoid ducked through the portal, and straightened up, and up, and up. The top of its head brushed the ceiling, and its neck was thicker across than her arm was long. That wasn’t something she could take on her own. She lifted her hands and began to form the sigils that went with one of her fallback summons. It would get blood on the books, but that was better than-

Something sank into her chest, and Robin looked down to see a dart sticking out of her chest. Her fingers were rapidly growing numb, her vision swimming as whatever drug had been in the needle was pumped through her body. Her tongue felt like lead in her mouth, then like nothing at all, and she only knew she’d fallen over because she could still see. She didn’t feel the impact, didn’t feel the hands that lifted her and carried her into the white room. She felt a slight pinch at the back of her neck, and then she was moved to what was unmistakably an interrogation room.

It wasn’t long at all before another inhuman being entered the room, this one dressed far more formally than the soldiers or the ones at the console. One side of its face bore a livid bruise in the shape of a footprint, and the other three mostly-vertical parallel scratches which started at the outer edge of its eye and went all the way down to its jaw. “Is she alert?” it asked, looking over Robin’s head at the being holding her upright.

“Should be. We only got one dart in her chest.”

“Excellent.” the new being grinned, its face stretching unnaturally and displaying far too many sharp teeth. “You’re probably wondering where you are.” it said, taking the seat across the table. “Well, you can stop worrying about how we will treat you.”

If Robin could’ve narrowed her eyes, she would’ve glared. Apparently the being caught her intent, though, because it chuckled.

“The paralytic is a last resort. You damaged several of my employer’s guards.” the being looked down at a flat, thin device in its hand, then set it on the table. “I understand that you are capable of summoning approximations of living beings from extradimensional space. You will be allowed to do this at your leisure, of course, but any attempt to summon a beast to cause damage to my employer’s property will be summarily punished.”

Punished? They’d have to catch her first, and a lifetime of living on the run had made her rather good at not getting caught.

“Of course, my employer does not like his collection pieces damaged, so these punishments will be meted out through the neural jack implanted in your neck. It allows us complete control of your nervous system, and I’m sure the other members of your collection can attest to the effectiveness of this method of punishment.” it looked down at the thin thing it had placed on the table, and clicked its tongue. “And the paralytic should be leaving your system soon, so guards?” it gestured, and Robin was lifted from the seat. “Don’t worry.” the inhuman being said with another too-wide smile. “From now on, your life will be one of comfort and ease.”

Comfort, ease, and captivity. Robin felt her mouth twitch down as she tried to scowl. Crocodile was far from an ideal boss, but he had kept her off the government’s radar and gotten her closer to finding a poneglyph than she’d been in the last five years. She’d take Crocodile a hundred times over before she’d take a life of safety at the price of any hope of discovering the world’s forbidden history.

Her feet were just beginning to respond and carry her weight when the guards stopped in front of a stretch of wall which looked just like all the others, and one waved its hand over the featureless white surface. The wall opened into a doorway, and Robin walked through it with her head held high. She would make herself as useful to these other collected people as she needed to be to get back to Alabasta, and that meant letting them see her strength. Weak people were not useful, weak people had only themselves to rely on. She would not let these strangers see her as weak.


	19. Chapter 19

The room she walked into contained six people. Or, well, she was reasonably sure they were people. Only one of them looked human. The others seemed to be a skeleton, a robot, a tanuki, and two inhumans, one of whom wouldn’t have looked out of place as a summon. The human threw her head back laughing at something one of the others had said, and Robin’s eyebrows lifted slightly on her forehead. That was Miss Wednesday’s laugh, inelegant and not at all what you would expect of a princess. But Miss Wednesday had long hair, and smooth skin, and her face still bore the softness of youth. What was going on here?

The skeleton looked up from the cards in its hand, and somehow its skull managed to project an air of delighted surprise. “Oh, hello miss!” it beamed, leaping to its feet and closing the distance between them in a single massive bound. “You are truly a delight to behold.” it gave a sweeping bow, giving her a clear view of what could only be wing bones protruding from its back, then straightened back up and smiled at her. “May I see your panties?”

Robin managed a full frown this time, and crossed her arms in an X over her chest. “Dos fleur.” she said, blooming a pair of arms from the shoulders of the skeleton’s jacket and gripping its jaw. “ **Clutch**.” she yanked, and the skeleton let out a high pitched scream as its jaw came free with a snap.

“What the shit, lady!” one of the other captives yelled as Robin tossed herself the jaw bone and let the arms dissolve into petals. There was a sharp pain buzzing through her, like a headache but in her entire body. An effect of the paralytic wearing off, perhaps?

“Ack! Brook!” another one yelled, and the tanuki came running over. “Robin, what’d you do that for?”

“Yeah, man, what the hell?” a deeper voice asked, and Robin made note that it came from the green-haired inhuman. “You know Brook does that to every vaguely feminine person the first time they meet, right?”

“He behaved inappropriately.” Robin said smoothly, holding out the jaw bone to the distressed little tanuki who had somehow known her name. “Now he knows not to do it again.”

“Well, that’s one way to go about it.” Miss Wednesday chuckled. “It can be fixed with some milk, right Brook?”

The skeleton, Brook, nodded. The pain vanished as abruptly as it had set in, and Robin revised her theory. That had probably been the neural jack, not the paralytic wearing off. If they thought that pain would be enough to stop her, they would be quite unpleasantly surprised.

“Chopper, you help Brook get his jaw back on. Robin, come over here and tell us about your universe.” she scooted sideways and patted the couch cushions next to her, setting her cards face down on the table.

“How do you know my name, Miss Wednesday?” Robin asked, not moving from her spot. The stiffness was mostly gone from her limbs, but it had been replaced by pins and needles as sensation returned.

“Miss- oh.” Miss Wednesday’s expression changed to one of surprise. “What’s today’s date?”

“October third.” she replied automatically.

“And the year?”

“Fifteen thirty six.”

“The hell?” th green-haired inhuman muttered. The one with horns seemed just as baffled, but said nothing. Miss Wednesday and the robot in the armchair simply nodded, as if that explained everything.

“You haven’t met Luffy yet.” she said, and the pair of inhumans made soft sounds of understanding.

“Luffy?” Robin frowned. As the second in command of a bounty hunting organization it was quite literally her business to know people’s bounties. She’d never heard of this Luffy person.

“He’s our captain.” Miss Wednesday gestured at herself and the others. “And he’ll be yours too, in a few years. Just like Saul promised.” she smiled, and Robin had the summoning spell completed in a heartbeat. The saber-toothed grizzly towered over Miss Wednesday, even on all fours, and while she shrank back against the couch the green-haired inhuman smiled.

“Saul?” Robin asked, taking a measured step forwards. “How do you know-” sensation returned fully to her limbs in a burst of agony, and then it didn’t stop. Robin clenched her teeth around a scream, her summon vanishing, and the second the beast was gone the pain stopped. She fell to her knees, taking deep gasping breaths, and over her own pulse pounding in her ears she could vaguely hear people scrambling and yelling.

“Robin!” tough, calloused fingers landed on her cheeks, pulling her head up to look into a heavily scarred face. “Robin, are you okay?”

“Yes.” Robin lifted an arm to bat Miss Wednesday’s hands away, but the princess didn’t back away or sneer or show any sort of reaction which would be expected of someone facing down one of the people actively destroying their country. Instead she smiled, and huffed out a quiet laugh.

“I’m so glad.” she sat back on her heels, arms resting across her knees. “I’d hate to lose you so soon after seeing you again.”

“What?” Robin frowned. Had the lightning strike that disfigured Miss Wednesday’s face fried her brain as well?

“Aww.” the grey-skinned inhuman cooed. “You two are so pale it’s almost disgusting.”

“You’re a sap and you love it.” the robot replied without missing a beat.

“Yeah.” the horned one grinned. “But seriously, any paler and you two would need to get a freaking pile.”

“Fixed Brook!” Chopper announced, trotting over.

“You have quite a grip, miss Robin.” Brook said, rubbing at the hinge of his jaw as he followed behind the tiny tanuki. “Do you perhaps have training in unarmed combat?”

“Questions later, Bonehead.” the green-haired inhuman chastised. The skeleton laughed, a distinctive yohoho sound that Robin was sure she’d be hard pressed to forget, and hopped over the smaller couch with a flutter of his wing bones. They were bound, Robin realized. The chains were more than just decoration, they were restraints too. Probably because there was nowhere to implant a neural jack on a skeleton.

“C’mon.” Miss Wednesday smiled, standing and offering a hand to Robin. “We can introduce ourselves, and you can tell us about your universe. And then we can tell you about ours.”

“Your... universe.” Robin said slowly, standing without taking Miss Wednesday’s hand. The girl looked a little bit hurt, but her face smoothed out quickly enough.

“Yep.” the robot nodded. “People in Brook’s have got wings, in mine the whole crew is made of girls, and in theirs we’re all space aliens.” it gestured at the horned and green-haired inhumans.

“Space aliens.”Robin repeated flatly.

“That’s redundant.” the green-haired alien rolled its eyes. “And anyways, we’re not _all_ from different planets. There’s not enough developed planets in the Federation to crew a Constitution-class ship with only one person from each of them.” it frowned, then inclined its head briefly towards the robot. “You’re Ettian, I'm half the same half Klingon. Vivi’s full Ettian too, but she’s not part of the crew”

“Come on, Robin. You can sit down. None of us are gonna stab you in the back.”

Of course, that was precisely the kind of thing someone about to stab her in the back was liable to say, so Robin didn’t put terribly much stock in the horned inhuman’s words. She carefully sat herself on the edge of the cushions of an armchair, and looked expectantly at Miss Wednesday. Despite being significantly younger than at least two of the inhumans, it looked like she was the one in charge. Robin had a few questions about how that had happened, but for now, they wanted to know about her universe.

“What is it about my universe that you want to know?” she asked, eyes flicking from person to person. If information was what they needed, she could quite easily make herself indispensable.

“Do you have sehlat on your home planet?” the green-haired one asked.

“Excuse me?” she frowned.

“The thing you made an illusion of, it was a sehlat.” he explained, gesturing at the spot where her summon had stood. “They’re endemic to my Robin’s home planet.”

“I’ve been calling it a saber-toothed grizzly, honestly.” Robin shrugged.

“Guys, we haven’t introduced ourselves yet.” the horned alien scolded. “I’m Sanjie.” it gave her a quick little bow. “At your service.”

“And every other pretty girl you lay eyes on.” the robot rolled its eyes. “I’m Franny.”

“Commander Z’oro Roronoa.” the green-haired alien said. Interesting, so it was part of an organisation with ranks, but not the Marines. Perhaps a more local sort of law enforcement?

“I’m Chopper.” the tanuki said brightly.

“Brook.” The skeleton said a moment later, after Roronoa dug an elbow into its ribs.

“And you already know me.” Miss Wednesday smiled, far more kindly than Robin could make sense of. “But you can call me Vivi if you want. I haven’t gone by Miss Wednesday in years.”

“Of course, Miss Princess.” Robin inclined her head slightly, and kept her face carefully blank as Miss Wednesday blushed and spluttered about not being a princess anymore. This group was strange, perhaps the strangest she’d ever seen, but she would adapt as she always did. She would return to Alabasta, to her search for the poneglyph hidden there, no matter what the cost.


	20. Chapter 20

“So, how did you make that sehlat illusion anyways?” Roronoa asked.

“Illusion?” Robin frowned. “No, that was a summon.” she lifted her hand to make the gestures which accompanied that particular spell again, but paused before she recited the words. Another jolt from the neural jack was the opposite of what she wanted right now. Better to summon something small and harmless. She made the gestures for the summoner’s tester spell, and a grey mouse dropped into her waiting palm with a squeak.

“Whoa!” several of her fellow captives gasped, leaning forwards.

“That’s magic.” Brook said after a long second of silence. “You’re a witch.” he looked from the mouse to her face, and Robin drew a measured inhale.

“I prefer summoner.” she smiled, showing just a few too many teeth to be polite or casual.

“That’s incredible.” Sanjie breathed, giving her a look of undisguised awe. “I’ve heard of communing with beasts, but never conjuring them.”

“Oh, I can’t do either of those.” Robin waved her hand, dispelling the summon. “I’m a summoner, not a conjuration or animal affinity. I can only bring things to this plane which are alive on another one.”

“That’s **super** cool!” Franny exclaimed with a wide smile. “So those things were, like, ghosts?”

“Ghosts?!” Brook exclaimed, pressing its hands to its cheeks.

“Felt pretty real for a ghost.” Miss Wednesday shivered.

“Not quite ghosts.” Robin smiled despite herself. So few people in her daily life were interested in the technicalities of any magic which wasn’t their own. “It’s more the _idea_ of an animal, when you summon something from our own world. That’s why I can do this.” she recited the tester spell again, and made the motions, and summoned a mouse the size of a large lap-cat.

“You said something different that time.” Roronoa frowned. “And the motion wasn’t the same either.”

“You’re quite right, Commander.” Robin dismissed the summon again. “I added a modifier for its size. I could also modify its colour, temperament, and any number of other factors with the right words.”

“So cool.” Chopper breathed, eyes sparkling.

“You said animals from our own world.” Miss Wednesday frowned. “Does that mean you can summon things from other worlds as well?”

“Absolutely, Miss Princess, but those spells take quite a lot of energy and preparation to cast. And sometimes, the summoned beast is simply incompatible with our world.” she frowned, recalling the wispy bodies of void-beasts crushed by the air pressure of a normal room.

“Question.” Sanjie frowned. “Is living restricted to animals, or can you summon plants as well?”

Oh, she liked this one. “Only ones with some degree of intelligence.” she replied. “For the most part, plants are left to mages with an affinity for nature spells.”

“That sounds like it would be really useful.” Miss Wednesday mused. “I’m guessing that magic can make plants grow?”

“That and more.” Robin nodded.

“Incredible.” Brook said, fleshless skull somehow managing to project a smile. “Is there anything magic can’t do?”

“Raise the dead.” Robin said, the reply coming automatically. “A body can be returned to life, but once the soul is gone it cannot be retrieved.” she paused, and tilted her head slightly. “Thought I suppose you could theoretically move somebody’s soul into a new vessel, but that’s less reviving the dead and more like a fool’s bid at immortality.”

For a second there was pin-drop silence, than Franny burst out in loud, raucous uhahaha laughter. “Yup, that’s our Robin alright!”

Miss Wednesday, Chopper, and Roronoa joined in the laughter, and Robin exchanged a look of confusion with Sanjie and Brook. At least she wasn’t the only one baffled by this inexplicable behaviour.

\---

“So, this is the bedroom.” Miss Wednesday said, waving her hand over a small discoloured patch on the wall and opening a doorway. The room beyond had five beds, each with a dresser against the opposite wall. One of the beds was badly bowed, presumably where the robot laid when it shut off for the night, and one of the other dressers had a battered hat resting on top of it. “That’s Franny’s bed.” she pointed to the warped bed frame with its heavily indented mattress. “And that one’s mine.” she indicated the bed opposite the dresser with the hat on top. “You can take any of the others.”

Robin picked up one of the pillows from the bed nearest the door, and turned it so it sat up against the headboard. “This one will do.” she said, crossing to the dresser opposite and pulling on the first set of handles. The drawers were filled with clothes, nondescript and of a fabric that felt strange between her fingers. She’d stick to the clothes on her back, like the others were apparently doing. “Where do you and the others wash your clothes?” she asked, not turning towards where Miss Wednesday had perched herself on the end of her bed.

“In the bathroom.” she replied. “It’s a bit tricky to get grime out, but it’s not like we’re getting in down-and-out brawls every day. Sanji keeps trying to make Zoro fight him, but that’s not going to happen.” she chuckled, then sighed. “And you haven’t met them yet, in your own timeline.”

“Timeline?” Robin frowned. “I thought we were from different universes.”

“It’s sort of like our timelines diverged a long, long time ago.” Miss Wednesday said slowly. “Like, in your timeline people developed magic with words, but in Chopper’s they developed elemental magic with whole-body motions.”

“Hmm.” Robin pursed her lips. That was quite an interesting way of looking at it, though she had the feeling it was more than slightly inaccurate. “My own world has elemental magic as well. It is considered a highly desirable affinity.”

“I can see why.” Miss Wednesday mused. “I would love to be able to control water, or stone.”

“Or sand?” Robin turned, and Miss Wednesday shrugged.

“I’ve seen Crocodile defeated twice, without the aid of magic. And anyways, does his body even count for magic?”

“I’m not certain.” Robin admitted after a moment. “It likely has to do with the willpower of the logia, and the willpower of the caster.”

“That sounds reasonable.” Robin saw Miss Wednesday nodding out of the corner of her eye.

“I may have to look into that now, when I return to my own world.” she said, closing the lowest drawer of the dresser.

“Maybe we can ask Chopper if his world’s magic affects logias.” Miss Wednesday suggested with a grin.

“Tell me.” Robin frowned,turning around to fully face the Alabastan princess. “All of you captured here, you don’t know each other. Why do you act so casually with these strangers who only look like people you know?”

“Well, they’re not that different from my friends.” Miss Wednesday said, a thoughtful look on her face. “And all of us love Luffy. He’s the one constant. In every universe, he’s our captain.” she opened her mouth, then shut it again as a melancholy expression crossed her face.

“Well, he isn’t mine.” Robin said, turning towards the door.

“But he will be.” Miss Wednesday said with a surprising amount of conviction. “In every timeline, even Zoro’s where we’re all space Marines, he’s our captain.” she gave a wry smile, as if she’d thought of a joke only she understood, and rose gracefully from the bed. “Now come on. You get to try Sanji’s food for the first time.” she beamed, and Robin held in a sigh. Times like this she wished she was a Seer. Then she could know exactly how long she’d be stuck with these weirdos.


	21. Chapter 21

Nami covered a yawn with one hand, then sighed heavily as she let her shoulders slump. Her head hurt, and after spending half the day hearing grievances from citizens she was almost looking forward to handling the trade route redefinitions with Jaya tomorrow. But more than that, she was looking forward to having dinner. She’d barely had time for lunch, between seeing the secretary of the treasury about scheduling a meeting and changing into a dress suitable for talking with her subjects. Her stomach growled, and she reached up to unpin her hair from the braids Vivi had put in that morning. It eased her headache some, but she knew that some medicine and a good night’s sleep would be the only things to get rid of it entirely.

Food, then bed. The palace chefs weren’t as good as Sanji, or even Zeff, but they were incredible nonetheless. Her feet carried her automatically through the dimly lit corridors, and she clipped the pins she pulled from her hair to the hem of the hidden slit along her thigh which allowed access to her climatact holster. Sometimes she missed the simplicity of being a pirate. Openly carrying her weapon at all times, dressing however she wanted to, no schedules to keep to save taking turns on watch and whatever she made for herself. But then, being queen-consort had some privileges too. Like waking up next to her wife every morning, and being a literal queen, and not worrying about a Marine attack potentially ruining her outfit.

Nami hummed contentedly, closing her eyes as she shook her hair out and raked her fingers over her scalp, mindful of her circlet. Oh, that felt much better. The braids and curls were gorgeous, and she did love sitting on the edge of the bed while the most beautiful woman in Alabasta worked them into her hair, but after a whole day they started to kinda hurt. She turned the second last corner to the small, private dining room and slowed to a stop after three steps as a chill settled on her skin. The desert got cold at night, yes, but the heart of the castle was only cool during winter. It wasn’t even close to winter.

She opened her eyes, and her hand flashed down to her thigh only to meet an empty holster. Fuck, had she taken it out? Right, to break up a fight long enough to make the men involved listen to her resolution. And then she’d left it next to her for easier access. “Chaka!” she yelled, quickly backing away from the heavily armed and armoured soldiers. He should be in the dining room with Vivi, and his hearing was still as sharp as her wife’s peacock slashers so- her shoulders hit a wall, and Nami’s heart leapt into her throat. What kind of devil fruit had these people used to bring her here?

For that matter, _why_ had they brought her here? What did they want? She didn’t recognize the insignia on their vests, which ruled out official agents of any other nation in the first half of the Grand Line, but they could still be an off-book organization or one of the anti-monarchical groups she’d been hearing rumours of lately. Whatever kind of group they were, they evidently weren’t being led by anyone with a brain if they’d chosen to kidnap _her_.

“This will be easier for you if you don’t put up a fight.”

“Maybe.” Nami grinned, coating her arms with pale pink haki. “But it wouldn’t be nearly as fun.”

\---

Okay, maybe trying to take on a full dozen armed guards barehanded had been a bad plan. Nami groaned, head throbbing as she regained consciousness. Sparring with Vivi kept them both sharp enough to fend off disgruntled citizens, common criminals, and the odd would-be assassin, but she’d never been good at unarmed combat even one on one. Honestly, she was kinda glad Chaka hadn’t come running to help her. Losing like that was embarrassing enough without an audience. But at least she’d punched out a few before going down.

“Ah, so you’re awake.”

Namie pushed herself up, and glared at the inhuman thing sitting across from her. It didn’t look like any of the many species she’d seen in her time on the sea, but it was too similar to the mooks she’d taken down to be a devil fruit. Chopper would probably love a chance to talk to one of their doctors. “Look, buster.” she sat back and crossed her arms, narrowing her eyes at him. “I don’t think you know who you’re missing with.”

“Nefertari Nami, age thirty five, Queen Consort of Alabasta.” he read off of something that looked like a clipboard. “I could list your blood type, birth date, and a rough outline of your history as well if you like.” the offer was flat, but Nami didn’t doubt that he knew those things. She was still more than a little notorious, after all. Being nakama of the Pirate King tended to do that.

“Okay, so you’re not ignorant, just stupid.” Nami made herself as comfortable as she could be in the hard metal chair. “If you know who I am, then you know who cares about me. My captain is the Pirate King. The World’s Greatest Swordsman, God of the Snipers, and Demon Prince are all my nakama. And my _wife_ , in addition to being the queen of a country with a significant presence in world politics and a very well trained army, is a _damn good assassin_.” she grinned and leaned forward on the last few words, making herself as menacing as she could without uncrossing her arms or legs.

The man on the other side of the table didn’t seem particularly impressed. He lifted a hand to rub absently at the discoloured patch of skin which, she realized with a stab of icy fear, was in the distinct shape of a shoeprint. What had they threatened Sanji with that he wouldn’t just kick the head off of someone who kidnapped him? Or was this guy stronger than the mooks she’d taken down in the other room. Anyone strong enough to tank one of Sanji’s kicks wasn’t an enemy she could beat head on. She’d have to borrow some of Vivi’s moves if she wanted to take this one down.

Disable this guy, find Sanji and any other members of her nakama who were being held captive here, blast out and call home to let Vivi know she was okay before hunting down the treasure room. Shouldn’t be too hard, once she got the man across from her to let its guard down. And if there was one thing she was good at, it was distracting men.

“Are you quite finished?” he asked.

Nami deflated as she leaned back, uncrossing her limbs and folding her hands primly in her lap. “Well, if you’re not scared of them I suppose there’s nothing I can do.” she said, affecting a tone of defeat and slumping her shoulders so her dress slid to reveal a long stretch of bare skin.

“Good.” he tapped his clipboard thing and set it down on the table. “As curator, it is my responsibility to tell you that as of setting foot on these premises you are now part of my employer’s latest collection.”

_Collection_?! Nami sat up straighter, gritting her teeth against a veritable tsunami of insults. She’d have to fight Sanji on which one of them would get to kill this bastard’s boss, status be damned. As long as it couldn’t be traced back to them, they’d be fine. Or, well, she’d be fine. The marines knew better than to go after anybody onboard the Thousand Sunny. Which raised again the question of how and why Sanji was here, but more importantly the man across the table was still talking. She needed as much information as possible if she was going to break the hell out of here.

“Now, the guards outside were equipped to defend themselves against the more dangerous pieces of my employer’s collections, but punishment for any further misbehaviour will be meted out through the neural jack implanted in your neck.” the curator said, raising a hand and tapping the back of his own neck. Nami mimicked the motion, and felt a sore spot right at the nape directly over her spine. Well, at least she knew Torao’s denden number. He’d bitch about having to come all the way to Alabasta, but he would love the chance to examine whatever this neural jack thing was.

“And what counts as misbehaviour?” she asked, feeling around for the insertion point as she rubbed the ache.

“Intentional damage to my employer’s property and employees.” the curator said curtly. “Failure to comply will also result in punishment.”

Nami gritted her teeth, and reminded herself that she couldn’t call Vivi to tell her wife she was fine if she got knocked out doing something stupid. No matter how tempting that stupid thing may be. “Is that all?” she asked, unable to keep the venom out of her tone.

“Yes.” the curator said with a bob of his head. “More appropriate clothing will be provided for you to change into.”

“Excuse me?” Nami stood, reflexively reaching for her climatact before remembering she didn’t have it on hand.

“More appropriate.” the curator repeated himself. “Your current attire is-”

Nami lunged across the table, her knuckles connecting with the curator’s jaw. “The _hell_ this is inappropriate!” pain immediately sparked through her whole body, burning in her bones and making her scars ache. Okay, she’d only meant to hit him once for the insult, but now this was a fight. She drew back for another punch, and as her knuckles collided with the curator’s nose the pain worsened. Still, she’d survived worse. She’d _fought_ through worse.

The pain intensified with each punch, and before she’d even hit the curator ten times a scream ripped its way out of her chest. She couldn’t think, could hardly breathe, her entire body felt like it was on fire and when hands wrapped around her arms just above the elbow she wasn’t sure if she screamed or not. Something struck the back of her legs, and she collapsed.

Everything hurt. The hands around her arms, the pull on her shoulders as she was dragged into a hallway, the slide of fabric and hard flooring against her skin. Even breathing was agonizing, each gasp of air feeling like boiling acid in her throat and lungs. She struggled, but it was a weak effort. Every voluntary movement felt like her bones were splintering, like she was being torn apart from the inside out, and it took everything she had not to flinch as she curled one of her hands into a fist.

She focused on the feeling of her nails biting into her palm, a sensation more akin to peircing knives than anything else, and tried to block out everything else. The unintelligible rumble of her captors speaking to each other, the white-grey blur of the hallway passing by, the pulsing pain of her entire being, she pushed it all to the back of her mind. If this was how these people punished disobedience, she would have to be able to run and fight in this state to get out of here. She could do this. She’d fought her way through Raftel and Marineford, she could fight her way through this place too.


	22. Chapter 22

The tide of pain was finally starting to ebb when the guards stopped and turned to face a stretch of wall which looked just like all the rest. One of the guards waved his hand over the wall, and a door suddenly appeared. Someone yelled, and Nami got the feeling that they were yelling her name. A shove sent her tumbling forwards and someone screamed in unmistakable rage. The rage turned into pain quickly, though, and a dark shape hit the floor in her peripheral vision. Probably Sanji, but something about his yelling had sounded off. She didn’t have much time to wonder about that though. Hands pressed against her shoulders, turning her over, and she squeezed her eyes shut as a groan of pain clawed its way out of her sore throat.

“What’s wrong with them?” a deep voice asked from off to her side.

“I don’t know.” a higher voice replied, just as familiar as the first. “It must be the neural jack.”

Zoro swore, and Nami forced her eyes open. Her vision was blurry, little more than colours and rough shapes, but she would’ve known the woman cradling her even in her sleep. “Hey, sweetie.” she whispered, lifting an arm and caressing her cheek. She slid her fingers into Vivi’s hair, and pulled her wife down for a kiss. The pain was fading quickly now, nothing but a dull ache where their lips pressed against each other, and she suffered worse than that every damn month.

After a long second or two, though, she realized that Vivi wasn’t kissing her back. Nami let her hand slide back to her wife’s cheek as Vivi pulled away, and opened her eyes to see what was wrong. Vivi’s eyes were wide, startled, her deeply tanned cheeks dark with blush. What jumped out at Nami most, though, was the lightning scar which marred her wife’s otherwise smooth face. It looked old. Not as old as the similar marks on Nami’s forearms, but certainly not something she’d gotten just today. Her haircut didn’t look fresh either, the beautiful blue locks Nami brushed out for her every night cut brutally short.

“You’re not Vivi.” she said, pulling her hand back towards her chest. This woman, whoever she was, looked so much like her wife it was frankly uncanny. But now that she could feel more than just pain Nami was noticing the slight differences. Beyond the scar and the hair, this woman was too young. At least ten years younger than her wife. She was stronger, too, sailors callouses on her hands and scars decorating her skin.

“Nammie-swan, are you okay?”

“Well, Curly’s fine.”

Nami turned, and her eyes widened. The dark-suited figure which had flown at the guards and crumbled to the floor earlier wasn’t Sanji as she’d thought. It was something which only vaguely resembled a human, with grey skin and golden eyes and finned ears which came to familiar curls at the tips. A Vinsmoke of some sort, probably related to Reiju if the colour scheme was anything to go by. Behind it was another familiar face, but again not the one she knew. He looked like Zoro, with his slicked back green hair and scarred eye, but there was still an eye looking out from the scarred socket. And besides that, his forehead looked like someone had taken a furrowed brow and pronounced it to the point of idiocy.

“Who- _what_ are you?” she asked, scrambling to her feet and backing up towards the wall which had become solid again since she was pushed through it. Oh, how she wished she had her climatact right now. The Zoro look-alike had his swords, and she couldn’t take on a grown swordsman unarmed.

“Oh, yay, more explanations!” a female cyborg who looked unnervingly like Franky exclaimed with transparently fake enthusiasm.

“I’ll do it.” Not-Vivi said, rising to her feet with all the grace of an assassin princess. She met Nami’s eyes, and her gaze was disarmingly familiar. “There’s no easy way to put this.” she said, her voice steady and so achingly familiar it was disorienting. “You’re not in your own universe anymore.”

“What?” Nami frowned.

“None of us are.” Not-Vivi gestured to herself and the rest of the people who looked so much like her nakama. “Zoro and Sanji come from universes where the Sunny is a spaceship and none of us are human.” she gestured at the grey inhuman with curly horns and the green-haired one who looked like Zoro with two eyes and a fucked up forehead.

“Merrie.” the apparently-Sanji said, pushing out of Not-Zoro’s arms. “Our ship’s the Merrie.”

“And the Nami I know actually is a human.” Not-Zoro volunteered. “Only one in our group, though.”

“Whatever.” Not-Vivi waved her hand dismissively. “They’re aliens, and the rest of us are from timelines where something changed along the way.”

Nami looked again at the people who so closely resembled her nakama. The Robin look-alike was wearing the purple outfit they’d met her in, hat and all, and no lightning scars marred her striking face. The Chopper one had darker fur, and his old pink hat. The skeleton who couldn’t be anyone but Brook looked, well, as dead as ever but there were strange bones sticking up over his shoulders from behind his back. Nami’s eyes travelled back to Not-Vivi, and she took in every difference again. The short hair, the massive scar, the lean muscles showed off by an outfit which would looked appropriate for a pirate ship than a palace.

“I _am_ Vivi.” the girl said, pulling a familiar weapon from a pocket sewn into her skirt and spinning it around her finger with ease. “Formerly Miss Wednesday and the Princess of Alabasta. But I’m not _your_ Vivi.” her face fell slightly at that, and she let her peacock slasher wrap around her fingers in a tight coil before pocketing it again. “We’re working on a way home, though. Back to our own universes, our own friends. We’ll get you to your Vivi.”

“What happened to yours?” she asked, lowering her fists.

Vivi blinked, confusion written clearly across her face. “To my universe?”

“Your Nami.” Nami said, hand drifting towards her climatact before she remembered she didn’t have it.

“Oh, nothing.” Vivi laughed, waving her hands. “We’re crewmates, she’s just-” her smile went tight in a way Nami would’ve missed on anyone else. “It’s complicated.”

“C’mon.” Zoro put a hand on her shoulder, and Nami let him lead her towards the sitting area. “You must’ve put up a hell of a fight if they turned your neural jack up so high you couldn’t walk.”

“Would’ve put up a better one with my climatact.” she muttered bitterly, brushing the hairpin-laden slit that normally let her reach her concealed weapon.

“Your weapon of choice, I presume?” Robin asked. The look in her eyes was familiar, but Nami wasn’t used to having it directed at her. Usually that look was reserved for poneglyphs and particularly difficult enemies who couldn’t be beaten just by pointing Luffy at them. Just how young was this Robin?

“Yeah.” Nami nodded slowly, taking a seat on the couch next to the girl-Franky. “I forgot it in the throne room on my way to dinner.”

“Throne room?” several of her nakama blurted as one.

“Dinner?” Sanji asked, eyes widening.

“Um, yes?” Nami smiled awkwardly.

“I’ll whip something up right away.” Sanji blurted, and vaulted over the back of one of the armchairs towards what looked like a restaurant-quality kitchen.

“What country are you queen of?” Brook asked, leaning forwards with sparkles in his eyes. Or, well, eye sockets.

“Alabasta.” Nami rolled her eyes. “Where else, if Vivi’s my wife?”

“Oh, I hadn’t thought about that.” Brook said, tilting his head slightly. “Ah, I almost forgot!” he rose to his feet with a twirl, and gave her an exaggerated bow. “May I see your royal panties?”

“No.” she said flatly, giving him her best deadpan stare. “Ten thousand beri.”

“Huh?”

“Added to your debt.” girl-Franky laughed. “You know he ain’t got the cash to pay you back, right?”

“It’s the principle of the thing.” Nami shrugged, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

“Here you go, Nammie-swaa~n.” Sanji half sang, leaning over the back of the couch and presenting her with a beautifully plated panini. Had it been any other cook Nami would’ve wondered how he made it so fast, but she’d long since stopped questioning anything Sanji did in the kitchen.

“Thank you, Sanji.” she grinned, taking the plate. “It smells delicious.”

Sanji did his usual stupid happy noodle dance, and Nami noted that he wore his bangs on the left. She’d gotten precisely two bites into the panini, which tasted as good as it looked, before she finally realized what was off. Sanji didn’t smell like smoke. Sure, the Sanji she knew didn’t smoke anymore either, but he hadn’t quit until after the incident on Soreth. “You don’t smoke.” she observed, taking another bite of her food.

“Well, he’s only nine.” Zoro said with a grin.

“Shut up, moss pan.” Sanji snapped at him, lashing out with a kick. Zoro leaned aside, easily dodging, and girl-Franky put one massive metal hand on Sanji’s shoulder.

“Bro, chill.”

“Anything for you, Franny dear.” he trilled. Franny chuckled and leaned back, getting comfortable.

“Nami-sis makes a good point though. Why don’t you smoke?”

Sanji shrugged, taking a seat near Chopper. “Tried it once, didn’t like it.”

Nami looked around at the alternate versions of her nakama again, taking in their appearances. They were all from different points in their own universes, if she wasn’t mistaken. Chopper still had his original hat, so he hadn’t reached Fishman Island yet. Robin didn’t know her weapon, and Brook didn’t know what she meant when she added to his debt, so that meant neither of them had met her yet. Vivi, Franny, and Zoro, though... “I’ve got a question for you three.” she gestured to the trio she meant. “Who’s the last bad guy Luffy punched?”

Franny burst into laughter, and Zoro grinned while Vivi frowned contemplatively. “Blackbeard.” she said as Franny’s laughter died down. “At the Reverie.”

“Huh.” Nami took another bite of her sandwich, and swallowed quickly. She didn’t remember that happening, but Vivi’s universe was apparently different enough that she’d taken Nami’s profession rather than the other way around, so that didn’t mean much. “What about you, Franny?”

“Caesar Clown.” the cyborg grinned. Nami nodded, and turned to Zoro, who shrugged.

“Probably someone on the latest planet we’ve hit.”

Nami rolled her eyes. Of _course_ Zoro wouldn’t know, he was always busy with his own battles when Luffy took down the latest idiot who though challenging the Pirate King was a good idea. “Okay, let me rephrase that.” she said. “How long ago did we beat up Kaidou?”

“Kaidou?” Chopper, Robin, and Franny exclaimed.

“Oh, that was ages ago.” Zoro waved his hand dismissively. “Captain Trafalgar still contacts us for aid a few times a year, though.”

“I’m not surprised.” Nami grinned, finishing off her meal and leaning forwards, angling her body towards Zoro. “So, how’s our little firecracker doing?”

“Our what?” Zoro frowned.

“You know, your daughter?” Nami raised an eyebrow, and half the room seemed to erupt in yells of confusion.

“Wait, do you mean you’ve somehow managed to live long enough to meet your own descendant?” Sanji asked.

Nami, and just about everyone else in the room, turned to stare at Sanji.

“What? It’s a valid question.” he huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“ _Our_ daughter?” Zoro halfway squeaked. “What the _shit_ Nami. We’re both married but not to each other!”

Nami had to muffle a laugh in her fist. “No, no.” she shook her head with a smile. “Not ours like yours and mine, ours like the whole crew’s.”

“But you said-” Zoro’s eyes narrowed, the flustered blush fading from his cheeks.

“We all helped raised her, but she’s yours and Sanji’s first.” Nami giggled, muffling it in her hand again. It’d have to be one hell of a crazy universe for her and Zoro to end up together, let alone have a _kid_. She liked her current figure, and adoption was far less painful to boot.

“Oh.” Zoro looked aside, and ran a hand over the sheath of his white sword. “My Sanji and I haven’t talked about it, yet, but-”

“ _Your_ Sanji?” the grey-skinned Sanji yelped, ears flaring out from the sides of his head.

“Yeah.” Zoro nodded. “My husband.”

Chopper and Vivi’s eyes fairly bugged out, and Robin made a small sound of understanding. “That’s why you’ve been rejecting his violent overtures.” she said. “You’re worried you would hurt him, fighting the way you do against your spouse.”

Every eye turned to Robin, Vivi and Franny with similar smiles while Zoro and Sanji wore near-identical expressions of surprise. Zoro’s quickly became a fond grin similar to Vivi’s, though. “Even as a human, huh.” he shook his head, a slight chuckle escaping him.

“What, do you think I can’t handle a fair fight?” Sanji spat, now on his feet and wearing different shoes than he had been a moment ago. His current pair were decorated with what looked like splashes of rainbow paint, cracked slightly where the leather of his shoes creased around the base of the toes and conspicuously absent from the soles and bright red laces but otherwise omnipresent.

“I _think_ you’re a child who doesn’t know his own limits yet.” Zoro narrowed his eyes. “If I fought you, not even taking away my swords would make it fair.”

Sanji snarled, and Robin bloomed arms to pull him back down into his seat. “That’s enough of that.” she said coolly. “Commander Roronoa, you were saying something before Mr. Cook interrupted you?”

Zoro looked away again, cheeks going slightly more pink. “It’s not important.” he muttered, and Franny grinned wickedly.

“Are you sure? You’re blushing~” she reached over and poked Zoro in the cheek with one large metal finger.

“Shut up.” Zoro swatted her hand away.

“I’m interested too.” Nami said with a small smirk. “And I can always add a few million beri to your debt if you won’t tell.”

Zoro muttered something about her being a witch, and Nami’s grin widened. “We haven’t talked about it yet, but that’s because we’re both on active duty. Sunny’s great, but it’s no place to raise a kid.”

“Bullshit.” Nami scoffed. “She grew up on the Sunny already and turned out just fine. Became the World’s Greatest Swordsman and everything.”

“Greatest Swordsman?” Zoro asked with a small smile, eyebrows lifting on his strangely ridged forehead for a second before lowering again in confusion as his lips pulled down into a frown. “Wait, I thought you were a queen. Why were you on the Sunny enough to help raise a kid?”

Nami chuckled. “Well, I wasn’t always a queen.”

“Obviously.” Robin said drily.

“I was a pirate first.”

“Gods _dammit_!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Robin with lightning scars on her face is a hc I picked up from [Trell’s](http://archiveofourown.org/users/qunlat/pseuds/trell) fic [permenance](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1703171) and haven’t been able to shake ever since.


	23. Chapter 23

Once everyone had stopped laughing at Zoro’s outburst, Vivi stood and offered Nami a hand. “Come on, I’ll show you where you can clean up.”

Nami looked down at her dress, and grimaced at the state of it. Anybody looking would be able to tell she’d been in a battle. At least the fabric was easy to wash, though. She didn’t have to do her own laundry anymore, perks of being royalty, but she knew materials and this one was low maintenance. “Thanks.” she smiled, setting her plate aside and letting Vivi pull her to her feet. She pulled her hand away as soon as she was upright, though, and longing flickered across Vivi’s scarred face. It was barely there for a heartbeat, there and gone so fast Nami wouldn’t even have noticed it a few years ago, but she knew every one of her wife’s expressions by now.

She almost reached out, but stopped herself and simply dusted her skirt off instead as she followed Vivi to the wall opposite the one she’d entered through. This wasn’t her wife. This was a Vivi with her own Nami, whose life had evidently been drastically different from the life of the woman she married. This woman was Vivi, yes, but not _her_ Vivi. To comfort her, kiss her, hold her close, that was another Nami’s place. Not hers.

“This is the girls’ room.” Vivi said, waving her hand over a discoloured spot on the wall. A doorway appeared, and Nami ran a hand along the edge of it as they passed into the adjacent room. It felt cool to the touch, smooth like finely polished stone. When the wall reappeared behind her she reached out to touch it, and that felt just as real, just as solid. “I’m surprised Franny hasn’t taken this place apart yet to find out how it works.” she mused, waving her hand over a mark near where the doorway had been. It opened back up, and remained open for about the same length of time as before.

“Believe me, she’s tried.” Vivi chuckled. “We can’t find a single seam for her to py open, though.”

“Can’t Zoro just make one?” Nami frowned, turning away from the doorway. “He became the World’s Greatest Swordsman, he can cut damn near anything.”

“No.” Vivi shook her head. “At first we thought the walls were made of something like seastone, but Brook got a broken bone sparring with him the other day and Chopper said it looked like blunt force instead of a cut.”

“They blunted his swords?” Nami gasped. The Zoro she knew would sooner slit someone’s throat than let them mess with his weapons like that.

“That’s the weird thing.” Vivi turned around to look at her. “They feel sharp when you touch them, but when he swings they act like they’re blunt.”

“Devious.” Nami muttered, pursing her lips. She had no clue how these people were doing what they were doing, but she’d love to find out. Usopp Franky and Robin, at the very least, would love to pick this place apart and find the things that made it tick.

“Yeah.” Vivi nodded in assent. “Anyway, bathroom’s in here.” she waved a hand over the wall between two dressers, and when she stepped into the opening Nami’s breath caught in her throat. That was Luffy’s hat. That was Luffy’s hat, but Luffy wasn’t here, which meant that one of the others must have brought it with them. It couldn’t’ve been Robin, she hadn’t even met Luffy yet. Franky had never worn the hat, and somehow Nami doubted that Franny was any different. That left only...

“Vivi.” she said softly, stepping forwards until she could pick up the battered dome of woven straw. Her fingers ran over the stitches on the crown, almost as clumsy as the ones that had bound Zoro’s chest back together after he fought Mihawk. She’d put that thread in herself, before she knew how great a treasure it truly was. Before she had even the faintest inkling of how much she would come to owe the man who wore it.

“Yea- oh.” quiet footsteps approached, and a hand rested on her arm. “I’m only holding it temporarily.” Vivi said, her tone one of reassurance. “Just until we get him back.”

“Back from where? From who?” Nami asked, hands tightening on the brim.

“It’s a long story.” Vivi sighed, gently lifting the hat from Nami’s hands and setting it back on the dresser with something like reverence. “But the short version is, Blackbeard went back in time and changed things. He tried to stop Luffy from becoming the Pirate King.” a smile flickered across her face, and Nami startled slightly inside as she realized she didn’t know that smile. It was too vicious, laced with the sort of grim determination which came over Luffy’s face every time he came up against an enemy who’d been dumb enough to hurt or capture someone he cared about. “But he didn’t count on me coming back with him.”

“Wait, back in time?” Nami’s brow furrowed.

“Like I said.” Vivi chuckled, dry and humourless. “It’s a long story.” she waved her hand over the wall again, re-opening the doorway to the bathroom. “After you.” she gestured, and Nami stepped through into a room with walls just as white as the other two. The floor here was tile, though, and over the triple sink vanity a long mirror stretched. God, her makeup was a mess.

“A little weird, but it works.” Vivi shrugged, coming up to stand at her side. “There’s showers, a bath, I’m pretty sure Franny mentioned a jacuzzi feature but Robin and I can’t find it so...” she trailed off, and Nami looked at the amenities. Everything was either sterile white, shiny chrome, or uncoloured glass of some variety. It wasn’t hideous, but something about it was off-putting nonetheless.

“It’s so lifeless.” she said softly.

“Yeah.” Vivi sighed.

“So.” Nami walked over to the sinks and started pulling the hair pins from where she’d stuck them on her dress, laying them out on the cold white counter. “Obviously Franny and Zoro can’t blast us out or you guys wouldn’t still be here. Any other plans you’re working on?”

“One second.” Vivi held a finger up and headed over to the showers, turning each of the on full blast. “C’mere.” she beckoned, and Nami pulled the last of the hairpins from her dress before walking over.

“Alright. The plan?” she asked, crossing her arms over her stomach and curling her fingers around her upper arms just above the elbow.

“They’ve got some way of watching us without video denden mushis.” Vivi said, her voice so soft it was nearly inaudible over the spray of water. “But they can’t hear us if we talk near the showers.”

Nami nodded, pursing her lips. Were there cameras in the bedrooms? The bathrooms? The thought of being watched while she showered made her stomach churn, and she shivered as she shook away old memories.

“We don’t have a plan just yet, but we do have some information.” Vivi said quickly. “Zoro has the patrol schedules memorized, Franny did some tests and determined that her arm is enough to stop the wall from closing, and Robin’s been working on perfecting her full-body bloom so they can’t take all of us down with the neural jack.”

“They’ve still got normal weapons, though.” Nami pointed out.

“True, but Robin specializes in groups of unskilled enemies, remember?”

That was true, but Nami wasn’t sure how many enemies Robin could take out at once with her current level of power. Living with Luffy, you had to be stronger and faster than you’d been before joining his crew, and that was just to keep your food on your own plate. Robin, before Luffy... “Is that really everything you know?” Nami frowned, mentally shelving the question of Robin’s combat capabilities for later.

“The walls get darker the further you get from this area.” Vivi said, turning and shutting off the shower nearest to them. Evidently the time for sharing sensitive information was over. “Best guess is that the long hallways we came down on our way from the portal are lined with other holding cells and storage rooms for the other collections that curator guy manages.”

“Ugh.” Nami shuddered. “Collecting people is just, so creepy.”

“Tell me about it.” Vivi huffed, turning off the last shower. “Putting people up on stage for auction is bad enough, but lining them up just for others to gawk at?” she shuddered, and Nami almost reached out again.

“When we see this curator guy again, wanna punch him in the face?” Nami asked, pulling her hair over one shoulder and idly finger-combing it to keep her hands busy.

“I was thinking more of punching out his boss, if we ever see him.” Vivi chuckled. “Or I can hold him down while you punch him.”

“Oh, or if it’s a woman we can have Sanji hold her still while the rest of us take turns.” Nami smiled. Vivi laughed, a burst of noise which echoed off the bathroom walls, and Nami felt her heart lighten. This wasn’t her Vivi, wasn’t the woman she’d fallen for so hard she was willing to give up the sea to rule at her side, but she couldn’t help loving her. She also couldn’t help being a little jealous of the Nami who got to sail with her girlfriend. Alabasta was a beautiful kingdom, one which Nami loved dearly, but there were days when she longed for the sea breeze in her hair and the weight of a log pose on her wrist.

“Sounds like a plan.” Vivi smiled, waving a hand over the wall to open the door back into the bedroom. “So, how long has Zoro been the World’s Greatest Swordsman, in your timeline?”

“Oh, he had the title for ten, eleven years?” Nami shrugged. “Something like that.”

“Had?” Vivi turned around, a frown on her face.

“Yeah. Luffy insisted that teleportation was cheating, but Zoro honoured the win because her devil fruit was part of her fighting style.”

“So who’s the World’s Greatest now?” Vivi asked as Nami followed her into the bedroom.

“Kyla.” Nami grinned. “Sanji was so ridiculously proud. And Zoro too, since he trained her.”

“Of course.” Vivi grinned.

“Oh, hey.” Nami said, and Vivi paused with her hand just shy of the door opening spot on the wall that lead out to the main room. “Question.”

“Shoot.” Vivi said, turning to face her.

“I don’t wanna ask him directly because it seems kinda rude, but... did Zoro tell you what happened to his forehead to make it look like that?”


	24. Chapter 24

He was going to die. He was so dead, already dead, despite his pounding heart and screaming lungs insisting otherwise. He couldn’t outrun them, didn’t have enough ammo in his gun to take them all down even if he got enough of a lead to pick them off one by one, couldn’t run fast enough to both find shelter and have time to fortify it. Why hadn’t he bolted the other way? Zoro had actually gone the right way for once, and he’d been the one to get turned around and hopelessly lost.

His legs felt like bags of wet sand, but a loud groan from behind spurred him faster. He had to keep running, had to keep- _fuck_ , he was a sprinter not a marathoner! His sides burned, his eyes watered, his ankle throbbed with each pounding beat against the pavement but he couldn’t stop, couldn’t slow down. Maybe if he kept running he’d somehow survive. Run into other survivors, or somehow get lost back to Franky’s van and his pickup truck.

A shimmer off to the left caught his eye, tucked in an alley shadowed by the buildings on either side, and he veered towards it. Narrow alley, less space for the horde to follow. Maybe they’d bottleneck and he could gain a little distance. Maybe there’d be a fire escape ladder he could climb! If he got some altitude, he’d be able to reload as many times as he needed until they were all dead. Well, more dead. Dead for good.

Three steps down the alley, though, everything changed. The shimmer ballooned into an image of a white room, and before he could do more than yelp in surprise he was crashing through it. The cool, dry air was a welcome relief on his sweaty skin, but he couldn’t think about that as he skidded to a stop in the middle of the room. His eyes flicked over his surroundings, taking in the four walls broken only by the entrance he’d come through. No exits, nowhere to run. Well, if this was where he was making his final stand, he would bring as many of those monsters down with him as he could.

Usopp spun on his heel and levelled his gun and the shimmer-edged opening to the alleyway. “Eat this, assholes!” he yelled, and blew the brains out of the one in front. His arms shook slightly, but he took three more down with headshots before his pistol clicked empty, and swore as he ejected the magazine and fumbled for another. People were yelling now, as undead poured through the opening he’d come through, and Usopp jammed a fully loaded magazine into his gun before lifting it to kneecap the nearest monster.

There were other people here, he realized belatedly as he caught a walker through the jaw and stopped it biting into one of them. People wearing what looked like kevlar vests and army boots and _uniforms_. He’d never thought he would be happy to see armed soldiers, but if he had backup... maybe he wouldn’t die today. He nailed another one in the head, kicked the one he’d kneecapped earlier to snap its neck, and spared a glance at his unexpected allies.

“Their heads!” he yelled when he realized they were pumping rounds into the monsters’ chests. “Aim for their heads!” he blasted one through the eye as an example, and ok he’d been aiming for the middle of the forehead but hey, that bullet through the eyeball would make him look way cool if he survived this.

His ears rang from the sound of gunfire in a mostly-sealed room, and when a hand with too few fingers wrapped around his arm he screamed and whirled to pistol-whip his assailant in the jaw before it could get its teeth in him. The butt of his gun cracked against a shiny helmet, and he couldn’t hear too well but the pointing was unmistakable and when he followed the soldier’s finger his heart leapt into his throat. A doorway. An open doorway, with an armed guard on either side picking off undead as they came. Not killing, just kneecapping, but that was better than the chest shots from earlier.

“You have to close that!” he yelled, spinning on his heel and shooting a walker that had been lunging at him with its rotting jaw open wide.

“Not until you’re out of here!” the soldier shouted back, and Usopp’s heart leapt into his throat. “You’re-” the soldier cut off with a gurgle as one of the undead latched onto his throat, and Usopp bolted. He wasn’t dying. Not here, not today. Let the soldiers handle the horde, his heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest and he desperately needed a glass of water.

The guards let him pass, and Usopp slammed into the small room’s only furniture at full speed. He doubled over with a groan, then collapsed to his knees gasping for breath. The sounds of fighting suddenly vanished, and when he looked over his shoulder the wall was smooth, featureless white. No sign that a doorway had ever been there. Two pairs of footsteps entered the room, and Usopp lifted his head to see two figures, one in a sharp suit and the other wearing a white coat. Neither of them were human.

“Well, I guess that was a good time to get abducted by aliens.” he giggled, distantly proud that he managed not to sound completely hysterical.

“This wasn’t an abduction, Usopp.” the alien in a suit said. “My employer wants you safe and sound. In one piece, as it were.” he smiled. At least, it sounded like a he. Usopp was gonna go with He.

“Lucky me.” he grinned, and it was shaky but so was the rest of him dammit.

“All we need is to implant this neural jack, and you can be escorted to your room.”

“Yeah, sure.” Usopp nodded, lifting a hand to grab the tabletop and pull himself up. “Is it gonna hurt?”

“Just a pinch.” the alien in a suit said, and Usopp couldn’t even bring himself to tense as the doctor alien circled around behind him. Something jabbed into his neck, and he grunted as something was forced through his skin. Then the needle was gone, and the doctor alien was guiding him towards another doorway.

“I’m not finished explaini-”

“He needs rest.” the doctor alien said firmly, cutting off the one in the suit before he could finish his sentence. “I’m sure the others will explain it to him well enough.”

An alien in less a heavy-duty soldier uniform took him by the arm and guided him gently through featureless white halls. All the sameness, the silence, it made the whole thing feel unreal. Had he died and not realized it? Was this the afterlife? Angels _were_ supposedly impossible to describe, afterall. Maybe they were choosing to appear to him as aliens so he didn’t freak the fuck out.

“Here.” the guard escorting him said, stopping and turning him to face a featureless section of wall. “There’s bedrooms behind the opposite wall, and en-suite baths.”

“Thanks.” Usopp said numbly, staggering forwards as the wall became a doorway. The room inside was just as brain-numbingly white, save for the figures sitting on the couches and armchairs directly in front of him. Usopp’s breath caught in his chest, and he felt tears welling in his eyes. He would know that flowing ginger mane anywhere. “Nami?” he gasped, and she turned around and it was _her_.

If this was the afterlife, then that meant she was dead. She was dead, and- and- his breath caught in a sob, and an unfamiliar sound met his ears as tears started spilling down his face. A second later a lean, dark blur was vaulting the back of one of the couches, and then familiar arms were around him and there was no mistaking Sanji’s voice but he didn’t smell like cigarettes. Sanji always smelled like cigarettes, always. The scent was practically ground into his skin. Usopp sobbed harder, and clung to Sanji as if his life depended on it. As if either of them still had a life that could depend on anything.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Sanji murmured, fingers raking through Usopp’s filthy hair. “It’s okay, I’ve got you.”

“I’m sorry.” he sobbed, fingers curling in the back of Sanji’s suit jacket. “I’m so sorry. We- we left-”

“It’s okay.” Sanji repeated, tucking his head against Usopp’s for a second and nearly purring. “It’s okay.”

“What was it he said when I arrived, Miss Wednesday?” Robin asked, and Usopp sobbed again, deep and loud and hard enough to make his throat ache.

“Get a pile?” Vivi replied after a second, somewhat uncertainly.

“Yeah, that was it.” Zoro agreed. “Get a pile, you two.”

“Shut your shitty mouth, moss-pan.” Sanji snapped, pulling Usopp’s head tighter to his shoulder as he turned to presumably glare at Zoro. “I’m getting to it.”

“I’m s-so so-orryyy.” he cried into Sanji’s shoulder.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Sanji said quickly, turning back to give Usopp a little squeeze. “You don’t have to apologize for anything.”

“But I-”

“C’mon.” Sanji said abruptly, stepping back and taking his wrist to drag him forward. They circled around the sitting area, and Usopp stumbled behind Sanji as they crossed to the opposite wall. It opened with a wave of Sanji’s hand, and when Sanji shoved him between the shoulders Usopp fell onto a bed. “Gimme like ten seconds, I gotta get this shit all together.”

Usopp nodded, and tried to wipe away his tears as Sanji bustled around the room. Going in there had been his idea. It was his fault Sanji was- Sanji was-

“Hey, hey.” Sanji was at his side again, rubbing away his tears with the pad of his thumb. “I’ve got a pile ready. It’s a bit shit, but better than nothing.” he guided Usopp up off the bed and into a mound of what felt like sheets, blankets, and pillows. It was obscenely comfortable. Usopp sank into the heap of fabric, and a minute later a cool body was settling in behind him, A pillow slid under his head and a blanket over his body, and strong, firm, lifeless-cold arms wrapped around his chest. “You’re okay.” Sanji lifted a hand to rub at his shoulder, easing the tight knot of muscle slightly.

Usopp tried to blink back his tears, but only wound up crying harder. “It’s my fault.” he choked out as Sanji nuzzled against the back of his neck.

“How so?” Sanji murmured, his voice comforting and familiar even if it lacked the roughness of someone who’d been smoking for half his life.

“It was m- my idea.” Usopp gasped. “It was my idea that go-” his breath hitched in another painful sob, and Sanji went back to nearly crushing his ribs in a vice-like hug.

“It’s okay.” he murmured, loosening his grip to card his fingers through the mess of Usopp’s hair. “It’s okay now.”

“But-”

“No buts.” Sanji said sternly. “We’re here, we’re okay. You’re okay.” he pressed his free hand to Usopp’s chest. “You’re okay.”

Usopp sniffled, and gripped Sanji’s arms as he kept murmuring quiet platitudes. If he heard it enough times, maybe he would be able to believe it.


	25. Chapter 25

Usopp groaned and pushed himself upright, his hand sinking into the soft pile under him. His eyes felt halfway glued shut, but he somehow managed to find and stagger into what was obviously a bathroom and get the shower turned on. One nice warm shower later, he rummaged a set of pale grey clothes out of one of the dressers. The drawstring pants fit perfectly, but the shirt felt kinda tight. Whatever, he really couldn’t bring himself to give a shit. 

Getting out of the room was a bit harder, but he eventually spotted the slight discolouration on the wall that would open it up to the main room. There was a sort of home gym over in the nearest corner, and a large sitting area dead ahead, but what drew his eye was the single splash of colour in the large room of white, grey, and chrome. He took two steps towards them, then stopped, blinked his eyes, and stared. That was Nami alright, her beautiful orange hair pulled back in a long, bushy ponytail. Her dress looked a little roughed up, but it was still the fanciest thing he’d seen her wear since, well, maybe prom? He wasn’t sure even her prom dress had been that nice, though.

“Oh, hey sleepyhead!” she beamed when she noticed him. “Have a nice nap?”

“Uh, yeah.” he said slowly, taking in the rest of the people at the table. Vivi with short hair, Robin in a purple cowgirl costume, a bigass robot that looked like someone had made Franky’s little wind-up toy larger than life and slapped a pair of metal boobs on it. The other side of the table seemed to be where the men were sitting. Or, man. Zoro was seated on the bench and leaning back against the wall, one eye half open and focused on Usopp. It would’ve been perfectly normal, except for the fact that he was in full cosplay. Forehead ridges, red uniform shirt, the works. He still had his swords, though, which was a little weird. Personally, Usopp would’ve swapped them out for a one-handed weapon with a design closer to that of a bat’leth.

“Here you go, Nammie-swa~n.” Sanji sang, and Usopp’s eyes snapped to the blond. The blond who was also, apparently, in full cosplay.

“I must still be dreaming.” he groaned, going to slump on the bench next to Zoro. That was the only thing that made sense. He hadn’t seen Robin since they got split up in uptown Vear Yard, and even then she’d never worn something that ridiculous. And Vivi was too attached to her hair to cut it, she just kept it pinned up like Leia’s hair in Empire Strikes Back to keep it from getting grabbed.

“You spent the last sixteen hours dreaming, Usopp-bro.” the robot said with a very Franky-like grin. Okay, yeah, no, he was definitely dreaming. Fem robo-Franky was exactly the kind of bullshit his fucked up brain would pull on him in his sleep.

“Here.” Sanji held a mug out to him, and Usopp took it in both hands. Coffee. God, how long had it been since he had coffee, even in his dreams? He looked up from the warm brown liquid and took in Sanji’s whole outfit again, from the symbol emblazoned large on the front of his suit jacket to the curls at the tips of his ear fins.

“You know, I always suspected Zoro was a closet Trekkie.” he said, taking a sip of his coffee. Oh god it was the good stuff. The type Nami used to complain about Sanji buying when Usopp was the only one who drank it. He lowered the mug, and met Sanji’s eyes evenly. “But I never pegged you for a filthy fucking Homestuck.”

“What’s Homestuck?” Chopper asked from over by the counter.

“A mistake.” Usopp deadpanned, glancing over to where his friend was- that wasn’t Chopper. “What the fuck is that!” he yelped, eyes bugging out as he took in the hulking horned monster and _afro skeleton_ standing by the sink.

“Don’t be rude.” Zoro smacked him on the back of the head. “That’s Brook and Chopper.”

“No they’re not!” Usopp yelled, gesturing wildly and hissing as he sloshed hot coffee on his hand. Everyone else exchanged confused looks. Was he going crazy? He definitely wasn’t dreaming, not with how bad his hand hurt, and he didn’t really feel dead either, but that didn’t explain Vivi’s hair or Robin’s outfit or whatever the fuck those things by the sink were.

“Yeah, they are.” the robot insisted.

“Brook and Chopper are people, not _monsters_!” Usopp insisted, and yelped as Vivi grabbed him by the nose to yank him forwards.

“They’re not monsters.” she said, a cold steel in her voice. “They may look different in your timeline, but my friends. Are not. Monsters.” she released him, and he sat back quickly. He set his mug down, and rubbed at his nose. Yep, definitely Vivi.

“Timeline?” he asked, looking from Vivi to Zoro to the hulking robot woman.

“Universe is more accurate.” Zoro said. “We’re all from different universes.”

“Oh.” Usopp blinked. That- actually made a lot of sense. He’d come through a portal, and these aliens had hyper-advanced technology. It wasn’t unbelievable in the slightest that they’d punched a hole through to a different universe to grab him. _Why_ they’d done it he wasn’t sure, but he wasn’t going to complain when it meant he was still alive. “So, I guess your face just looks like that all the time.” he said flatly to Sanji.

“Yes, it does.” troll-Sanji frowned. “What’s a homestuck?”

“Homestuck is a long, _long_ story.” Usopp sighed, then turned to Zoro. “And I’m guessing you’re not in cosplay either.”

“No?” klingon-Zoro frowned. “This is my uniform. The clothes they provided all feel weird.”

“Fair.” Usopp nodded, and took another sip of his coffee. Aside from the horned bigfoot and skeleton doing the dishes, and the lady robot sitting at the other end of the table, he recognized everyone here. And now that he realized that, he had a hell of a lot of questions. Like what the hell happened to Vivi’s face and hair, what Nami and Robin were wearing, and, well, more questions than he could count for troll-Sanji and klingon-Zoro. “So, uh, I’ve got some questions.”

“Of course.” Robin said, her dark eyes boring into him and giving the oh-so-familiar impression that she was looking at his very soul.

“Mostly for Sanji and Zoro.” he said quickly.

“I can answer a quick one, but then I’ll be making you some lunch.” Sanji said, mouth curling in a small, fond smile. “You want anything specific?”

“Honestly? Grilled cheese would be great.” Usopp chuckled. “But first, uh...” he pursed his lips. What to ask about first? Blood caste would probably be a long explanation, and asking about his own caste would seem really self-centered. And as much as he wanted to know what quadrant they fell in, and how that related to their respective quadrants with Nami, that was a pretty personal thing to ask in front of everyone else. “What’s your planet called?” he settled on after a few seconds of thought. “Or, well, the troll homeworld.”

“Alternia.” troll Sanji said, disdain curling in those four little syllables and flicking across his face so fast Usopp could count on one hand the number of people who might’ve noticed it. “You want anything on your sandwich other than cheese?”

“Uh, some lunch meat?” Usopp hedged. “You know me, I’m not that picky. Or, well, you know troll me. Is troll me picky?”

“A little.” troll Sanji grinned, and turned to head over to the kitchen.

“What kind of questions do you have for me?” klingon-Zoro asked, and Usopp thought for a minute.

“Okay, uh, what’s your position?” he asked, taking a sip of his coffee. God, he’d missed coffee. “I mean, like, obviously you’re a Commander, it’s on your cuffs, but what department?”

“Head of security.” Zoro replied with a small smile. Not quite a smirk, but there was definitely some pride there.

“And we serve on the same ship?” he asked, crossing his legs and turning to face klingon-Zoro slightly.

“Yep. NCC-1000.” his smile went soft and a bit fond. “Officially its name is USS Sunita, but we all call it the Sunny.”

“Hmm, do you know the names of any other ships in the fleet?” he asked, taking another, larger sip of his coffee. It had reached perfect drinking temperature, and he didn’t intend to let it go cold.

“Just a few.” klingon-Zoro said with a shrug. “There’s the Jackson, two of the last three captains have been family friends of Luffy’s and he talks about them a lot but we don’t see them much. We get partnered up with the Tang pretty often, though. Captain Trafalgar’s got a weird sense of humour but I think that’s just a flevian thing.”

“Trafalgar?” Usopp interjected. “Like Trafalgar Law?”

“Yep.” klingon-Zoro nodded. “Luffy seems bound and determined to make the guy his friend.”

“He’ll manage it.” Usopp said, and found himself speaking in unison with Nami, Vivi, and the robot lady, though the robot said She.

“Did I ever say I doubted he would?” klingon-Zoro chuckled, crossing his arms. “The only other ship I know is actually because of Robin.” he inclined his head at the librarian. “She’s-” klingon-Zoro proceeded to make a sound which was absolutely not human, then frowned. “Shit, did I mangle it that badly?”

“Try it again slower?” Usopp suggested, and klingon-Zoro complied. “Hishy’la?” he repeated, and klingon-Zoro nodded. “Hishy’la.” he muttered. “Sounds Vulcan.”

“Well, Robin is a vulcan, so.”

“Robin doesn’t sound like a vulcan name, though.” Usopp tilted his head.

“Yeah, well, Brook and Chopper are the only ones who can get her name right, and she’s named after a songbird, so she goes by Robin.” klingon-Zoro shrugged. “Anyway, she’s that weird word with Pike’s first officer on the Enterprise.”

Usopp sat up ramrod straight, eyes flying open. “Spock and Robin are friends?!” he yelped, an uncontrollable grin splitting his face. “Holy shit, I can’t wait to tell her. My her, I mean, not _mine_ but-”

“We get it.” Nami said, her tone flat but a small smile on her face when he glanced at her.

“How did you know his name?” klingon-Zoro frowned, narrowing his eyes at Usopp.

“Oh, well, he’s part of a TV show in my universe.” Usopp shrugged. “That’s how I recognized Vulcan, there’s whole dictionaries compiled by fans of the languages that show up in the novels and all the different runs of the series.”

“I’m a TV show?” klingon-Zoro frowned, now looking more confused than anything else.

“No, no.” Usopp shook his head. “The you I know was on the verge of being kendo world champ before everything went to shit. The show, well, the series of it I know best, is about the crew of the Enterprise under Captain Kirk.” he grinned again. “Spock is his science officer, and they’re kinda really gay for each other. Also there’s Chekov and Sulu, they’re on the helm. Sulu’s a fencer and Chekov is the youngest one on the bridge. He’s my fave.” he bobbed his head once, and another question occurred to him. “Hey, if we’re on the same ship, what’s my position? Please don’t say redshirt.”

For a long second everyone stared at him blankly, then klingon-Zoro chuckled and shook his head. “Well, you’re not in Engineering, Security, or Communications. You’re actually one of the main shift helmsmen.”

“Really?” he perked up. “Who else is there?”

“Most of the time, Nami.” klingon-Zoro inclined his head towards her, and she grinned.

“You know, you and Nammie are both helmsmen in my universe too.” troll-Sanji said, setting a steaming grilled cheese down in front of Usopp. “Nammie does normal flight, and you handle the ship when there’s weapons fire to deal with.”

Usopp shuddered, and peered at his sandwich instead of looking up at troll-Sanji. The sharp teeth and golden eyes were kinda unnerving, when he knew they weren’t just part of a costume. “There’s no ham or beef in here, right?” he asked, glancing up at the Alternian.

“Of course not.” troll-Sanji huffed. “The Uusopp I know refuses to eat those meats, for some inane reason, and I figured you were the same and too polite to mention it.” he flicked a hand lazily and shrugged. “You’re welcome.”

“Of course.” Usopp grinned. “Thanks.”

“Just shut up and eat your damn food.” troll-Sanji grumbled, ear fins flaring as he looked away and hunched his shoulders. Usopp chuckled, and looked down at the table in front of him. Coffee and grilled cheese. Fuck the end of the world, honestly. He’d be happy to stay in this universe as long as the inhabitants would have him.


	26. Chapter 26

“Usopp?” Chopper’s voice asked, and Usopp looked away from trying to explain the plot of Homestuck to see not the hulking bigfoot thing that had been doing the dishes but something that looked like nothing more than an oversized stuffed animal. It had the same pink hat, though, and sounded very much like his friend. The bag it carried even looked like Chopper’s backpack, just smaller.

“Yes?” he replied warily.

“Could I look at your injuries?”

Usopp pulled his arms in towards his chest, shoulders tensing. Chopper was a medical student, a good chunk of the reason all of them were still alive. Had been still alive, before he suggested they check out one last building on their way back to base. Now his Sanji was dead, and Zoro- fuck, Zoro was probably dead too. Without anyone to keep him pointed the right way he no doubt got lost, and even as strong as Zoro was he couldn’t outrun or outfight an entire horde.

“Uusopp?” troll-Sanji touched his elbow, just a gentle brush of fingers. “He’s a doctormentor, he just wants to do his job.”

“Doc-tormentor?” he definitely didn’t squeak, nope, just totally intentionally pitched his voice up a smidge in completely understandable surprise.

“He means doctor.” Vivi said, not looking up from the game of rat slap she was playing with Robin and Nami.

“Oh, um, sure?” he said, holding out his more injured arm. “It’s nothing serious, just a twisted ankle and some cuts and bruises, but my Chopper, well, not _mine_ , but anyways he’s really good about making sure none of us have any exposed breaks in our skin.”

“What kind of shit is going down in your universe, bro?” Franny asked, looking away from the game.

“End of the world.” he shrugged, and every eye turned to him. Every eye plus the skeleton’s empty sockets.

“Do tell.” Robin turned to face him and leaned forwards, propping one elbow on her crossed legs and resting her chin in her hand.

“Where do I even start?” he chuckled awkwardly as the tiny doctor thing unwound his bandages.

“How about with what’s ending the world?” Nami suggested.

“This is gonna sound totally crazy, but... zombies.”

“Like on Thriller Bark?” Franny frowned. “Those guys were-”

“Kinda fucking terrifying.” Nami interjected. “You shot them and they’d get right back up!”

“Yeah. And it’s spread by bodily fluids, so if you’re bit you’re dead.” he shivered, and rubbed his now bare arm. It felt strange, not having it covered up.

“Or if you get blood on an open wound, hence the bandages.” the little doctor muttered in Chopper’s voice.

“Wait.” Vivi frowned. “Spread?”

Usopp nodded as the little doctor started on his other arm. “Yeah. Officially, it’s a disease that drops all your vitals so far you’re legally dead and then hijacks your brain. Unofficially...” he paused for a second and chuckled at the sheer absurdity of what he was saying. “They’re zombies.”

“That sounds fascinating.” the little doctor said, and when Usopp looked down he found it staring at him with wide, sparkling eyes. “What kind of disease is it? Bacterial? Viral? Fungal?”

“Hey, hey, I don’t know that shit.” Usopp lifted his free hand in surrender. “I just know how not to die.”

“That’s fair.” the little doctor shrugged. “Alright, now hold still.” it said firmly, stepping back and reaching for a curved pouch which hung on the side of its little backpack. The cap came open with a quiet click, and then- then water floated out. It didn’t flow, like gravity said it should. It floated up in a stream to circle one of the inhuman doctor’s hooves.

“Wha-” Usopp blinked, his jaw falling open. That was impossible. The little doctor moved fluidly, and a flick of its thin wrists split the water into two long bubbles, like the kind of balloon you made balloon animals out of. Another few motions flicked the water up and when it settled on his banged-up arms it spread to envelop both of them, still defying gravity.

Then it started to glow, and his breath caught in his throat. His arms itched, and when he squinted through the luminescing water he could see his scrapes and bruises healing, scabs melting into smooth skin and ugly dark purple turning yellow before vanishing entirely. The glow faded after maybe thirty seconds, and then the water rushed down his arms. He followed it with his eyes, and saw the little doctor motioning it back into the pouch it had come out of. No, not motioning it, _bending_ it. There were already a klingon and an Alternian troll here, it made sense that one of the people he was rooming with came from the world of Avatar.

“Holy fuck.” he breathed, a smile spreading on his face. “You’re a waterbender! A real, live waterbender!”

“Well, yeah?” it frowned. “So are you.”

“Me?” Usopp scoffed, waving a hand dismissively. “Please, bending isn’t even real in my universe.”

“Well, the you I know is a waterbender.” the tiny doctor said with a shrug of its narrow shoulders. “You only really use it on plants, though.”

“Okay, that’s pretty cool.” Usopp grinned. “Swamp-bending is like, bloodbending’s less-illegal baby brother.”

“Bloodbending?” the doctor’s eyes widened, then began to sparkle. “Like, bending someone’s blood into someone else’s body for an emergency transfusion? Or keeping them from bleeding out when they get stabbed an unreasonable amount of times?”

“I’m sitting right here, you know.” klingon-Zoro snapped, and troll-Sanji laughed.

“Well, I mean, I guess?” Usopp frowned. “I mean, in AtLA and LoK it’s only ever used as a combat technique, but I guess it does have medical applications. Kinda limited by the fact that most people can only do it on the full moon, though.”

“Why only on the full moon?” the little waterbender frowned. “You can bend plants any day, and they’re not pure water.”

“Yeah, but they’re like, 90% water.” Usopp shrugged. “Humans are only about 75% water, and blood is something like 50%?”

“Why do you know all this?” Nami frowned.

“My bio teacher was way into numbers.” Usopp rolled his eyes. That had been a weird semester, but he’d met Robin and Brook so at least it hadn’t been a bad one. “But hey, is there anything else about your universes that I should know? I wanna get all the spazzing out of the way now so I have time to think of questions.”

“Quick question for you, first.” klingon-Zoro said, his expression grave. “Are you a pirate in your universe?”

“A pi- what?” Uopp frowned. “No? I mean, like, we did a pirate group costume for Halloween a year or two ago, but I’m no sailor.”

“Thank the _Gods_.” klingon-Zoro sighed heavily, then glared at Vivi. “See? There are universes where we _aren’t_ pirates.”

“You’re still outnumbered.” she pointed out, and klingon-Zoro scowled.

“Alright. Universes?” Usopp said briskly, looking around the sitting area.

“Humans where I’m from have wings.” the skeleton volunteered, and Usopp nodded once. Wingverse, neat. Would’ve been cooler if the skeleton still had feathers, or even bat-like wing bones, but overall mostly an aesthetic difference. There were probably a bunch of cultural differences though, that would be fun to get answers about.

“I’m a queen.” Nami supplied, and Usopp smiled.

“Aren’t you always?”

“No.” klingon-Zoro’s scowl shifted from Vivi to Nami. “Sometimes she’s a _pirate_.”

“Pirate, thief, witch, I’m a queen now so what does it matter?” she grinned, and Robin tilted her head curiously.

“What sort of affinity do you have?” she asked, and Nami gave her a blank look.

“Affinity?”

“My affinity is summoning magic, Miss Wednesday’s is protective magic, Mr. Zero’s is elemental lightning.” she listed off easily. “What is yours?”

“Oh, it’s not actually magic.” Nami laughed. “I just have a weapon that lets me manipulate local meteorological conditions until I can rain lightning down on my enemies.” she smiled, sweet as ever, and clasped her hands demurely over her skirt.

“And your friends.” Franny grumbled.

“Wait, wait.” Usopp waved his hands quickly. “You’re telling me that you,” he pointed at Robin. “Are from a universe where magic is real?”

“Well, yes.” Robin smiled her usual small, unreadable smile. “Would you like a demonstration?”

“ _Please_.”

She grinned mischievously, held out a hand, and the skeleton’s hat flew off its head into her palm. She tipped it upside down as Usopp’s jaw fell open, reached in while saying some gibberish words, and when she drew her hand out there was a pure white dove perched on her fingers.

“Holy shit.” he breathed.

“She can do a sehlat too.” klingon-Zoro grinned, and Usopp felt his face split in a smile.

“Really?”

Klingon-Zoro nodded, and Usopp let out a short laugh. “Oh, man, that’s incredible. And the one you know is a vulcan!”

“Yep.” klingon-Zoro was fully smiling now, looking more at-ease than Usopp had seen his Zoro be in a long time. Or, well, not _his_ Zoro, just the one from his universe. He needed a better way to refer to them, honestly.

“Hey, Uusopp, could you help me get the snacks from the hunger trunk?” troll-Sanji asked, standing and jerking his head towards the kitchen.

“Yeah, sure.” Usopp got up and followed the troll version of Sanji into the kitchen, where he opened the fridge and leaned in to grab something.

“Listen.” troll-Sanji said as he straightened up. “I don’t know how well your Homestuck explained troll romance-”

“It was pretty thorough.” Usopp chuckled, recalling the dissertation in canon and even more complex romance wheel he’d seen floating around online.

“Good. Then you know that there’s nothing inherently pale about sharing a pile.” troll-Sanji shoved a bowl of hulled strawberries into his hands forcefully, and turned back to the fridge.

“I’ve kinda been meaning to ask about that, actually.” Usopp admitted. “Not the pile thing, just the quadrant situation in your universe.”

“Well, I don’t have any quadrants filled officially, but everyone’s a little bit pale for Luffy. He’s so reckless it’s hard not to be.”

“Sounds about right.” Usopp chuckled, imagining his Luffy, or rather the one from his universe, with horns and pointy teeth.

“I may be getting a kismesis soon, though. Nammie and Zororo aren’t exactly pitch soulmates so she may be going down to one filled quadrant.” Sanji said, sharp teeth flashing in a quick grin.

“What about me?” Usopp asked.

“Long-distance moiraillegiance with the pretty blueblood who gave us the Merrie.” troll-Sanji said offhandedly, pulling out a plate covered with opaque cling-wrap and putting that on top of the bowl of strawberries. “You keep giving Zororo and Choppa these _looks_ when they’re being pale.”

Merrie had to be the troll-verse version of his battered old pickup Merry, which meant his moirail was Kaya. That was pretty accurate. “And, in the flushed department?” he ventured. Troll-Sanji had said that he wasn’t quadranted yet, but he’d only joined them in Usopp’s universe after breaking up with Zoro so in troll terms that’d probably be after he and troll-Zoro were settled as kismeses.

“Oh, there’s only one matesprit pair on the crew.” troll-Sanji beamed, pulling out a small bowl and flicking the fridge door shut with his foot. “Nammie and Vivivi are soulmates, I’m sure of it.”

Wait, what?

“And honestly, it must be serendipity. For two lovely ladies to be together in three universes and pining in a fourth? If that’s not fate, I don’t know what is.” he sighed dreamily, setting the little bowl down on the counter and taking the plate from Usopp. “From what I gather, you and Kaiyah are serendipitous too.” troll-Sanji flashed him a quick smile.

“Oh.” Usopp looked down at the bowl in his arms, and curled his fingers against the cool material. “Serendipity, huh.” he muttered. His universe was already the odd one out in terms of them not being pirates, if he’d interpreted Vivi and Zoro’s exchange correctly. Was it also the odd one out in terms of relationships?

“I hope I find a relationship like that someday.” troll-Sanji sighed, and Usopp swallowed the urge to suggest himself as a possible flushed candidate. Even his Sanji hadn’t loved him, at first. It had taken the end of the freaking world for them to come together, and he wouldn’t wish that on anyone, least of all the troll universe versions of his friends and lovers.

“Is there any way to get back to the portal?” he asked, setting down the bowl of strawberries as troll-Sanji rearranged the cheese on the serving plate. If he could get back to it he could probably figure out how to open it back up and get _his_ Nami to safety here. And the rest of their friends too, but Nami first.

“We’re working on it.” troll-Sanji said, then gave Usopp a short, soft smile. “You’ll be back to your Kaiyah soon enough.”

“And my Nami.” Usopp smiled.

“But not really _your_ Nammie, right?” troll-Sanji joked.

“No, my Nami.” Usopp said, rubbing at his chest where ink swirled across the skin in a typographic heart. He frowned, hand stilling over his heart and tattoo. “She may hate me for getting our Sanji killed, but she doesn’t deserve to lose both of us in one day.”

“Oh.” troll-Sanji said softly, and laid one clawed hand on Usopp’s elbow. “Don’t worry, we’ll get you back to her.”

“So...” Usopp said after troll-Sanji had gone back to plating, adding strawberries between the cubes of pale cheese. The silence between them was heavy, awkward, stifling despite the background noise of the others playing rat slap. “I thought the only fuschia-bloods were the Condesce and her Heiress.”

“I’m magenta.” troll-Sanji said flatly, as if he’d been giving that answer his whole life. Which, come to think of it, he probably had. “I’m as much fuschia as Viv is a highblood.”

“Alright.” he nodded, and silence settled again. “I’m gonna go join rat slap.” he said after a moment. “Unless you’ll need my help carrying that?”

“I’ll manage.” troll-Sanji said, a clear dismissal but not a cold one. That was the best he was gonna get, honestly.

Usopp went back to the sitting area and Nami dealt him in with a smile that made his heart ache. This Nami wasn’t the girl he’d fallen in love with before he knew what love was beyond the source of fairy tale magic. She wasn’t the woman he’d been looking forward to building a life with once they graduated from college, wasn’t the one who had watched his back since everything went to shit. She had scars where his Nami had smooth skin, lightning on her forearms and deep ugly marks on her left shoulder. She wore her fine gown and tasteful circlet with an easy confidence that spoke to years of practice. Her hair was longer, her face ever so slightly more lined, her hands calloused.

But she smiled the same, laughed the same, cheated the same when klingon-Zoro joined them in playing. She was Nami, through and through, but she wasn’t his. His Nami was still back in their zombie-infested universe. If he could bring her here, bring all his friends here... they could be safe. No more undead to worry about, no more looking over their shoulders every minute or two, no more losing people they loved. And he was sure Luffy would have a field day meeting all these alternate versions of their friends.


	27. Chapter 27

Luffy grunted and prised his eyes open, squinting at the bright light. Ah, his neck stung, like he’d been bit by a mosquito. He lifted a hand to slap at the irritation, then sat up and looked around. He wasn’t in his barrel anymore, it was too big and bright for that. He was in a weird white room, sitting in a metal chair at a metal table. He looked around, squinting at the walls. There were no doors or windows or anything. Where was he?

The wall across from him opened, and his eyes widened as something walked in. It had two legs and arms, like a human, but the wrong number of fingers. Its skin was the wrong colour too, and weird things grew out of its forehead before flopping back over its dark hair. They reminded him of the whiskers on catfish. Its eyes were flat grey, and when it smiled wide its teeth were pointy sharp like the Master of the Near Sea’s. It didn’t seem to be threatening him, though. Luffy smiled back as it sat down across from him.

“Hello, Straw Hat.” it said. Luffy looked around, blinking slowly. Was there someone else here? The weird-looking thing chuckled, and Luffy looked back at it blankly as it started talking. Luffy wasn’t sure what most of what it was saying meant, but he nodded anyways. Makino had said it was polite to agree with someone if you didn’t know what they were talking about, and just because he was a pirate didn’t mean he had to be rude.

“Do you have any questions?” the thing asked, and Luffy shook his head slightly to wake himself up.

He nodded, and sat up straighter. “Do you poop?”

“Do I- what?” the thing looked confused.

“Do you poop.” Luffy repeated. Geez, was it stupid or something?

“I- yes?” it frowned. “Why do you want to know?”

Luffy shrugged and dug a finger into his nose to pick at a booger. “Well you’re not human, and you’re not an animal, so I don’t know if you poop.”

“And this matters why?” it frowned again.

Luffy gave another shrug, pulling the offending booger free and wiping it off on his shorts.

“I- see...” it said slowly. “If that is all, then the guards will escort you to the room.” it stood and walked over to the wall, waving a hand over the smooth white surface. A doorway opened up out of nowhere, and Luffy gasped.

“Mystery door.” he whispered, getting up and walking over to it. The hallway outside was the same flat white, and stretched out left and right without any markers of where it was going. Two things that looks sort of like the first thing but with different clothes were waiting, and Luffy followed them as they started down the hall. He looked from side to side, taking in every inch of pure white. It was like the time he and Ace had gotten turned around in a snowstorm and everything around them was white. That had been a fun adventure, even if Sabo had whacked him over the head with his pipe for going out in the snow without even normal shoes on.

But pure white walls got boring pretty quick, so he started whistling a little tune he’d made up about islands. “And they’re idio~ts.” he sang at the end of the first verse, and one of the guards chuckled. Luffy grinned, and had sung half the second verse when the guards stopped and moved over towards the wall. Looking at a wall sounded boring, though, so he kept walking. He never would’ve guessed that climbing into in a barrel would take him somewhere as cool as this.

A three-fingered hand closed on the collar of his vest, and he yelped as he was dragged backwards. “You go in this one, Straw Hat.” one of the guards said, and pointed him at a mystery door in the wall. Through the door he could see people. A _bunch_ of people. His eyes flicked from the lady with bright orange hair to the one with a cool purple hat to the one with what could only be lightning scars on her face, then settled on a boy with a long nose and familiar, curly hair. That guy looked like how Yasopp had described his kid, but he was too old. Usopp was supposed to be barely older than Luffy, not like, two years older.

He stepped into the room at a shove, and a grin split his face at the sight of the other people inside. The first to catch his eye was, of course, the _massive_ robot lady. Next coolest was the afro skeleton talking to her, and then the tanuki lying on a wrinkle-forehead guy with green hair. And the final one he spotted, with grey skin and golden eyes and bright pink ear fins and _horns_ , was the first to meet his eyes.

“Holy shit.” it breathed, and then every eye was on him. The guy with the wrinkly forehead beamed and shot to its feet, one hand lifting to steady the tanuki so it didn’t fall off.

“Luffy!” he exclaimed, hopping over an armchair and skidding to a stop in front of him. “By the gods, am I glad to see you.”

Luffy tilted his head, and squinted at the alien’s face. Mmmmm, nope, not familiar, which meant he hadn’t asked the most important question yet. “Do you poop?”

“Wha-? I- Luffy, you know me!”

The tanuki started giggling, and the robot lady burst out in loud, happy laughter. “That’s Lucy alright!”

“Who’s Lucy?” Luffy frowned. Oh, right, he hadn’t introduced himself yet! That was important too. “Oh, we haven’t met before, Mr. Funny Forehead Guy. I’m Monkey D. Luffy, and I’m gonna be King of the Pirates!”

“ **Oh for fuck’s sake!** ”


	28. Chapter 28

At the funny forehead guy’s outburst the one with horns started downright cackling, and the tanuki laughed so hard it fell off of the forehead guy’s head and onto the floor. Luffy laughed too, and then the girl with short blue hair and lightning on her face was walking up to him with a smile. He stopped laughing at that. It wasn’t a polite smile like Makino wore, or a happy smile like the robot’s as she laughed, but a sad smile.

“Hello, Mr. Straw Hat Luffy. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” she said, extending a hand to him. He looked down at it, then over her shoulder at the strangers in the room. The skeleton and the lady with the purple hat were watching him the same way Ace watched bugs crawl along tree branches, but the others were looking at him strangely. Like they expected something. He looked back at her hand, then at her sad smile, then beamed and slapped his palm to hers, matching her firm grip.

“I've never met you, but you're acting like I'm your friend.” he said, meeting her bright blue eyes. “You seem like a good person, so there's no reason we can't start being friends right now!” he smiled extra wide, but his face fell quickly as she started crying. What was wrong with her? All he did was shake her hand!

“Hey, Luffy.” the guy with the funny forehead said, drawing his attention. “Do you really not know me?”

Luffy shook his head. “I’d remember your dumb-looking forehead.” he said, and someone groaned. Another person giggled.

“Oh for the love of- it’s me, Z’oro? We met on your first day of classes? I showed you around-”

“Who let you do that?” the lady with orange hair grinned, turning to cross her arms over the back of the couch she was sitting on. Ooooh, she had lightning scars too! “I bet he didn’t make it to a single class on time.”

From the way the forehead guy flushed, Luffy guessed the orange lady was right.”Shut up, Nami. You already make fun of me for that whenever our Academy days come up.”

“Of course.” she grinned like a cat. Luffy decided he liked her. She was able to get Z-whatsit grumbling in seconds, and he’d never met someone with that skill who wasn’t fun to hang out with.

“C’mon, Captain.” forehead guy said, grabbing his attention again. “Commander Z’oro Roronoa? Any bells?”

“Nope.” Luffy shook his head. “Nice to meet you, Zoro!”

“ _Fuck_.” Zoro sighed, slumping forwards.

“I know you’re pissy we’re not all space-Marines, Zoro-bro, but did you really expect anything else the way he introduced himself?”

“A man can hope!” Zoro snapped, an Luffy chuckled. These guys were funny!

“I’m Chopper.” said a high voice, and when Luffy looked down he saw the tanuki waving with that same not-happy smile Vivi had been wearing earlier.

“Aaah! A talking tanuki!” he yelled, a smile splitting his face again. “So cool!”

“I’m a reindeer, you bastard!” Chopper shouted back, but he was doing a little wiggle dance which looked way more happy than angry.

“Well, if we all have to re-introduce ourselves, I’m Usopp!” the guy with the long nose and Yasopp’s hair declared, puffing his chest out and jabbing a thumb at it. “Best sniper with gun and bow in the entire world!”

“Doubt it.” Luffy said, and Usopp tipped forward until his face hit a low table.

“You’re not even from my universe, you ass!” he exclaimed as he pushed himself up, and Luffy’s laughter was joined by the rest of the people in the room.

“I’m Franny. I’m a cyborg.” the big lady with red shoulders and blue hair said.

“So coool!” Luffy beamed, running over. and grabbing one of her big blocky forearms. “You’re really made of metal!”

“And I run on cola.” Franny said with a grin, opening her stomach to reveal a mini-fridge full of soda bottles.

“SO COOL!” Luffy liked her best. Coolest person in this entire room, hands down.

“I’m Nami.” said the lady with orange hair.

“Robin.” said the one in a purple hat, and Luffy nodded at each of them.

“I’m Sanjie.” said the grey one with pink frilly ears.

“And I’m Brook.” the skeleton said, reaching inside his jacket and pulling out an instrument. “I’m a musician.”

“A musician?!” Luffy beamed. “Join my crew!”

Several people laughed, a few more sighed, but Luffy didn’t care about them. He needed a musician for his pirate crew, it was _important_ , and a talking skeleton was super cool! He’d have the coolest musician in the world!

“Of course.” Brook smiled, and Luffy heard somebody fall over.

“Just like that! Are you kidding me?” Sanji yelled.

“Ah! I forgot.” Luffy pointed at Brook, Franny, and Sanji. “Do you guys poop?”

“Oh yes, I poop.” Brook answered as Franny burst out laughing.

“Don’t _answer_ him!” Sanji yelled, and kicked Brook in the head. Luffy laughed, and his stomach growled. Wow, how long had it been since he ate? He couldn’t remember, so obviously too long. Sanji dropped to the floor with a grimace, then turned to him with a small smile. Ooooh, his teeth were pointy! “You’re hungry, huh?”

“Guess so.” Luffy laughed, rubbing his stomach.

“C’mon, I’ll make you some food.”

“And then you can show him the bedroom.” Zoro said. Sanji flipped him off.

“I’m not showing him shit, moss pan.”

“Bedroom?” Luffy frowned. Was he supposed to stay here? Fuck that! Okay, well, maybe he’d stay here to finish his nap, but after that he was going to go back to his barrel. He couldn’t become Pirate King if he was cooped up in some boring white mystery place. But first, food. This Sanji guy sounded pretty confident about his cooking, so he couldn’t possibly be as bad at it as Dadan.


	29. Chapter 29

Franny chuckled as Luffy dug into Sanjie’s food with gusto. That was her captain, alright, even if she was a guy and apparently hadn’t met any of them yet. It was strange, seeing Lucy so small. Had she really been that tiny when she started out? There was barely any muscle visible under his tan skin, and Luffy wore his vest closed instead of open over a bikini like Lucy did now.

“Is that why you don’t correct the others when they mispronounce your name?” Brook asked Zoro.

“More or less.” he shrugged. “Captain mangles anything that’s not Meian Standard or English, and he still fucks those up half the time.”

“Ha!” Sanji laughed, short and sharp. “He can’t even get his own first mate’s name right?”

“He can’t even get his own _boyfriend’s_ name right, in my universe.” Usopp added. Franny raised an eyebrow. Boyfriend? She couldn’t imagine Lucy with any kind of romantic partner, regardless of gender.

“Boyfriend?” Nami raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure we’re talking about the same Luffy? I’m not entirely sure he knows what kissing is, let alone sex.”

“Honestly, I have no clue how they wound up an item, but they did.” Usopp shrugged. “They’re pretty cute together, though.”

“I was told Luffy would be my captain.” Robin said, dark eyes narrowing slightly at Vivi. “This boy doesn’t seem fit to be anyone’s captain.”

“Hey.” Franny frowned, and noticed everyone but Usopp, Vivi, and Brook had a scowl on their face. Usopp just looked vaguely offended, Brook didn’t know them yet in his own world, and Vivi’s expression had gone something close to pitying.

“He is.” she said, an unexpected steel in her tone. “He may not look like much right now, but Luffy is our captain and we love him. Even if-” she glanced at Luffy, who was cheerfully stuffing his face while talking to Sanjie, and an inexplicable grief came over her lightning-marred features. “Even if he doesn’t know any of us yet.” she finished softly.

“Well, most of us love Luffy.” Franny said, and Vivi gave her the most scandalized look she’d seen in a long while. “Technically, I love Lucy.” she grinned, and Usopp snorted.

“Anyways, the point still stands.” Zoro said. “He’s our captain, and we’ll follow him anywhere.”

“And now that he’s here, we’ll definitely be able to get back home!” Chopper beamed.

“With the entire Monster Trio in one place, it’s only a matter of time.” Nami nodded. “I’ve seen the Zoro from my world cut shit with his bare hands, and that was before he even beat Mihawk. Even with Sanji and Luffy as young as they are, you three should be able to handle this.”

“With his bare hands? Really?” Franny’s eyes widened.

“It was before you joined.” Nami waved a hand dismissively, and Fanny slumped in her seat. Damn, that sounded cool too. But maybe she could ask Zoro to demonstrate it for her when she got back to her own ship and nakama.

“Okay, I’m not even going to get _started_ on why the physics of that wouldn’t work, because if your world has talking reindeer and living skeletons it obviously doesn’t give a fuck about physics.” Usopp said, leaning forwards and bracing his elbows on his knees. “But why is it relevant again?”

“Because they blunted my swords.” Zoro scowled. “It’s like some kind of force field that only activates when the blade is in motion.”

“Really?” Usopp’s eyes widened, and Franny nodded.

“Yep. It’s SUPER cool.” she grinned. “Got a force field around the generator, or I would’ve tried taking one of them apart myself as soon as he figured out.”

“Ooh, neat.” Usopp grinned, and Franny finally realized what had been throwing her off the whole time. Usopp had facial hair, dark at his chin and thinner stubble across his jaw. “Can I see?” he asked, turning to Zoro.

“You see this?” Zoro pointed at a circle of shiny chrome metal attached to the butt ends of his swords. “This tiny thing is the reason we’re still here.”

“And you said it makes a force field when you swing?” Usopp’s expression was familiar, even with the scruff of a beard partially obscuring his chin.

“Yes.”

“Robin, what was it you said Vivi’s magic was?”

Robin tilted her head slightly, the equivalent of a shocked double-take on anyone else. “Protective. But that’s not-”

“Not your type of magic, yeah, got that. Can you-” Usopp paused and got up, looking towards the kitchen. “Hey, Sanjie, where’s the blender?”

“Second cabinet right of the sink, under the counter.” he answered, turning away from Luffy with a frown. “Why?”

“I need to talk with Robin about Clarke’s third law.” Usopp grinned, and Franny may not know precisely what that meant but she knew that smile. That was the smile that preceded the two of them making something which would probably blow up in the end. And in their current situation, Usopp’s explosive imagination was probably exactly what they needed.

\---

“Hey, Robin?” Franny asked, extending her hair to its maximum length and letting the warm spray soak it.

“Yes?” Robin replied from the next shower stall.

“How’s your full-body bloom coming along?”

“Better than the last time you asked.” she said drily. 

Franny squeezed a big glop of shampoo into her metal palm, and stepped out from under the spray as she started working it into her scalp. Anybody outside of their crew would’ve probably considered the conversation over at that, but Franny wasn’t about to let a bit of chilliness deter her. This was Robin, after all. Admittedly, this Robin could summon bears with six-inch fangs with a few words and waves of her hand, but that didn’t really increase her deadliness by much when she could break somebody’s neck just by crossing her arms.

“You don’t believe in Luffy, do you.”

It wasn’t a question, not really. Brook had taken to their captain just as quickly as Brooke, laughing and joking and singing with the teen as soon as he finished eating. Robin, though, had remained stoic in the face of Luffy’s sunny personality. She’d barely warmed up to them at all in the time she’d been here, and Luffy not knowing any of them... Franny knew Robin well enough to know that certainly didn’t help Vivi’s credibility in their archaeologist’s eyes.

“No.” Robin answered, emotionless. They fell back into silence after that, and Franny didn’t think of anything more to say until she’d stepped back under the warm spray and started rinsing the suds from her hair.

“You were the one who got me to join the crew, you know.” she said without preamble. “Lucy orchestrated this whole thing with stealing my bikini and having me run all the way to Sunny to get it back, but I still wasn’t going to join.”

There was a moment where the sound of water drumming on tile was the only sound in the bathroom, but then Robin spoke. “I’ll bite. What did I do?”

“You bloomed arms on my thighs and yanked half my pubes out.” Franny laughed at the memory. In retrospect, the whole situation was pretty hilarious. “Hurt like an absolute _bitch_ , but it gave me a way to say goodbye to my gang without looking like a total crybaby in front of half the city. Never did thank you for that.”

“You’re thanking me, for something I’ve never done.” Robin’s tone was flat, but still clearly asking for an explanation.

“Consider it an advance.” Franny smiled, tilting her head back to get the last of the suds lingering at the front of her scalp. “You’ll probably do something similar, once Lucy decides to recruit me in your universe.”

“You are a very strange woman, Miss Cyborg.” Robin said after a long minute of near-silence.

“I try.” Franny grinned. Lucy had a way of making the universe bend to her whims, and from the sounds of some of the stories the others told it seemed that Luffy did as well. Now that they had Luffy here, it was only a matter of time before they got back to their own universes.


	30. Chapter 30

“No.” Franny shook her head, tossing the dress onto her bed. “That looks so fucking tacky.”

“You’ve been wearing the same obnoxiously patterned shirt since I arrived.” Robin pointed out, not looking up from the identical dress in her own hands.

“Okay, you don’t get to criticize my fashion sense when you’re wearing a cowgirl costume.”

“Costume?” one of Robin’s eyebrows raised.

“Yeah.” Franny nodded. “It looks more like something you’d see on the train to San Faldo than anywhere else.”

“Interesting. But consider.” Robin smiled, razor sharp and vicious. “I did not ask for your opinion.”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I agree with Franky. Sorry, _Franny_.” Nami shook her head, her mane of unbound orange hair whipping side to side. “I agree with Franny. My dress looks way nicer than this.” she tossed her own supplied dress off to the side, and a second later Vivi’s joined it on the floor.

“If we’re refusing to wear their clothes, we should do it unanimously.” she said with all the confidence of someone who was used to giving orders. “I’ll go tell the boys not to bother.”

Nami smiled at Vivi’s back as the princess left the room, and Franny was struck again by how strange it was to see her nakama so close to her own age. The Nami she knew wasn’t even of legal drinking age yet, and the one in front of her was, well, a queen. Okay, technically queen consort since Vivi was the queen, but still. She had grown up from the brash girl who stormed Water 7 into a woman who was perfectly capable of ruling a country. Nami shook her head gently, and pulled her hair back into a ponytail with a small smile on her face. She was still just as besotted, though.

Robin began folding her dress neatly as Franny tossed her own into the pile, and she took a moment to really look at the archaeologist. She was younger than she should be, younger than she had been when they met on the sea train and far more guarded. Franny knew why, of course, but it was still strange not to see her smiling when Usopp and Chopper were being dorks together. Almost as strange as seeing her face bare of lightning scars, the skin smoother than Franny had ever seen outside of that one childhood bounty poster.

“Do you find me folding clothes so interesting, Miss Cyborg?” Robin asked, and Franny chuckled.

“Nah, it’s just weird.”

“No stranger than you throwing yours on the floor from your bed.” she replied without missing a beat.

“Not the folding.” Franny shook her head. “The Robin I know... looks kinda different.” somehow, she doubted that trying to explain the events of an adventure she hadn’t taken part in would go over too well. Robin was still Robin, after all. She would want to know details and stuff.

“Fascinating.” Robin’s tone was dry, and Franny sighed. Brook didn’t know them yet, in his own universe, but he had fallen into an easy companionship with them quick enough. The others, even though they came from such varied universes, even though some of them knew her as Franky in their own world, treated her as if she was an old friend. They were from separate universes, but they were still nakama. Robin was the only one who had yet to relax around them, despite multiple offers daily to include her in whatever they were doing at the moment to pass the time. She simply sat off to the side, either meditating or practicing with her devil fruit, only joining in the conversation when they were discussing escape plans.

If Franny hadn’t known what Robin’s life was like before Luffy, she would’ve felt at least a little bit hurt. Maybe even offended. But with Robin, well... she had no reason to trust them yet. That wasn’t anything Franny could get worked up about. If anything, she pitied this Robin a little. Sure she had crazy cool powers, but she didn’t have anybody she could trust. Nobody she could be herself around. But, Franny reminded herself with a little shake of her head, Robin _would_ meet them. She would meet her own Lucy, who probably had some hilariously insane magic, and come to trust her nakama.

“You’re staring again.”

“Sorry.” Franny looked away. When she got back to her own universe, she was going to give her Robin the biggest hug.

\---

Franny’s eyes flicked over the guests as she squared her shoulders and stepped into place. She’d been placed on the end of the line again, with Robin Nami and Vivi to her right. On Vivi’s right was Luffy, fidgeting and blatantly looking around with wide eyes. Past him were Usopp, Sanjie, Chopper, Z’oro, and Brook. Z’oro and Sanjie looked ready to fuck somebody up, but honestly so did just about everyone else. Z’oro and Sanjie were just the most noticeable because, well, they were aliens. Sanjie’s sharp teeth were bared in a mockery of a grin, jarring against the tense line of his shoulders, while Z’oro’s lips were curled up only the barest amount in a downright predatory smirk.

The lackey who’d come to herd them to the stage had seemed anxious as fuck about the fact that they weren’t wearing the tacky sparkly dresses and probably equally tacky suits, but when she refocused her eyes to see past the glare of the lights she didn’t see anyone looking upset. Hell, most of them weren’t even looking at the stage. They were looking at each other, or towards a doorway at the other end of the room, where several guards had gathered.

“Franny, what’s going on?” Nami asked, turning her head ever so slightly as sounds of a commotion reached them.

“Not sure.” she admitted. “Looks like someone’s trying to get in.”

“Ooh, a fight?” Luffy beamed, bouncing in place. “I want in!” he bounded forwards two steps, then yelped and slapped a hand to the back of his neck, where the neural jack sat under his skin. “What the hell?” he frowned, taking another step forward slightly more cautiously. He tensed, and Usopp grabbed his wrist.

“Luffy, don’t.” he hissed. “They can fry your brain if you make trouble.”

“Who can what?” Luffy frowned.

Usopp and Z’oro both opened their mouths to answer, but before either of them could speak a shrill scream rang out across the hall. Franny’s head whipped around, eyes focusing past the lights again, and she felt a chill crawl down her spine. People were pouring into the hall now, more and more screams filling the air as the newcomers lunged at guests.

“ **Fuck** ” Usopp swore, stepping back from the line and reaching behind himself. “Franny, do you have any weapons?”

“I _am_ a weapon.” she grinned, quickly gauging how much ammo and cola she had in her reserves. “Who am I aiming at?”

“The walkers.” Usopp drew a pistol from the back of his waistband, and levelled it at the crowd.

“Looks like we found our opportunity.” Sanjie grinned, and out of the corner of her eye Franny saw his shoes flicker and change colour.

Robin crossed her arms, and after a second another Robin stood behind the first, fully clothed right down to the hat. The first Robin dissolved into flower petals, and a small roughly conical piece of metal hit the stage where she’d been standing. The neural jack. She was free.

“Robin, you said you have a summon that can help?” Vivi asked as the horde swarmed closer, pulling her peacock slashers from her skirt.

“Absolutely, Miss Wednesday.” Robin smiled, hard and threatening, and lifted her hands to cast a spell. It took only a few seconds, no more than ten, before suddenly a massive thing covered in what looked like shiny black exoskeleton _appeared_ at the front of the stage. It looked, wrong. Wrong in a way that the inhuman things keeping them captive didn’t.

Sanjie screamed bloody murder, Usopp yelped in surprise, and the two of them jumped towards each other. “Why did you summon an _acheronian_?” Sanjie yelled as Robin started disabling the force field which shimmered at the front of the stage.

“It seems a lot bigger in person.” Usopp said, his voice soft and frightened as he clung to Sanjie’s jacket. Franny would’ve been willing to bet Nami any amount of money that acheronians existed in Usopp’s universe as a movie character.

The force field dropped with a loud crackle, and Luffy’s face split in his trademark grin as he giggled. “Let’s go kick some ass!” he crowed, and leapt off the front of the stage. Franny laughed, and followed her captain into the fray.

\---

“Wait!”

Franny spun on her heel to face Vivi, backhanding a zombie away as she did so. “What’s wrong?”

“The hat!” Vivi cried, deftly removing a pair of hands reaching for her with the razor sharp blades of her peacock slashers. “We have to go back to the room for Luffy’s hat!”

“Franny, go with her.” Z’oro barked. “Meet us at the portal room.”

“Will do, bro!” Franny gave him a thumbs up and interlocked hers fingers as she extended her arms, turning her palms out in both a stretch and a shield. “Ready to mow down some more zombies?”

“Of course.” Vivi smiled, and her weapons spun faster around her fingers.

“I’ve got- wait, fuck.” Nami frowned. “I don’t have my climatact.”

“I’ve got a light.” Sanjie said, gesturing with one hand and pulling a lantern out of thin air. “Here, Nami.” he held it out to her, and Franny turned away, pointing her nipple lights down the hall in the direction they needed to go. The lights going out had been unexpected, but since the loss of power had deactivated all the doors into open doorways she wasn’t going to complain about it.

“So, why did Blackbeard have Luffy’s hat anyways?” Franny asked as Vivi cut down an alien zombie, its blood splashing on her arms and shirt.

“Long story short? Time travel.” Vivi ducked aside, and Franny cleared the next few yards of hallway with a burst of fire from weapons left.

“And short story long?” Franny asked as Vivi dashed forwards, haki shining on her forearms and peacock slashers.

“Time travel devil fruit anchor.”

Okay, that string of words made next to no sense, but Vivi delivered them with enough confidence that Franny was certain she wouldn’t get a better answer by asking again. “Alrighty then. Strong right!” she threw her right hand forwards, palm out, and it shot from the end of her arm like a wall of metal. Grab the hat, get back to the rest of the crew and pray Usopp had the portal up and running when they got there. It wouldn’t be long at all until she was back home with her nakama.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late chapter, guys. RL kinda kicked my ass last night.

“And, done.” Robin said as the chains around his wing bones went slack. Brook shook his wings, extending them out and down, and sighed as the restraints slid off. Stretching his wings out to their full length made his joints pop, and he flapped twice to make sure they weren’t dislocated. Gods, it felt good to stretch.

“Shit, shit, _shit_.” Usopp slammed his palms down on the large console which likely controlled the portal. “I can’t do it. I don’t know how to calibrate it to take us back where we came from.”

“Well, shit.” Sanjie said emphatically. “Does it have a history?”

“Not that I can read!” Usopp sounded slightly hysterical, and Brook couldn’t blame him.

“What’s this?” he asked, walking over and pointing at a circle emitting moving lines of red light. The light played over his hand, and then the machine made a beeping noise and several lights lit up. Usopp jumped, and slammed at a few of them. Then the wall seemed to open up, and he was looking at his ship.

“That’s it!” Usopp crowed, punching the air. “Brook, go through. I’ll close it behind you so no zombies follow.”

“Thank you.” Brook inclined his head. “I look forward to our meeting in my own world!” he cried, to the room at large, and stepped-

A strange noise was coming from behind him, a sound that set every hair on end. Or, well, would’ve done if he still had skin. He turned, and his eyes widened at the sight of a pale room and colourful fighters. The vision vanished as soon as he’d seen it, though, and after a second of staring at the bow of the ship he shook his head. He was just seeing things in the fog again. Either that, or he was finally losing his mind. He fluttered his wing bones, and started towards the railing. As long as he was up here he may as well check what remained of the rigging.

\---

“Coming through!” Franny bellowed, smashing a zombie flat and ducking as Vivi leapt off of her back over Z’oro’s head. The swordsman stepped aside to let her through, and as soon as she was in the portal room Franny noticed Usopp at the controls.

“Franny, you’re next!” he said loudly, gesturing for her to come over. She jogged over to the control panel, and Usopp pointed at a port emitting a whole bunch of seemingly random lasers. She moved to look inside, and the wall crackled open. On the other side, she could see Sunny’s crow’s nest. Home.

“How-?”

“Hell if I know.” Usopp snapped, pointing at the wall. “Now go! We gotta get _everyone_ outta here!”

Franny nodded and charged at the portal, shutting her eyes at the last second. One step her foot rang on the strange white floor, the next on familiar adam wood. Her eyes flew open, and she whooped as the portal shut behind her. This was her ship, alright. She knew every scuff and ding in this room, all the ones that would buff out and all the ones that wouldn’t. She was home.

Franny took a deep breath, and let the tension in her shoulders ease. No more wondering if she was being watched, no more being shown off like a piece of treasure, no more freaking nervous system hijacks. Those really freaking sucked. Franny headed for the trapdoor, and grinned as she pulled it open. Time to go give Robin a hug. Even if it was several years too late, she deserved some sympathy for what she’d gone through.

\---

“Next!” Usopp yelled as soon as the portal closed behind Franny. Robin tripped another wave of zombies, and hurried over to the thing which had opened the last two portals. Her fighting style was uniquely ill-suited for this, and she wanted to return to Alabasta as soon as possible. She held a hand in front of the circle of light, and the portal crackled to life once more, this time showing a library. She strode purposefully towards-

The shelves in front of her, and was reaching for a book which looked interesting before she realized she had completely forgotten what she came here for. A book on Summoning theory, yes, but which one? She frowned, and looked to the end table where she’d set down the rest of her books. She was missing something, something obvious, something important. Great, now it was going to bug her all day.

\---

When Usopp called for another volunteer to come go through a portal back home, Chopper dropped out of heavy point and hurried over. “What do I do?” he asked, and Usopp pointed as a circle emitting beams of red light.

“Put your hand- err, hoof there, and I can open your portal.”

“Got it.” Chopper nodded, and stuck most of his arm into the red light. A second later the portal opened up, and when he approached his heart wrenched to realize it showed the island Kuma had knocked him to. “Can’t you put me back on Sabaody?” he asked, and Usopp grimaced.

“I might be able to move the portal around a little, but not all the way to another island.”

“Chopper, get out of here.” Zoro said firmly. “You’ll see your crew again, I promise.”

“Promise?” Chopper turned to Zoro, and a wide-swinging metal hand caught him in the gut.

He opened his eyes with a gasp and sat up, tears budding in his eyes as he realized it had been a dream. His nakama weren’t here with him, he was alone on a strange island with no way to follow the vivre card home. Or, well, to Rayleigh but Rayleigh was coating Sunny so.

Gods, he wanted to go home. He sniffled, and stood up. Sitting around crying wouldn’t help anyone. He had to find a way off this island.

\---

“Sanjie, get over here!” Usopp shouted over the din of zombies in the hall outside. “You and Nami are up next!”

“Send Nami back first.” Sanji returned at equal volume.

“Fair enough. Nami!” Usopp gestured, and Nami picked up her skirts with both hands as she ran over to him. “Put your hand in the light.”

She did, and after the red lines played across her skin for a second the portal crackled to life. Usopp smiled, and she ran across the room. Static crackled over her skin, and between one step and the next she went from a dimly lit white room to the familiar halls of her home. It took no time at all for her to reach the dining room door, and she shoulder checked it open without breaking stride. She didn’t slow down at all until a few steps before the table, and when she collapsed into her chair with a groan three pairs of wide eyes fixed on her.

“You would not _believe_ the time I had getting here.” she huffed, smiling when Vivi relaxed slightly.

“Are you hurt?” Pell moved towards her, and Nami held up a hand to forestall both any further questions and his motion towards her.

“No it’s not my blood, yes I’m really fine, no it wasn’t an assassination attempt.” she listed off drily. She looked down, and grimaced at the blood on her hands. “And actually, I’ll eat later. I need to wash this all off.”

“I’ll join you.” Vivi stood. “Pell, Chaka, if you could ask the kitchen to bring the food to our room?” she circled the table, and Nami wiped her hand on her skirt before letting Vivi take it. As much as she was sure Chopper would love the chance to examine an actual reanimated corpse which had nothing to do with any devil fruit, she wasn’t going to be the cause of a new outbreak. Vivi squeezed her hand gently, and Nami squeezed back. It had been so strange, being around a version of her wife she couldn’t touch. Now that she was home, well, they’d be spending longer than usual in the shower tonight if Nami had her way.

\---

“Sanjie!”

Sanjie nailed a shadow dropper in the face with his heel, and spun away from the door using that same momentum. He jammed his hand in the scanner Usopp was pointing to, and charged over to the portal. A scream made him screech to a halt just shy of the wall, though, and he spun to see Vivi and Zoro struggling with a wave of shadow droppers. Shit, he was such an idiot! He’d been covering the second door, now Vivi had to take his place, and her griefkind was terrible for fending off the undead.

“Oh no you don’t!” he yelled, sprinting back across the room and launching himself at the shadow dropper with a flying kick. Two strikes of his heels burst its head into a shower of gore, and a flurry of kicks cleared the interrogation room some. Vivi gave him a nod of approval, and he flickered back to his nice new shoes as he hopped through the-

What was he doing over here? Sanjie frowned, looking around. He’d been cataloguing the food in the hold, and then... 

“What’s up, shit cook?”

Oh, great. Sanjie turned to Zororo with a sneer. “Why aren’t you up on deck training?” he asked, crossing his arms and shifting his weight to one leg. “Isn’t that all you’re good for?”

“Up o- you called me here!”

“Don’t remember, didn’t happen.” Sanjie shook his head. “Now shoo, _I’ve_ got work to do.” A smile pulled at his lips when Zororo growled in response, and he swapped over to his sparring shoes as he walked back to his datapad. He’d never dream of stealing their darling helmswoman’s kismesis from her, but a bit of pitch-tinted sparring never hurt anyone. Or, well, no more than Chopper could easily repair.

\---

“Next!” Usopp shouted across the room. Vivi looked over at Z’oro, who were doing most of the door-holding now, then shook her head minutely and went back to work. The numbers of undead in the hall were waning, but she could hear more approaching. “Oh for the love of- Vivi, get your ass over here!” Usopp sounded frustrated, and she really couldn't blame him.

Vivi kicked at the nearest zombie’s kneecap, and ran as it fell. “Put your hand in the light.” Usopp said when she reached the console, pointing at a circular lense with beams of red light emitting from it. Vivi did as he said, and the portal quickly crackled on to show her room on the Sunny. “Go, go, go!” Usopp shoved her towards the wall, and Vivi slowed to a stop just before passing through back to her own timeline. Luffy, the real Luffy, was standing right there. She could... no. No, Luffy’s own timeline needed him. Without him, so many people would suffer.

“Luffy!” she called, Sanji’s cursing and the sound of Zoro’s swords ringing in her head as he turned to look at her blankly. “I'll make it right, I promise.” she clutched the hat tight in her hands, heedless of the zombie blood splattered all over her front and arms.

“Okay.” Luffy beamed, and the sight jarred so violently with the last memory she had of the luffy from her own timeline it was almost enough to bring tears to her eyes as she stepped through-

the door of her room, throwing it shut behind her and dropping Luffy’s hat on the end table before throwing herself on her bed with a sob. They didn't remember, none of them did, and it- it was all wrong. Everything. It was wrong and she couldn't imagine how it would ever be right again.

\---

“Next!” Usopp yelled over the sound of zombies in the hall.

“Luffy, you go first!” Zoro shouted, and Luffy nodded. Zoro was busy fighting, and Usopp had to work the mystery machine.

“Okay, put your hand in the light.” Usopp pointed at a circle letting out bright red light, and a second after Luffy stuck his hand in it the portal crackled open.

“Hey, that’s my barrel!” he exclaimed, pointing at the portal.

“Yep. Now go, go, get in it!” Usopp pushed at his back, and Luffy dug his heels in to turn back and look at him.

“Yasopp would be proud of you.” he said solemnly, and Usopp’s eyes widened. Then he grinned, turned towards the portal, and took a running jump-

Luffy blinked, and squinted at the inside of his barrel for a second before shrugging and closing his eyes again. Whatever mystery thing had woken him, it could wait until he finished his nap.

\---

“Everyone else is gone.” Usopp called out. “Z’oro, you’re up!”

“Three seconds.” Z’oro called back, drawing his third sword and putting it between his teeth. “Thirty six thousand caliber phoenix!” he yelled, throwing all his strength into the attack. It ripped down the hall, shredding every zombie in its path, and Z’oro’s eyes widened as the walls buckled in its wake. Not what he’d expected, but okay. He turned, and stuck his hand in the scanner without prompting.

“That was so bullshit, but also _so cool_.” Usopp enthused as the portal appeared, showing tall golden grasses.

“I can’t guarantee it’ll hold them off for long.” Z’oro warned. “Get home safe, Usopp.” he clapped a hand on the human’s shoulder, and got a nod and shaky smile.

“I will. And I’ll tell you about how cool you are. Well, not you you, my you, but-”

“Not really yours, I get it.” Z’oro chuckled, and stepped through the portal onto- fuck, he couldn’t even remember what planet they were on, but Luffy was probably off fighting _somebody_ so all he had to do was follow the disturbances and he’d find his captain. Picking a random direction, he started walking and pulled out his communicator. Sure enough, the photos were still there of too-young Sanji and Usopp curled up together in a pile of everyone’s bedding. His Sanji would love these, and Usopp too probably.

\---

Usopp stuck his hand in the scanner light, and his breath caught in his throat when the portal appeared. Right, he'd had a horde on top of him when he came through. Maybe he could move the portal around? He looked at the console, and fiddled with something that looked like a joystick with a wide pad. The world on the other side of the portal tracked sideways into a building when he pushed right, and he grinned.

A minute of fiddling got him a few blocks over, and he backed through the portal with his gun raised. Two quick shots to the console had the portal fizzing out, and he exhaled heavily. Now he just had to-

Something large and heavy struck his back, and Usopp definitely didn't yelp as he went down. He let out a very manly shout of surprise. He hit the ground on his elbows, and reflexively bucked the human-shaped weight off him before scrambling to his feet and training his gun on a head of blond hair. A head of shaggy, sweaty, very familiar blond hair. “Sanji?!” he gasped, flicking the safety on as his boyfriend pushed himself up onto all fours.

“Shit, you are so fucking bony.” Sanji groaned, pushing up and falling into a sitting position.

“I thought you were dead!” Usopp exclaimed, dropping to his knees and pulling his boyfriend- his _real_ boyfriend, not the sea dwelling alien version- into a tight hug.

“What, do you have that little faith in my, and I quote, mad parkour skills?” Sanji replied, smiling into Usopp’s shoulder.

“You said you were going to buy us time.” Usopp pulled back, checking for injuries. “Nobody ever says that and comes back!”

“This is real life, moron, not one of your stories.” Sanji slid a hand through Usopp’s hair. “And anyways, Zeff would hunt me down and kill me himself if I did that to Nami.” his hand slid down to cup Usopp’s cheek, and he smiled. “As if I could make either of you go through that.”

Usopp chuckled, and pressed a quick kiss to Sanji’s lips. “You're such a sap.” he pulled away and stood, offering a hand to pull Sanji to his feet. “Let's get back to camp.”

“Let's.” Sanji agreed, weaving his fingers between Usopp’s once he was upright. A few days of fresh food and warm showers and safety had been wonderful, but he wouldn't trade the most comfortable life in the world for this.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, promo time. If you like One Piece and want a group to talk about it with, I've started a [Discord server](https://discord.gg/vXbrBJK)! It's friendly to all ships, and open to everyone, so share the link as much as you want.
> 
> Art for the fic can be found [here](https://subtlyimpulsive.tumblr.com/tagged/opbigbang)!


End file.
